Lies lies lies
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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Lies lies lies
So....after a week of confrontation, tears (me) panic attacks (me) trips to the doctor (me) diazepam (me) sulking (him) things are calming down.
ive had a promise 😉 that there will be no more hiding booze 🙄 and l will be able to see clearly what has been consumed from the bottle in the cabinet. And last night he announced that he would just be having a little drink then he was off to bed...hmmm funny that because he had a 'little' drink earlier while l was out grocery shopping which is strange for someone who just "enjoys a nightcap" Anyway...Phew what a relief its all over 😒 (sorry for the sarcasm guys).
ps He honestly thinks things can go back to normal now lve had my little over reaction. I see a support group counsellor for my 1st 1 to 1 tonight.
ive had a promise 😉 that there will be no more hiding booze 🙄 and l will be able to see clearly what has been consumed from the bottle in the cabinet. And last night he announced that he would just be having a little drink then he was off to bed...hmmm funny that because he had a 'little' drink earlier while l was out grocery shopping which is strange for someone who just "enjoys a nightcap" Anyway...Phew what a relief its all over 😒 (sorry for the sarcasm guys).
ps He honestly thinks things can go back to normal now lve had my little over reaction. I see a support group counsellor for my 1st 1 to 1 tonight.
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Originally Posted by suki44883 
What you really want is for him to stop drinking. What he really wants, is to drink in peace.
Is there any real way to reconcile the two?
Is there any real way to reconcile the two?
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Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
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Glad you are seeing a counselor & taking care of you.
A slogan around here that might resonate with you -
"Don't go to a hardware store to buy bread"
It covers lots of territory when dealing with active alcoholics.
On some level, this is becoming a very entertaining game for him.....
and your suffering (and the suffering of all who deal with active
alcoholics) is simply collateral damage.
A slogan around here that might resonate with you -
"Don't go to a hardware store to buy bread"
It covers lots of territory when dealing with active alcoholics.
On some level, this is becoming a very entertaining game for him.....
and your suffering (and the suffering of all who deal with active
alcoholics) is simply collateral damage.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Awal....this following link is an article by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. He has written several articles on alcoholism....and, I think they are really good....
This one is about lying in relationships.....
I thought you might appreciate it...
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
This one is about lying in relationships.....
I thought you might appreciate it...
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Glad you are seeing a counselor & taking care of you.
A slogan around here that might resonate with you -
"Don't go to a hardware store to buy bread"
It covers lots of territory when dealing with active alcoholics.
On some level, this is becoming a very entertaining game for him.....
and your suffering (and the suffering of all who deal with active
alcoholics) is simply collateral damage.
A slogan around here that might resonate with you -
"Don't go to a hardware store to buy bread"
It covers lots of territory when dealing with active alcoholics.
On some level, this is becoming a very entertaining game for him.....
and your suffering (and the suffering of all who deal with active
alcoholics) is simply collateral damage.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by dandylion
Awal....this following link is an article by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. He has written several articles on alcoholism....and, I think they are really good....
This one is about lying in relationships.....
I thought you might appreciate it...
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
This one is about lying in relationships.....
I thought you might appreciate it...
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Hard to know whether it’s a gamble or not ... but it does sound like it’s turning into a series of provocations (announcing “little drinks”, leaving dirty glasses out, etc). It sounds like someone trying things out to see what you will do.
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972
Hard to know whether it’s a gamble or not ... but it does sound like it’s turning into a series of provocations (announcing “little drinks”, leaving dirty glasses out, etc). It sounds like someone trying things out to see what you will do.
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The one to one counselling last night was ok. Lots of leaflets to read...a few assessment forms...a long chat. She gave me a little pack of mints for AH with a help line number on the lid and a little credit card sized card with a self help website to look at. She suggested to just leave them 'lying around'
when l got home he asked how it went. I said it was ok...nothing scary, just like chatting to a friend. I sat looking at the leaflets and l could see him looking out the corner of his eye. Later, l got up to go to bed and l just got the card and mints and put them on the coffee table and casually said..some mints here if you want them and web site info if you are interested. He just glanced at them and did a bit of a nod.
this morning...hes opened the mints...and the little card has gone. Its not in the bin...its not in his man drawer...maybe, just maybe, he's popped it in his wallet for future reference. The atmosphere was certainly different last night.
