Inner calm and quiet power, always there amidst the pain
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Inner calm and quiet power, always there amidst the pain
Since last night I've been tuning into a new awareness... I've been feeling that not being around him is helping me.... It's scary, as my mind and heart wants him....(and at times this triggers big anxiety) but I'm sensing that my "source" is desiring me to grow stronger... And even though I miss him I'm beginning to feel a sense of wholeness .. It's difficult to explain... But something is shifting in me... And I'm noticing inner calm.
I didn't want to say this to myself for fear that it means I'm bettet off without him, and that might be true too, But at the very least I'm sensing that space apart is healthy for me.
Daily TM meditation and yoga (and weekly therapy) could be the things that are creating shifts...and i think those three weeks of grieving a month ago, and the hard months before we first broke up gave me time to process pain... Even if I wasn't consciously aware of it... But on some level, those painful months were grieving what was... The illusion was shattering... So I was, whether I liked it or not - waking up.
*edit, last april, something in me KNEW I needed to move out and find my own place...even though I still kept a relationship going with him, I knew I needed security in form of my own flat... I'm so grateful for that guidance. If I didn't have that, I'd be homeless right now.
My eyes are more open, and I'm grateful... Now I'm feeling more grounded... A sense that I can handle whatever life is gonna throw at me... I think my source / higher Self is attracting what I truly want, - wholeness... Whether he is around or not... I desire wholeness more than anything.
It would be good to talk a bit about connecting to source / higher power....and hear any ideas and insights you have on this...
I didn't want to say this to myself for fear that it means I'm bettet off without him, and that might be true too, But at the very least I'm sensing that space apart is healthy for me.
Daily TM meditation and yoga (and weekly therapy) could be the things that are creating shifts...and i think those three weeks of grieving a month ago, and the hard months before we first broke up gave me time to process pain... Even if I wasn't consciously aware of it... But on some level, those painful months were grieving what was... The illusion was shattering... So I was, whether I liked it or not - waking up.
*edit, last april, something in me KNEW I needed to move out and find my own place...even though I still kept a relationship going with him, I knew I needed security in form of my own flat... I'm so grateful for that guidance. If I didn't have that, I'd be homeless right now.
My eyes are more open, and I'm grateful... Now I'm feeling more grounded... A sense that I can handle whatever life is gonna throw at me... I think my source / higher Self is attracting what I truly want, - wholeness... Whether he is around or not... I desire wholeness more than anything.
It would be good to talk a bit about connecting to source / higher power....and hear any ideas and insights you have on this...
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I really don't have any insights to add to what you've written, but I did want to say that you sound like you are healing and moving forward so well - good for you! Many people remain stuck for so long on so many different aspects, but you seem to be making great headway.
Keep it up!!
COD
Keep it up!!
COD
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
I have really tried to work on connecting to, feeling, allowing a higher power (universe I call it) to be in my life. In her book codependent no more, melody beattie says that our higher power didn't abandon us, we abandoned it. I can relate to this.
Some days I feel connected and like things are shifting, other days I feel no connection whatsoever, no point in lying. I don't give up though. I trust on those days something else is going on and just hope the next hour or day is better. Believing in a HP has helped me when I've felt isolated, rejected and alone. It's nice to feel that it's within me, even when I'm not feeling it. I too love yoga and meditation. Good topic.
Some days I feel connected and like things are shifting, other days I feel no connection whatsoever, no point in lying. I don't give up though. I trust on those days something else is going on and just hope the next hour or day is better. Believing in a HP has helped me when I've felt isolated, rejected and alone. It's nice to feel that it's within me, even when I'm not feeling it. I too love yoga and meditation. Good topic.
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Good to meet you COD! I liked your update yesterday, I could feel your strength and that was very reassuring for me. Thanks for your kind comment 
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
I really don't have any insights to add to what you've written, but I did want to say that you sound like you are healing and moving forward so well - good for you! Many people remain stuck for so long on so many different aspects, but you seem to be making great headway.
Keep it up!!
COD
Keep it up!!
COD
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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Hey Glenjo, ....yes... Some moments we will feel disconnected, lost and alone...I try to see the goodness in the disconnect too....as it's my soul's (higher Self) way of indicating there is something to learn here... And my ego is just trying to help too but is a bit panicked and ends up making non-aligned decisions and being a bit loopy lol in the midst of fear (flight fight freeze) .. I view it as yin and yang (connect/disconnect, light/dark) being out of sync.... But once observed whilst in the "dark", in the "fear", in the "pain", i feel it.... Cry... And then I can say okay cool, let's find something light now,. Let's strive to balance this out a bit.
