I got my confirmation tonight
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I'm sorry that he's sneaking, but I'm glad you feel some relief and can put the focus back on yourself.
By the way, that will be harder then it seems at first.
What are some things you can do to take care of you and start distancing yourself from the situation, if that's what you've chosen to do?
By the way, that will be harder then it seems at first.
What are some things you can do to take care of you and start distancing yourself from the situation, if that's what you've chosen to do?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Awal,
A gentle reminder, alcohol is a big part of this disease and it's also "only a symptom" at the same time. On our part, on their part.
Things that can help include continued learning and being open to new ways of approaching self-care, kindness and living in the solution.
(((hugs)))
One day at a time, friend.
A gentle reminder, alcohol is a big part of this disease and it's also "only a symptom" at the same time. On our part, on their part.
Things that can help include continued learning and being open to new ways of approaching self-care, kindness and living in the solution.
(((hugs)))
One day at a time, friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Weird thing is l contacted a local support group today, spoke to a lovely understanding lady...they have a meeting on Fri night which is all about dealing with emotions. I was wondering how l was going to be able to go without lying to him. All that changed when l found my 100% confirmation tonight. I have told him where l am going and why. Ive told him l have no expectations...but that l WILL be putting my own wellbeing first from hereon in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
I'm sorry that he's sneaking, but I'm glad you feel some relief and can put the focus back on yourself.
By the way, that will be harder then it seems at first.
What are some things you can do to take care of you and start distancing yourself from the situation, if that's what you've chosen to do?
By the way, that will be harder then it seems at first.
What are some things you can do to take care of you and start distancing yourself from the situation, if that's what you've chosen to do?
I doubt l will sleep much tonight but despite this l will show up to work in the morning. I have lots of thinking to do but hopefully with the right support l will stay afloat without resorting to medication. Time to dig deep for strength and resilience...but l know l will do it. Hell will freeze over before he breaks me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Mango212
Awal,
A gentle reminder, alcohol is a big part of this disease and it's also "only a symptom" at the same time. On our part, on their part.
Things that can help include continued learning and being open to new ways of approaching self-care, kindness and living in the solution.
(((hugs)))
One day at a time, friend.
A gentle reminder, alcohol is a big part of this disease and it's also "only a symptom" at the same time. On our part, on their part.
Things that can help include continued learning and being open to new ways of approaching self-care, kindness and living in the solution.
(((hugs)))
One day at a time, friend.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
Originally Posted by Awal
A bottle of vodka...snook in from his car...hidden in the conservatory under the sofa.
Seriously, though....been there. Maybe you can find some peace tonight.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Awal
A bottle of vodka...snook in from his car...hidden in the conservatory under the sofa. NOW I KNOW. No more searching required...
Happy to hear you have found some support and I hope the meeting goes well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Thank you everyone for your support. I have seen my doctor today who has given me diazepam to take the edge off for a day or two. He's admitted hiding and lying but then shuts down...then says lm blowing it out if all proportion...then when l point out the facts as l see them he just sits saying nothing. One minute lm coping the next lm not. Haven't turned into work after all as l have a customer facing role which would be impossible to carry off right now. I have such an overwhelming feeling of pity for him, because if l distance myself, which l know is the best thing for me, he will have no one....well apart from Jack that is.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Not distancing yourself hasn't worked.
He's an adult, and it's his choice--he isn't bothered by his drinking--you are.
All the reasoning in the world won't work if he doesn't want to quit or see a problem. That's why he gets quiet.
He wants you to leave him alone and get back to drinking.
The distance is the protection you need if you are going to stay in the situation.
He's an adult, and it's his choice--he isn't bothered by his drinking--you are.
All the reasoning in the world won't work if he doesn't want to quit or see a problem. That's why he gets quiet.
He wants you to leave him alone and get back to drinking.
The distance is the protection you need if you are going to stay in the situation.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good stuff! Good for you. Sending you huge hugs.
Originally Posted by Awal
Weird thing is l contacted a local support group today, spoke to a lovely understanding lady...they have a meeting on Fri night which is all about dealing with emotions. I was wondering how l was going to be able to go without lying to him. All that changed when l found my 100% confirmation tonight. I have told him where l am going and why. Ive told him l have no expectations...but that l WILL be putting my own wellbeing first from hereon in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah...well I'm glad you got your answer, but it doesn't change anything for him.
He doesn't have to talk about it.
He knows he has been drinking so you telling him you know isn't a life shattering thing, just an annoyance to him.
Your knowing isn't going to change anything.
And yeah, it is really sad. Take a look around the Newcomers section of the forums, or the alcoholism section.
As long as he drinks, it will get worse. Now that he knows you know, that's just going to give him more shame and more "reason" in his mind to drink.
~Signed, Double Winner.
He doesn't have to talk about it.
He knows he has been drinking so you telling him you know isn't a life shattering thing, just an annoyance to him.
Your knowing isn't going to change anything.
And yeah, it is really sad. Take a look around the Newcomers section of the forums, or the alcoholism section.
As long as he drinks, it will get worse. Now that he knows you know, that's just going to give him more shame and more "reason" in his mind to drink.
~Signed, Double Winner.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I have such an overwhelming feeling of pity for him, because if l distance myself, which l know is the best thing for me, he will have no one....well apart from Jack that is.
Detach from searching, obsessing and watching for his consumption. Detach from giving unsolicited advise. Focus on you not on what you think he should be doing. Go for support, get some sleep instead of staying awake trying to catch him. And allow yourself time to figure it all out while seeking support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by Awal
Thank you..strange thing is l feel a sense of freedom for myself...but deep sorrow for him.
I replied to your other thread before seeing this. Take care of yourself. I hope that group helps you. Nothing needs to happen today unless you want it too. Breathe
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by atalose
It’s possible to detach with love from the alcohol but not the alcoholic.
Detach from searching, obsessing and watching for his consumption. Detach from giving unsolicited advise. Focus on you not on what you think he should be doing. Go for support, get some sleep instead of staying awake trying to catch him. And allow yourself time to figure it all out while seeking support.
Detach from searching, obsessing and watching for his consumption. Detach from giving unsolicited advise. Focus on you not on what you think he should be doing. Go for support, get some sleep instead of staying awake trying to catch him. And allow yourself time to figure it all out while seeking support.
I always say don't drop the nuclear bomb when a firecracker will do for now. Sometimes it's good to step back and gather ourselves for awhile, regardless of yhesituation
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