Getting back together with ex
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
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Getting back together with ex
Yes we both have our addiction problems but both my husband and I were unable to adjust living apart. We both were dying without each other. We are going to start couples counseling. Finally my heart doesn’t feel broke anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Freedom.....I just read your other post in Newcomers forum.....I have detoxed hundreds of alcoholics.....I want to ask you why you don't go to an inpatient detox facility....to avoid the anxiety, depression and anxiety that you "dread"?
Or, at least, visit a doctor for supervised in home detox...…
I don't understand why people suffer when there is no need to.....
Or, at least, visit a doctor for supervised in home detox...…
I don't understand why people suffer when there is no need to.....
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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May I ask what changes have you both made? Do you not think after a few weeks/months that'll it just be more of the same from both sides?
Edit: Most couples therapist/counselors won't take on people with active addiction.
Edit: Most couples therapist/counselors won't take on people with active addiction.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
How long have you tried adjusting to being apart? These things can take a lot of time and it's normal to struggle and feel like dying. Going back to what feels "safe" can just be another quick fix like reaching for the bottle is for the alcoholic. It feels better for a short moment but leads only to increased levels of pain and struggle...
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Freedom.....I think there are holes in your theory that suffering withdrawl symptoms will make you not want to drink again, in the future....I have worked with so many alcoholics and known many....and it just doesn't work that way....
After all, according to your other posts, you have suffered this way, many times...and it didn't keep you from picking up again.....
Plus....withdrawl can be dangerous and so uncomfortable that it can lead one to pick up again, just to get relief.....
Of course, you sound very stubborn and fixed in your beliefs...so, I know that you will do what you want to, any way...lol....
I am just trying to tell you that, in my experience, there is a safer and better way....
After all, according to your other posts, you have suffered this way, many times...and it didn't keep you from picking up again.....
Plus....withdrawl can be dangerous and so uncomfortable that it can lead one to pick up again, just to get relief.....
Of course, you sound very stubborn and fixed in your beliefs...so, I know that you will do what you want to, any way...lol....
I am just trying to tell you that, in my experience, there is a safer and better way....
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
I agree with both dandylion and SparkleKitty. It's a great decision to focus on yourself and your sobriety now and not make things more complicated by adding another person to your life, may that be your ex or a new guy.
But from my experience, sobriety shouldn't be based on avoiding another withdrawal. Avoidance and fear are exactly the things that made me want to drink, not what keeps me sober. Also it won't take long and even the worst withdrawal will be a slowly fading memory. Make sure you're safe please, that's the most important right now. You're responsible for your physical well being and if there's anything you can do to improve it, I would love for you to take that chance
But from my experience, sobriety shouldn't be based on avoiding another withdrawal. Avoidance and fear are exactly the things that made me want to drink, not what keeps me sober. Also it won't take long and even the worst withdrawal will be a slowly fading memory. Make sure you're safe please, that's the most important right now. You're responsible for your physical well being and if there's anything you can do to improve it, I would love for you to take that chance
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Freedom.....I think there are holes in your theory that suffering withdrawl symptoms will make you not want to drink again, in the future....I have worked with so many alcoholics and known many....and it just doesn't work that way....
After all, according to your other posts, you have suffered this way, many times...and it didn't keep you from picking up again.....
Plus....withdrawl can be dangerous and so uncomfortable that it can lead one to pick up again, just to get relief.....
Of course, you sound very stubborn and fixed in your beliefs...so, I know that you will do what you want to, any way...lol....
I am just trying to tell you that, in my experience, there is a safer and better way....
After all, according to your other posts, you have suffered this way, many times...and it didn't keep you from picking up again.....
Plus....withdrawl can be dangerous and so uncomfortable that it can lead one to pick up again, just to get relief.....
Of course, you sound very stubborn and fixed in your beliefs...so, I know that you will do what you want to, any way...lol....
I am just trying to tell you that, in my experience, there is a safer and better way....
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
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I’ve deleted all my online dating site accounts. