Am I playing into the drama??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 151
child care is not that difficult to get,again it's $$$??
2. They also need vaccination records and, some, even require physical examinations.
3. There's also the need to, ya know, physically inspect the location.
4. I had no "time off" -- and, even if I had "time off" -- my clients had matters that required me to make court appearances on their behalf out of town. And, I'd already used up my "judge my wife is in the hospital" card earlier in the year when she was, in fact, in the hospital. I know it's hard, but being a lawyer isn't just a "job." I don't have "customers," I have clients. Those clients have their own problems which I've undertaken to represent them on. As a professional, I sometimes have to put THEIR interests above my personal interests. Trust me, I've seen judges remind lawyers of this when setting hearing dates, trial dates, etc.
5. AW's arrest came at the absolute wrong time given the above.
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MCESaint…...I totally get it....when work demands and child care needs collide....it is a parent's nightmare! I was a single parent, for several years...so, I know exactly what you mean....
Just a suggestion, for the short-term, that might work---If you were to call an agency and have someone who can come and stay at your house....someone who is bonded......for the short term basis, that would give you a bit of time and space to make more permanent arrangements. That is the most expensive option, but, probably the fastest....
Just a suggestion, for the short-term, that might work---If you were to call an agency and have someone who can come and stay at your house....someone who is bonded......for the short term basis, that would give you a bit of time and space to make more permanent arrangements. That is the most expensive option, but, probably the fastest....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
I totally get it too, it's not just a job.
I agree that you should perhaps research other childcare options.
To answer your initial question, are you playing in to the drama? No, in fact you are doing the opposite. You sound almost blase' about it to be honest.
It may be that you have been in this mixed up drama for so long you don't hear the alarm bells ringing.
They are ringing.
I agree that you should perhaps research other childcare options.
To answer your initial question, are you playing in to the drama? No, in fact you are doing the opposite. You sound almost blase' about it to be honest.
It may be that you have been in this mixed up drama for so long you don't hear the alarm bells ringing.
They are ringing.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
1. How old is the kid?
2. You should have those...
3.Angie's list for a reputable sitter in your area. (any judge is going to question why you sent him away if you ask for custody)..
4. If I was concerned about my child I would not put my client's needs ahead of kid/mine. That's crazy. I'd put my law practice 'on hold' and wait tables/mop floors/collect cans if needed.
5. I don't care about her..I'm more concered about your son.
2. You should have those...
3.Angie's list for a reputable sitter in your area. (any judge is going to question why you sent him away if you ask for custody)..
4. If I was concerned about my child I would not put my client's needs ahead of kid/mine. That's crazy. I'd put my law practice 'on hold' and wait tables/mop floors/collect cans if needed.
5. I don't care about her..I'm more concered about your son.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
You mentioned "future divorce"...and this is my opinion and my opinion only so take it for what it's worth I would be freaking out if this were happening to me....that tingling nervous feeling in your bones, listen to it, this IS happening and those bad intentions you think and feel they have ARE true. I know it just reading the story.
So if it were me I would put my child absolutely first and initiate the divorce...why? In my state (and many if not all other states which you know since you are a lawyer) once the divorce is initiated neither parent can take the child out of state without the first parent's permission. So I would initiate proceedings, rescind permission for your child to be out of state, and pick up child now. If they gave me a hard time I'd call the police in...once the child was safely back in my state I would exercise that law should the other parent take the child out of state without my permission...law enforcement takes that very seriously.
I don't know your entire situation and I realize it's hard to break off a relationship but you could always get remarried later or back together later should she actually rehab successfully .
Just my opinion take it or leave it.
PS - It is hard to find childcare and maybe the first daycare you find won't be that great but it could be temporary while you find a better one. Your story has my fight or flight senses on high alert for you...the worst action would be to none (leaving him in the other state). Again just my two cents.
So if it were me I would put my child absolutely first and initiate the divorce...why? In my state (and many if not all other states which you know since you are a lawyer) once the divorce is initiated neither parent can take the child out of state without the first parent's permission. So I would initiate proceedings, rescind permission for your child to be out of state, and pick up child now. If they gave me a hard time I'd call the police in...once the child was safely back in my state I would exercise that law should the other parent take the child out of state without my permission...law enforcement takes that very seriously.
