Mango212

The longer I'm in No Contact with toxic family members, the happier and more joyful I am. I'm becoming familiar with having safe, creative and healing environments.

I have explained it to very few people, will various results.

Now a go-to plan for anyone who wants me to discuss or change this is:



"That’s my decision and I’m not going to discuss it with you.”

By closing the conversation down, you deny someone the chance to gain control of the situation.

If that fails, leave. Walk away.



All my childhood and for much of my adulthood I have apologized, even as I realized it wasn't necessary. No longer!

Or, at least I'm working on it!

I think I'm doing well at this, yet often find honest feedback that I'm still doing this. I'm saying "thank you" much more often and working at apologizing much less often. As in, only if I really have something to apologize for, which is still, day by day, getting sorted out and hopefully finding a healthy expression!!!

Apologizing more than you have to, even if no apology is needed:

Children of narcissistic, alcoholic or emotionally abusive parents tend to become fluent in saying “sorry” – even for just their very existence. It takes time to unlearn this behavior and learn to only apologize for actual transgressions rather than any perceived burdensomeness.


Anyone else have experience with overusing apologies?

CodeJob

Yes. I’ll apologize for the weather & a menagerie or other things I have no control over.

I’ve worn a rubber band on my wrist at times to snap myself as a physical reminder that language and conversation is a big component of recovery.

Mango212

My son and I are doing a 24-hour no apologies challenge. Each time we play some kind of game like this we get better at it. Sometimes we're allowed a set number of apologies we can use. This time we aren't allowing any verbal apologies. If we owe an apology it'll be written down, with good intents and no shame.

The focus has been on playfulness, enjoying some quiet time and working together to get chores done. The challenge is just kind of a non-challenge this time around. Progress.

Glenjo99

Something I'm conscious of also. Have stopped saying it in supermarkets or when going around someone on a footpath! What am I sorry for! Breathing?

Love codependency awareness!

Leelee168

After my relationship with an Abusive A, I apologize for everything, to anyone and everyone. I know that I do it because it helped me to keep things calm.

I work on it and one day I won’t keep apologizing.