Eauchiche

Once upon a time, a very old catfish lived in a beautiful lake.

He proved to be a vexing challenge to local fishermen. They had tried many techniques to get him on their dinner plates. They told tales about him when they drank together at their local pub. They all had their stories about the time they almost had him.

As time went on, the old catfish got a little lonely. He remembered many friends who were there one day and gone the next; enticed by delicious treats dangling from lines.

He had learned to avoid those tasty morsels the fishermen dropped into the water. He only had to remember the old hooks embedded in his mouth, still dangling pieces of line.

He finally died at a ripe old age, far away from the dinner plates above.

When the troublesome people you are no-contact with come around "fishing," remember the Wise Old Catfish!

Glenjo99

I like that story! The wise old catfish. Except for the lonely part. Still find that hard. What's point of dying at ripe old age if it's lonely lol. (See how my brain works).

Eauchiche

Better to die a little lonely and healthy, than drinking oneself to death or dying of stomach cancer from the stress of a sick FOO.

Glenjo99

Yes I agree

honeypig

Just wanted to mention that staying NC w/toxic people doesn't HAVE to feel lonely. Most of us have heard the first part of this quote, but not the second, and I think it's equally as important.

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

~ Alexander Graham Bell

Glenjo99

Can't wait for that new door to open.

SparkleKitty

The real joy of recovery is discovering that the world has literally always been full of open doors. The delay isn't in waiting for one to open, it's in waiting for you to walk through.

The idea that something external had to happen in order for me to love and embrace and truly enjoy being alone with myself was a hallmark of my codependency. The answer is never outside of us.

honeypig

Sparklekitty, I want to give you a great big

AMEN!!

Glenjo, you can take what SK said to the bank, b/c it is as good as gold.

Glenjo99

Yes happinness is not a matter of externals but from within. I get it, I drum it into myself daily. Still doesn't stop Codependent recovery being lonely. A lot of time I enjoy the new being only responsible for myself and building a healthier relationship with myself. Sometimes it's lonely. Also tend to suffer with SAD this time of year which adds to isolation.

Glenjo99

Oh believe me I know it. I recite it every day, I meditate, I journal, I work out, I get out in nature with my dog, I've detached from lots of people, I've stopped drinking alcohol, I do yoga, I read more. I'm building a better relationship from the inside out, it's just some days I find it lonely. But I know the truth of happiness coming from within.

honeypig

Late autumn is always a melancholy time for me too although I don't have any specific diagnosis. I used to really take it hard, really felt bad, lonely and sad no matter my situation. Finally I learned to understand it as a necessary part of the cycle. The earth needs to empty itself, go inside, rest, in order to make a new beginning. And if I feel sad and lonesome during that time, it's OK--it's not forever, just like feeling happy isn't forever either. The only thing for certain is change...

Don't know if I've posted this link for you before or not, apologies if I did. You might find something in it: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iar-patch.html (Moving Out of the Briar Patch)

Glenjo99

"rather than put your shell back on, why don't you move out of the briar patch?"

Really enjoyed that and makes a lot of sense. I'll try take that into this new week with me. I too know that November is usually hard for me but it won't last forever. Doing a bit of furniture room rearranging in house this week coming, to shake up the energy.

honeypig

Changing around your living space can be a GREAT thing to help you feel better. I remember the whirlwind of rearranging what I had and wanted to keep as well as buying "new" stuff (craigslist, Goodwill, stuff from the curb on trash day) to make my house my own, instead of the place that XAH and I lived but minus XAH. It seemed like the universe was just dropping things into my path--a decent rug for the bedroom, a cheap basic stereo/CD player, a memory foam mattress from Freecycle to take the place of the 20-year-old futon that was about as hard as the floor.

When I look around now, I can't imagine how we BOTH lived in the space the way it was. I had NO private space of my own, and I really don't know how I lived w/o it. So much better now, less congested. Still "eclectic", if we want to use a nice word for it, but it's all things that I like and that make me happy to use or see.

November has some baggage for me, too, Glenjo. XAH moved out the day after Thanksgiving. Some years ago one of my younger sisters, who'd been getting treatment for breast cancer, received the diagnosis of brain/spinal cord metastases just before Thanksgiving--it killed her by the end of March the following year. Not my favorite month for memories either...

Glenjo99

Yes I think the universe has been giving me lots of messages re rearranging furniture, getting rid of lots of clutter. Ideally I would like to leave this house and area but as it's not feasible at moment, I'm being guided to shake up room layouts and furniture. The way it is has many reminders of my time with ex.

Sorry to hear about your sister that was awful. We will get through November. Just for today and believing that happiness is an inside job.

HoldOnLoosely

So very true!

dawnrising

I soooo needed this today - thank you