Unfortunately due to loving unbalanced people, we become unbalanced too... So more dark than light is invited into our lives.... The intention now is to find our own inner calm and balance... And feel more like a tree as oppose to a leaf... So the unbalanced person (either physically in person, or energetically) will not blow us around, unbalancing us.
I know these disconnected moments will come back (thanks to my ego, old wounds, and being in love with AL.)...but nice to remind ourselves of the moments when we felt strong and connected ... I'm throwing my arms wide open for any good feeling I can find today ...and maybe a state of inner calm and wholeness will be more felt for longer. 🙏
Good quote on good reads (from Eat, Pray, Love)
We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.
Unfortunately due to loving unbalanced people, we become unbalanced too... So more dark than light is invited into our lives.... The intention now is to find our own inner calm and balance... And feel more like a tree as oppose to a leaf... So the unbalanced person (either physically in person, or energetically) will not blow us around, unbalancing us.
I know these disconnected moments will come back (thanks to my ego, old wounds, and being in love with AL.)...but nice to remind ourselves of the moments when we felt strong and connected ... I'm throwing my arms wide open for any good feeling I can find today ...and maybe a state of inner calm and wholeness will be more felt for longer. 🙏
Good quote on good reads (from Eat, Pray, Love)
We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
I have really tried to work on connecting to, feeling, allowing a higher power (universe I call it) to be in my life. In her book codependent no more, melody beattie says that our higher power didn't abandon us, we abandoned it. I can relate to this.
Some days I feel connected and like things are shifting, other days I feel no connection whatsoever, no point in lying. I don't give up though. I trust on those days something else is going on and just hope the next hour or day is better. Believing in a HP has helped me when I've felt isolated, rejected and alone. It's nice to feel that it's within me, even when I'm not feeling it. I too love yoga and meditation. Good topic.
Some days I feel connected and like things are shifting, other days I feel no connection whatsoever, no point in lying. I don't give up though. I trust on those days something else is going on and just hope the next hour or day is better. Believing in a HP has helped me when I've felt isolated, rejected and alone. It's nice to feel that it's within me, even when I'm not feeling it. I too love yoga and meditation. Good topic.
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Surfbee….this is not an argument....but, some simple thoughts of my own, to add to your experience.....
I think, that sometimes, we can make it more complicated than it is, in our efforts to analyze....
For example...the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing, as you are simply away from the nidus of your psychic discomfort. I have always preached "time and space" (away)….
I think that the weird anxiety that you describe is the phenomenon of "cognitive dissonance"....which is what we can feel when there are two competing concepts, at the same time....or two competing beliefs...especially, if one is long held, and a new one comes in and upsets the apple cart....
When I say things like...'grieving is the first stage of healing"...people think that is pretty wacky....but, I think that might be happening to you, in a way----You are beginning to heal, a bit...due to some time and distance away from the source of your current pain....yet, you are, simultaneously, feeling the natural pain of grieving. Two competing feelings at the same time....it can make a person feel weirdly uncomfortable....hence, cognitive dissonance.....
There is a third factor that I firmly...very firmly....believe in...and, that is human contact...connection....during the time of grieving or human distress. I consider it as vital as removing one's self away from the source of pain.
Look at it--you are, right now, "talking" to lots of people who understand what you are going through. You are, to a certain extent, being seen and heard and accepted. That is powerful. We are very social animals...and, there are sociologists and anthropologists who say that we are meant to live, best, in groups or communities of about 40 or so, closely connected others. I have observed this to have a lot of truth....
I have seen people suffer great loss/trauma...and, heal and thrive, through the simple basics...like time/space and close human connections....people who have never read a word about any of this stuff. It just is....
lol....I realize that I am famous for saying, all the time--"Knowledge is power"....and that might seem a contradiction to what I have just rattled on , about….But, now really. I don't think that taking in information is in conflict with the natural human processes that Mother Nature has wired us for......
I think, that sometimes, we can make it more complicated than it is, in our efforts to analyze....
For example...the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing, as you are simply away from the nidus of your psychic discomfort. I have always preached "time and space" (away)….
I think that the weird anxiety that you describe is the phenomenon of "cognitive dissonance"....which is what we can feel when there are two competing concepts, at the same time....or two competing beliefs...especially, if one is long held, and a new one comes in and upsets the apple cart....
When I say things like...'grieving is the first stage of healing"...people think that is pretty wacky....but, I think that might be happening to you, in a way----You are beginning to heal, a bit...due to some time and distance away from the source of your current pain....yet, you are, simultaneously, feeling the natural pain of grieving. Two competing feelings at the same time....it can make a person feel weirdly uncomfortable....hence, cognitive dissonance.....
There is a third factor that I firmly...very firmly....believe in...and, that is human contact...connection....during the time of grieving or human distress. I consider it as vital as removing one's self away from the source of pain.
