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Clarity/my reckoning

Old 10-06-2018, 11:25 AM
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Clarity/my reckoning

I just typed this all out and lost it, so I'm doing it again but keeping it brief because I desperately need a shower...

The last time I started a thread, it was about how my divorce mediation was successful and all was good.

That is no longer the case. As often happens when dealing with disordered people, STBXAH moved the goal posts, so my lawyer and I decided to chuck the agreement and go to trial.

I'm now seeing the work of the Universe/Higher Power in this. The agreement wasn't enough to protect my kids.

See, the other day STBXAH showed up at my kids' school to pick them up. His speech was slurred, and his overall demeanor raised red flags with the staff about his sobriety.

Of course I took that info immediately to my lawyer, and even though there is no official parenting plan in place, she emailed his lawyer that I am suspending our current custody arrangement until STBXAH enrolls in SoberLink.

That's it in a nutshell. I welcome all encouragement and advice because I'm basically scared sh!tless about standing up to him. I'd still been living in denial despite all the growth and progress I've made, but I'm done. I see clearly now. I must protect my kids. I can't control the outcome of any of this, but I have to at least say that I tried.
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Old 10-06-2018, 11:41 AM
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Kids are a powerful incentive to ‘see the light.’ Keep their safety as your focus, and you will do well Tropical Winter.
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Old 10-06-2018, 11:46 AM
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Universe/Higher Power has your back. All is well.

My anxieties, fears and anger keep getting surpassed by faith, trust in the healing process, living in the solution and finding new ways to have serenity far outside my comfort zone.

You've got this!

Being scared of bullies is a normal response. Standing up to bullies, often by ways I never thought of before and with an inner strength I didn't know was there, keeps healing me. New, healthy, good people keep showing up in my life as I face the truth of what I want to cut out of my life and turn to a new direction in handling things.

Consistent show of strength on our part goes a long way. I have much longer pieces of time that are peaceful now. Sending many good vibes for you!
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Old 10-06-2018, 01:47 PM
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Yes, this entire year has been me taking one stand after another. Each time I feel more empowered and heal that much more, giving fewer and fewer Fs about what he or his family thinks. This most recent one is the biggest one. The angriest he ever got with me while we were together was when I would bring up his drinking, so I rarely did. I lived with the constant threat of tragedy hanging over my head. It's only sheer dumb luck that nothing too horrible has happened yet - there has surely been plenty of potential for it over the years.

But now I'm in full mama bear mode. I can't live like that anymore. I have to do this. My lawyer is working on a motion this weekend to file next week.
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Old 10-06-2018, 05:05 PM
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The first time that you stand up to the is the most difficult. You did a good thing and you should be proud of your actions. Stay strong.
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Old 10-09-2018, 10:18 AM
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How are you today TW? (...just catching up on SR & seeing this...)

I find it kinda awesome that while you have this fear around standing up to your Ex (understandably), the Universe delivered you ironclad proof & witnesses to help support you. If it HAD to happen, I'm glad it seems to end up working in your favor.

Do you know when to expect him to be notified about the motion? Has he been giving you grief about the suspended visitation?
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Old 10-09-2018, 11:41 AM
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I think you are handling this difficult time very well. Don’t ever hesitate to use any all tools at your disposal – police, lawyer, courts whatever it may take. He will have to learn about the new you and the new way you plan on handling things the hard way and that will be his choice.
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Old 10-09-2018, 12:15 PM
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I'm hanging in there, thank you FS!

Things are kind of touchy, but my lawyer and I are muddling forward. Part of it is that the school did not respond appropriately, so we're trying to navigate that. I have no intention of bringing legal action against the school; I just want to leverage this incident to protect my kids.

He hasn't seen the kids since the day of the incident. He finally emailed me back and asked to see them in a setting that was not within the boundaries I had set, and I responded by re-stating my boundaries and making a reasonable offer for him to spend time with them in a safe setting. No response yet.

I'm pretty anxious about it, honestly, but I have to do this. I have a fantastic support system, which is helpful.

And you're right, atalose - this is the new me, and I'm done taking BS. What's that quote about speaking up even if your voice shakes? That's me.
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