Ariesagain

Just checking in...Meadow, are you okay?

Meadow123

Yes I am.. doing well and stronger every day. Thank you for checking. I have a busy fun weekend planned. I wish it was with the part of L that was amazing but the reality is that's not possible. I am learning to accept the truth. He was a fantasy that came with a dark side.

Ariesagain

You sound great!

Thanks for checking in!

Meadow123

I am trying to post on other's threads to pay it forward for all the strength I gained from all of you. I feel I can share my experience and others may be inspired and gain hope. It does get better!

amy55

Meadow, it has always helped me to respond to others. There were so many things that I had pushed aside and didn't want to think about it, but when I heard it from someone else, I would think, oh wow, that was me also. It is paying it forward, it's also gives you fresh eyes to look at things. It benefits both.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

Meadow123

Wee bit of a setback today... just little. I am feeling sad that I hurt L so badly by ending the relationship. I know it was right and his abuse was wrong. I am just mourning the loss of the amazing side. It was what I had to do.

Ariesagain

It’s not a linear process...grieving never is. Good days and not-so-good days.

He ended the relationship by abusing you. He had choices and chances...he chose to insult, berate and harass you repeatedly.

Not your fault, at all. If he’s hurt, those are the consequences of his abuse.

You walked away from the wreckage of the relationship, but he made it impossible to sustain.

Tomorrow will be better, yes?

Meadow123

Yes tomorrow was better. I allowed myself some grieving time then I got on with my life. Today is a bit lonely because my son is with his dad and I have no family near. I enjoy solitude most of the time. I cannot stop feeling sorry for my XAB. I know he is a grown man who made his own choices but I just wish everyone could be happy and healthy.

Hawkeye13

Me too, but sometimes being happy and healthy takes work and discipline.

Hopefully, he'll figure that out someday and find it.
Meanwhile, sounds like you are on the way to finding yours

SparkleKitty

I felt sorry for my XABF for a long time. Long after he left my orbit completely. But life got better when I accepted that I didn't have to do anything with that feeling, that I didn't have the power to make everyone happy and healthy, and it wasn't even my right to try. People get to live their lives the way the wish, whether I agree with it or not.

Meadow123

Having a moment of loneliness today. Just kinda blue right now. I know it will pass.

Ariesagain

Sunday evenings can be rough even when you’re not getting over a break up, yes? But you’re doing great.

I do hope you are realizing how incredibly well you’re handling moving forward. I admire your strength and resilience!

Meadow123

Really bad set back today. Feel so scared.

Meadow123

Calming down a bit.....He contacted me today and stupid me engaged. I was kind to him and he just lashed out. Why was I so stupid??? Will I not learn? I am passed it quicker than before and all I feel now is pity for him. I CANNOT SAVE HIM.

Ariesagain

Okay, so now you know, yes? Being away from you has not caused him to suddenly see the light and being kind to him doesn’t change his behavior because it’s independent of you altogether. He’s in a committed relationship with alcohol and three’s a crowd.

In a way it’s just as well he was nasty; if he had laid on the charm it might have been all too easy to get sucked back in.

The good news is that you didn’t. Shake yourself off and go back to blocking him, yes?

Onward!

dandylion

Sometimes it takes several times of touching the burner to accept.....yep! it really is hot!

Hawkeye13

You have an addiction to him which you must abstain from to recover.

The hardware store doesn't sell bread--block him and go to the grocery when you're ready. . .

Meadow123

Thank you all... feel a lot better now. For the first time in a long time my stomach is not flip flopping!

trailmix

Glad to hear that Meadow. Yes, this stuff can take practice, it's not intuitive. You think to yourself, oh it should be - but sometimes it's just not.

The difference is you are clear thinking about it now so when it does occur you don't just suck it up and carry on you review, rethink etc.

That's really great actually.

Meadow123

I feel no love for him anymore. I loved what he could have been... not reality. I hope he gets help as I do not want to see anyone in harms way.
I am better than how he treated me and i deserve it.
I love myself and am no longer his punching bag (not literally, he never hit me).
I know all the red flags now.