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Sobriety, Take 999,987,583

Old 11-08-2018, 10:54 AM
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Sobriety, Take 999,987,583

Okay so it's probably not been that many times but it surely feels like it.

I haven't been around much it's because I've been scheduling interviews like crazy and increased my hours at my part time job and it's a retail store so my hours are all over the place. Without a routine or schedule I feel tired all the time.

Everyone is still alive, I haven't stabbed him yet despite the strong desire to do so (don't worry I wouldn't give in to that desire)

I came here to ask how to talk to my kidlets. I read COD's post and lost my sh** Probably because after several weeks of sobriety AH decided to get wasted and was a jerk to pretty much everyone. When I was putting DS to bed he asked me if the reason daddy was being an @ss is because of alcohol. I told him yes. I was pretty sure he knew but I didn't know how to bring it up. Later I cried myself to sleep.

I don't think I handled the situation with AH well but I think I've already admitted that I really suck at that part. I feel like I gave him "rules" and that really wasn't my intention and I also feel like I was kicking him when he was down but dammit my kids and I deserve some peace. I told him that despite his attempt to hide his drinking the kids are aware. (I knew my SS was aware he's 16) I wasn't going to cover for him. When he's being a jerk I will tell them why. Can't hide it now-they know. I told him I don't want him to engage with the kids or attempt to parent them when he's drinking.(I have already told him this in the past. I think he needed a reminder) That if he's not going to go somewhere and drink he has to stay in the bedroom. He is not allowed to attend kidlet events as it's truly embarrassing to have to hope no one notices his bloodshot eyes and the fact that he reeks of booze. Apparently, he wasn't aware people could tell (insert giant eye roll here)

He's been detoxing the last few days. Says he doesn't understand why he's grouchy. Today he has flu like symptoms. I doubt it's the flu. He's also been complaining that he's been working out a lot and hasn't lost any weight. *sigh* probably all the empty calories from the alcohol, oh and the cases of lemonade he drinks when he's not drinking and all the junk he eats when he's drunk. Not to mention alcohol reduces your body's ability to burn fat.

I'm just griping. My plan to pay off my stuff was obviously derailed when I left my primary job. I just want to feel like I've got an out and right now I don't.
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Old 11-08-2018, 11:13 AM
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I am sorry. What steps are you taking to make a plan so you do have an "out."

In the mean time, remind me, are you and your kids in counseling? If not, get there, pronto.
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I am sorry. What steps are you taking to make a plan so you do have an "out."

In the mean time, remind me, are you and your kids in counseling? If not, get there, pronto.
I have to get another full time job. I left my job because the owner was making crappy decisions that could/would make me personally liable if something happened. Depending on the the incident it could include jail time for me. I work in safety compliance.

I was working a full and part time job to pay off all my credit cards and build a savings. All that is dwindling slowly. I apply to a minimum of 5 jobs per day and I also have HR certifications so I've expanded my search to include that also. It's been almost a month.

I go to al anon. My SS does not want counseling so there's not much I can do with that. I have not yet put my child in counseling.
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:21 PM
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Your focus should be on your and your child solely. How old is your child?

While I think it's wonderful you go to alanon, getting counseling from a counselor who is well versed in addiction issues would be so valuable, FOR YOU.

I say that b/c I did just the same. It helped me to build myself up and put my steps forward to be strong enough to protect my children and to know that whatever the outcome, I would be strong enough to handle that.

Please know most children are excellent at blaming themselves. In your conversations make sure your child knows he is in no way at fault for what is happening and that there is nothing he can do to change the behaviors.
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Your focus should be on your and your child solely. How old is your child?

While I think it's wonderful you go to alanon, getting counseling from a counselor who is well versed in addiction issues would be so valuable, FOR YOU.

I say that b/c I did just the same. It helped me to build myself up and put my steps forward to be strong enough to protect my children and to know that whatever the outcome, I would be strong enough to handle that.

Please know most children are excellent at blaming themselves. In your conversations make sure your child knows he is in no way at fault for what is happening and that there is nothing he can do to change the behaviors.
He's 9. Super smart. He's also a lot like me, very direct. I guess he was just ready to ask me. He's probably known for awhile now.

I will look into some counselors for us. Maybe I can convince my SS to go also.
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:40 PM
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DS started Alateen/Alakid at 7 years old. It has been life changing.

Higher Power tends to work out what way brings us to what we need, with good timing. (((hugs)))

Counseling, addiction counselors, art therapy, playtime, healthy new connections and outlets for feeling all our emotions and having new ways to deal with them. Small daily actions add together to bring about great changes.

There's an ebb and flow to life. Finding ways to heal can have a very natural rhythm to it.

One day at a time.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:04 PM
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The RIGHT counselor can make all the difference. I would encourage you to have yours, and your son to have his. You need to be able to open up and be open and honest. If you don't click the first time, try someone else. I can only say this from experience from both myself and my children. Once we found the right people, so much progress was made. I never learned how to change my XAh or how to make him better, but I learned how to make MYSELF better, and stronger.

Sending you huge hugs!
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Old 11-10-2018, 05:02 PM
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I had to laugh at this

"Everyone is still alive, I haven't stabbed him yet despite the strong desire to do so (don't worry I wouldn't give in to that desire)".


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Old 11-10-2018, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Clover71 View Post
I had to laugh at this

"Everyone is still alive, I haven't stabbed him yet despite the strong desire to do so (don't worry I wouldn't give in to that desire)".


I'm glad I could brighten your day. I tend to have a dark sense of humor. When I tell him he's making me feel stabby he usually leaves me alone.
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Old 11-10-2018, 06:26 PM
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Hi AC, I want to offer you encouragement in your plans. I know everything doesn't happen right away but having a plan is half the battle.

You know what you need; a full time job, no debt, freedom to take action when you need to, and you will get there, even if the path is steep.
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