mamabear26

Hi Everyone, this weekend was the first supervised visit (we agreed upon). On Saturday took the kids to a trampolines type place. I took my homework and sat down while he was with the kids. On Sunday took the kids to do miniature golf. I followed along that day. Later on Sunday, he called to try and convince me that the kids are safe with him. He didn't appear drunk either day. But the main problem is the environment at his mother's place. My response to him about the kids being safe with him is that There should be no alcohol around them when they are with him. He said he is willing to do supervised visits as long as it takes until I feel comfortable with them being alone with him.
• He said that they aren't hurt when I pick them up from him. Ironically, while I was talking with him on Sunday he was drinking. I could hear his voice change and repeated words.
•He was also going on and on about how "today" reminded him of how things use to be *rolling eyes*.
•He also said that he will not bring anyone around the kids (he is talking about the woman he has been sleeping with). Although he never mentions her name or anything about her.
•He also threw in there that he is always going to "take care of us." And that he is going to prove to me that he is going to be a better Dad.

I basically told him that until I start seeing changes that I will be supervising visits. DS11 didnt want to go either day but went along anyways because I was there. He didn't speak to his Dad much. I can't help but feel sorry for him. I felt sick to my stomach while being there. He truly is sick and will never change.

trailmix

Ugh! mamabear, you are a shining light, honestly the way you handle yourself is commendable. I hope you are taking some serious time to look after yourself as well.

Babescake

Hi! I'm mostly on the newly recovered side though I adamantly fight for my right as a parent and substance abuser. Quick question. I'm going through a contested divorce right now. It sucks balls. At least I'm here and trying daily.

Beyond that, I'm confused about "dad's" visitation. YOU were the supervisor? Do I have that right? Isn't that a conflict of interest for parents? Just curious. We haven't even gotten to the temporary matters hearing, and I'm on the side you loathe, think can't get better and view as trash probably. However, I'm curious about your arrangement. Care to share? Thanks.

mamabear26

I am trying. It is hard dealing with an A as many of you know. But I just remind myself of the bigger picture which is "the kids are safe while I am there." I try to keep my focus on that.

Gym and a lot of prayer have helped me lately.

mamabear26

Hello Babescake, I am glad you are here to try to get help.

Our current court order he see's the kids on the 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends for 5 hours (unsupervised). But there have been different events that have happened lately regarding alcohol. So we had a discussion (outside of court) and I told him that I felt it was best that I begin to supervise the visits. He agreed to it. This arrangement is just between us. He still see's them on his weekends during his court ordered time which is from 9am-2pm only difference is that I am there to supervise the visits in a public place.

I do believe that there is an option so that the primary custodial parent can supervise the visits if that is okay with both parents or if a judge orders it.

Seren

Hi babescake! Welcome to F&F

I have read some of your story, and I'm sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in right now.

You are welcome to come and ask questions here any time. We don't think of you as the side we "loathe". Not at all. The primary concern with any of the parents in F&F is the welfare, security, safety, and happiness of their children. The goal is not punishing their alcoholic former spouse.

I hope you will continue to reach out to the other members of SR and get all the help and support you can! You deserve a happy, peaceful, and joy-filled life!

hopeful4

While I know it's very frustrating to have to supervise him, be happy he is allowing this b/c many times the courts do not. That is a good thing, and you are one good momma!

mamabear26

Yes, I know I am looking on the bright side. But it is still emotionally draining.

Mango212

Hi mamabear,

Have faith. Clarity comes in many ways. Look for God signs, enjoy life, trust we are stronger than we realize and we continue gaining skills in:

1. Self-care
2. Allowing joy
3. Kindness (my perception of this continually changes! )
4. Mindfulness/awareness
5. Self-protection
6. Fun

Happy Wednesday!

What was the hardest thing you did last weekend? What was the most fun thing?
Where did you see God in these things?

Simply types of questions that allow me to reflect, step back, acknowledge the difficult and the ease.