Look at it--you are, right now, "talking" to lots of people who understand what you are going through. You are, to a certain extent, being seen and heard and accepted. That is powerful. We are very social animals...and, there are sociologists and anthropologists who say that we are meant to live, best, in groups or communities of about 40 or so, closely connected others. I have observed this to have a lot of truth....
I have seen people suffer great loss/trauma...and, heal and thrive, through the simple basics...like time/space and close human connections....people who have never read a word about any of this stuff. It just is....
lol....I realize that I am famous for saying, all the time--"Knowledge is power"....and that might seem a contradiction to what I have just rattled on , about….But, now really. I don't think that taking in information is in conflict with the natural human processes that Mother Nature has wired us for......
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Thanks Dandylion, yes I am going through moments of feeling in limbo... Feeling split. The future is uncertain....healing yet grieving but can't fully grieve as haven't let go of him... Would you say this is normal in any break up / time out scenario? I personally don't like the label, as I like to view things more spiritually....but what would you suggest I do to heal "cognitive dissonance"? Make decision to either end relationship or have a conversation to see if we can work it out? Know one way or the other? Or could I find myself often experiencing conflicting beliefs because I'm choosing to be with someone like him? Or is it all simply about perspective? Like you said, over complicating by over analysis...? Hmm I do know i feel my best true self when I keep things simple.
I hear what you're saying about finding a tribe... I reslly love thst... I wish to cultivate more of that sense of community ... I used to travel back and forth to Morocco and loved the way the women stuck by each other... Always around, popping in to help with cooking etc... I think I've been in my own head for months and only seeing a couple of friends for one to ones...I definitely miss having my pack around me...but right now not sure where to start creating this again...
Well I did book a place on a Drum Shamanic circle ceremony this monday night..lol... I have no idea what it will entail but someone suggested it to me...and I might also start some volunteering or a new part time job too... I'm keen to invite more good people into my life again x
I hear what you're saying about finding a tribe... I reslly love thst... I wish to cultivate more of that sense of community ... I used to travel back and forth to Morocco and loved the way the women stuck by each other... Always around, popping in to help with cooking etc... I think I've been in my own head for months and only seeing a couple of friends for one to ones...I definitely miss having my pack around me...but right now not sure where to start creating this again...
Well I did book a place on a Drum Shamanic circle ceremony this monday night..lol... I have no idea what it will entail but someone suggested it to me...and I might also start some volunteering or a new part time job too... I'm keen to invite more good people into my life again x
Originally Posted by dandylion
Surfbee….this is not an argument....but, some simple thoughts of my own, to add to your experience.....
I think, that sometimes, we can make it more complicated than it is, in our efforts to analyze....
For example...the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing, as you are simply away from the nidus of your psychic discomfort. I have always preached "time and space" (away)….
I think that the weird anxiety that you describe is the phenomenon of "cognitive dissonance"....which is what we can feel when there are two competing concepts, at the same time....or two competing beliefs...especially, if one is long held, and a new one comes in and upsets the apple cart....
When I say things like...'grieving is the first stage of healing"...people think that is pretty wacky....but, I think that might be happening to you, in a way----You are beginning to heal, a bit...due to some time and distance away from the source of your current pain....yet, you are, simultaneously, feeling the natural pain of grieving. Two competing feelings at the same time....it can make a person feel weirdly uncomfortable....hence, cognitive dissonance.....
There is a third factor that I firmly...very firmly....believe in...and, that is human contact...connection....during the time of grieving or human distress. I consider it as vital as removing one's self away from the source of pain.
Look at it--you are, right now, "talking" to lots of people who understand what you are going through. You are, to a certain extent, being seen and heard and accepted. That is powerful. We are very social animals...and, there are sociologists and anthropologists who say that we are meant to live, best, in groups or communities of about 40 or so, closely connected others. I have observed this to have a lot of truth....
I have seen people suffer great loss/trauma...and, heal and thrive, through the simple basics...like time/space and close human connections....people who have never read a word about any of this stuff. It just is....
lol....I realize that I am famous for saying, all the time--"Knowledge is power"....and that might seem a contradiction to what I have just rattled on , about….But, now really. I don't think that taking in information is in conflict with the natural human processes that Mother Nature has wired us for......
I think, that sometimes, we can make it more complicated than it is, in our efforts to analyze....
For example...the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing, as you are simply away from the nidus of your psychic discomfort. I have always preached "time and space" (away)….
I think that the weird anxiety that you describe is the phenomenon of "cognitive dissonance"....which is what we can feel when there are two competing concepts, at the same time....or two competing beliefs...especially, if one is long held, and a new one comes in and upsets the apple cart....