But...lm awake now, and am protecting myself, lm learning more each day about a problem l was very naive towards. I don't take things at face value anymore (with him) and l am well aware of his lying skills. But l also know, HE knows he has a problem, l can tell when l say something about it he doesnt answer...he doesn't deny. That's as close to an admission as l will get. Proud and stubborn. And also, unfortunately, Alcoholic.
l see my counsellor/supporter again in 2 weeks. X
when l got home he asked how it went. I said it was ok...nothing scary, just like chatting to a friend. I sat looking at the leaflets and l could see him looking out the corner of his eye. Later, l got up to go to bed and l just got the card and mints and put them on the coffee table and casually said..some mints here if you want them and web site info if you are interested. He just glanced at them and did a bit of a nod.
this morning...hes opened the mints...and the little card has gone. Its not in the bin...its not in his man drawer...maybe, just maybe, he's popped it in his wallet for future reference. The atmosphere was certainly different last night.
But...lm awake now, and am protecting myself, lm learning more each day about a problem l was very naive towards. I don't take things at face value anymore (with him) and l am well aware of his lying skills. But l also know, HE knows he has a problem, l can tell when l say something about it he doesnt answer...he doesn't deny. That's as close to an admission as l will get. Proud and stubborn. And also, unfortunately, Alcoholic.
l see my counsellor/supporter again in 2 weeks. X
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Awal,
It can be f-ing scary to have a mental illness/addiction, and to top it off these diseases tell the person who has them there's nothing wrong. Even if admitting to a problem, that may not mean he comprehends it.
The LEAP approach was mentioned on another thread. That's something that has helped me a lot, combined with a multi-faceted support system such as DV help centers, therapy & Al-anon. Emotional and psychological abuse are abuse.
LEAP: "There are techniques that can help. The key is to try to avoid a debate over whether your loved one is ill or not and instead look for some common ground."
Not giving in or enabling, yet looking at things from a new viewpoint.
Kudos on getting the 1 on 1 support. Is your getaway weekend coming up?
It can be f-ing scary to have a mental illness/addiction, and to top it off these diseases tell the person who has them there's nothing wrong. Even if admitting to a problem, that may not mean he comprehends it.
The LEAP approach was mentioned on another thread. That's something that has helped me a lot, combined with a multi-faceted support system such as DV help centers, therapy & Al-anon. Emotional and psychological abuse are abuse.
LEAP: "There are techniques that can help. The key is to try to avoid a debate over whether your loved one is ill or not and instead look for some common ground."
Not giving in or enabling, yet looking at things from a new viewpoint.
Kudos on getting the 1 on 1 support. Is your getaway weekend coming up?
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Mango212
Awal,
It can be f-ing scary to have a mental illness/addiction, and to top it off these diseases tell the person who has them there's nothing wrong. Even if admitting to a problem, that may not mean he comprehends it.
The LEAP approach was mentioned on another thread. That's something that has helped me a lot, combined with a multi-faceted support system such as DV help centers, therapy & Al-anon. Emotional and psychological abuse are abuse.
LEAP: "There are techniques that can help. The key is to try to avoid a debate over whether your loved one is ill or not and instead look for some common ground."
Not giving in or enabling, yet looking at things from a new viewpoint.
Kudos on getting the 1 on 1 support. Is your getaway weekend coming up?
It can be f-ing scary to have a mental illness/addiction, and to top it off these diseases tell the person who has them there's nothing wrong. Even if admitting to a problem, that may not mean he comprehends it.
The LEAP approach was mentioned on another thread. That's something that has helped me a lot, combined with a multi-faceted support system such as DV help centers, therapy & Al-anon. Emotional and psychological abuse are abuse.
LEAP: "There are techniques that can help. The key is to try to avoid a debate over whether your loved one is ill or not and instead look for some common ground."
Not giving in or enabling, yet looking at things from a new viewpoint.
Kudos on getting the 1 on 1 support. Is your getaway weekend coming up?
l dont want to him feel totally abandoned as he did want to come with me...he suggested a book a larger cottage...but l made the decision to book the usual small place for me and the dog. As you can probably detect my anger is subsiding which is probably good for ME! X
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