I don't know your entire situation and I realize it's hard to break off a relationship but you could always get remarried later or back together later should she actually rehab successfully .
Just my opinion take it or leave it.
PS - It is hard to find childcare and maybe the first daycare you find won't be that great but it could be temporary while you find a better one. Your story has my fight or flight senses on high alert for you...the worst action would be to none (leaving him in the other state). Again just my two cents.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I'm concerned about some of the posts above which seem to suggest that MCESaint should drop everything right away and go get his son, and that this is what a parent who "puts the child first" would do. I doubt that it's that straightforward. MCESaint sounds like he's got the background and the knowledge to be strategic about how to ensure that his son is safe. I'm also a single parent in a profession where I can't just "drop everything" and wash dishes or wait tables in order to be home for my child. I could, but then there'd be no roof over our heads. It's got nothing to do with "putting my child first" (or second, or last).
Also bear in mind that if his kid is in the care of a legal guardian, like AW, or someone she has designated, MCESaint may not be able to just show up and take the child home. He may be legally constrained from removing the child from the care and control of a custodial parent (which she is, as long as MCESaint doesn't have sole custody).
Calling the police would only raise the drama quotient because the child hasn't been abducted - unless there's a court order which is police-enforceable, they'll see a family dispute and a child who is with a parent, and leave it alone.
Getting advice from a family lawyer is probably the best option here, in terms of finding a course of action which doesn't prejudice any future actions in family court concerning the custody and residence of the child.
Also bear in mind that if his kid is in the care of a legal guardian, like AW, or someone she has designated, MCESaint may not be able to just show up and take the child home. He may be legally constrained from removing the child from the care and control of a custodial parent (which she is, as long as MCESaint doesn't have sole custody).
Calling the police would only raise the drama quotient because the child hasn't been abducted - unless there's a court order which is police-enforceable, they'll see a family dispute and a child who is with a parent, and leave it alone.
Getting advice from a family lawyer is probably the best option here, in terms of finding a course of action which doesn't prejudice any future actions in family court concerning the custody and residence of the child.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
Originally Posted by Sasha1972 
I'm concerned about some of the posts above which seem to suggest that MCESaint should drop everything right away and go get his son, and that this is what a parent who "puts the child first" would do..
As with all posts though, MCE shares what he wants to (as is right) so it could be either. He could have a wealth of knowledge about all this and be playing a game of chess.
Or he's not sure and asked us for our opinions, which we gave from the information we have received.
Some people would drop everything and damn the torpedoes and others would not.
I don't see there is a "right" or "wrong" reply in this thread. It's a take what you like and leave the rest kind of thing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 151
UPDATE:
So AW's brother (and sister-in-law) have agreed to bring DS back to St. Louis *permanently* when they come through town in early November. I'm content to leave it at that (while seeking legal advice from another lawyer on dealing with AW post-rehab and living in "sober living" facility).
This has given me time to check out several different daycare providers and find the one that fits DS's needs, my work needs, and the budget.
As for letting my clients and practice go and mopping floors, doing dishes, etc. - there is something called "voluntary underemployment" in family law should this proceed to a full blown divorce (probable). Essentially the court can say, we don't care what you are currently making because you're underemployed -- you were making "x" practicing law and now you're making "y" mopping floors. I, the court, am going to impute income of "x" to you -- even though you're currently only making "y." And that is no place to be.
MCE Saint.
So AW's brother (and sister-in-law) have agreed to bring DS back to St. Louis *permanently* when they come through town in early November. I'm content to leave it at that (while seeking legal advice from another lawyer on dealing with AW post-rehab and living in "sober living" facility).
This has given me time to check out several different daycare providers and find the one that fits DS's needs, my work needs, and the budget.
As for letting my clients and practice go and mopping floors, doing dishes, etc. - there is something called "voluntary underemployment" in family law should this proceed to a full blown divorce (probable). Essentially the court can say, we don't care what you are currently making because you're underemployed -- you were making "x" practicing law and now you're making "y" mopping floors. I, the court, am going to impute income of "x" to you -- even though you're currently only making "y." And that is no place to be.
MCE Saint.
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