When I say things like...'grieving is the first stage of healing"...people think that is pretty wacky....but, I think that might be happening to you, in a way----You are beginning to heal, a bit...due to some time and distance away from the source of your current pain....yet, you are, simultaneously, feeling the natural pain of grieving. Two competing feelings at the same time....it can make a person feel weirdly uncomfortable....hence, cognitive dissonance.....
There is a third factor that I firmly...very firmly....believe in...and, that is human contact...connection....during the time of grieving or human distress. I consider it as vital as removing one's self away from the source of pain.
Look at it--you are, right now, "talking" to lots of people who understand what you are going through. You are, to a certain extent, being seen and heard and accepted. That is powerful. We are very social animals...and, there are sociologists and anthropologists who say that we are meant to live, best, in groups or communities of about 40 or so, closely connected others. I have observed this to have a lot of truth....
I have seen people suffer great loss/trauma...and, heal and thrive, through the simple basics...like time/space and close human connections....people who have never read a word about any of this stuff. It just is....
lol....I realize that I am famous for saying, all the time--"Knowledge is power"....and that might seem a contradiction to what I have just rattled on , about….But, now really. I don't think that taking in information is in conflict with the natural human processes that Mother Nature has wired us for......
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Surfbee...I think you what you are feeling is pretty normal for your circumstance, and where you are, right now. Cognitive dissonance is not something that is "cured", like in a condition. It is more like a reaction that gets smoothed out as a part of processing (working through).
Personally, here is what I think....that you will continue to feel conflicted in your intimate life, if you are with a person who does not meet your legitimate needs, or, allow you to be your own natural person.
I do think that expanding your own social horizons will help you, a ton....
Personally, here is what I think....that you will continue to feel conflicted in your intimate life, if you are with a person who does not meet your legitimate needs, or, allow you to be your own natural person.
I do think that expanding your own social horizons will help you, a ton....
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dandylion's post really contains one of the things your post immediately brought to mind Surfbee.
"the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing"
I think that is a lot of what you are experiencing. I also think that perhaps two things are true in general.
First, that with a dysfunctional relationship, such as with an addict, it can continue for many years un-corrected (for lack of a better term). What is pretty much a guarantee is that the non-addict partner will eventually be drained emotionally unless they are able to seriously detach (I think this is what you are feeling now, regaining strength).
We may go in to the relationship strong but holding on to that is really tough, perhaps impossible, without detaching.
Secondly, the dysfunction and detaching will help to make the relationship in to something no where near normal.
If you don't detach the destruction to you will probably kill any feelings you have anyway, eventually.
"the longer that you are away from him with little or no contact....this allows the healing"
I think that is a lot of what you are experiencing. I also think that perhaps two things are true in general.
First, that with a dysfunctional relationship, such as with an addict, it can continue for many years un-corrected (for lack of a better term). What is pretty much a guarantee is that the non-addict partner will eventually be drained emotionally unless they are able to seriously detach (I think this is what you are feeling now, regaining strength).
We may go in to the relationship strong but holding on to that is really tough, perhaps impossible, without detaching.
Secondly, the dysfunction and detaching will help to make the relationship in to something no where near normal.
If you don't detach the destruction to you will probably kill any feelings you have anyway, eventually.
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The experience of tuning in, allowing an awareness, connection and relationship with source/God/universe/whatever-name-resonates absolutely makes a difference.
Time, yes. God is in that, too.
Different words for different folks. We're all meant to understand, interpret and feel and experience life in many different possible ways. Not any more right or wrong.
Inner calm. Inner peace. Absolutely beautiful words and experience.
Namaste.
Time, yes. God is in that, too.
Different words for different folks. We're all meant to understand, interpret and feel and experience life in many different possible ways. Not any more right or wrong.
Inner calm. Inner peace. Absolutely beautiful words and experience.
Namaste.
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Thanks for insights Dandylion, Trailmix and Mango. I hear you.
My intention during this no contact period is to regain strength....and will allow events to unfold naturally..., I'm raising my vibe. This is the one thing I have power over and so I'll enjoy doing this - this is what I need - and allow heavy topics and thoughts of him to fall by the way side. For now anyway. It's a practice. Not in the space yet to make a clear absolute decision regarding him. So going slow...taking it a day at a time ... x
namaste
My intention during this no contact period is to regain strength....and will allow events to unfold naturally..., I'm raising my vibe. This is the one thing I have power over and so I'll enjoy doing this - this is what I need - and allow heavy topics and thoughts of him to fall by the way side. For now anyway. It's a practice. Not in the space yet to make a clear absolute decision regarding him. So going slow...taking it a day at a time ... x
namaste
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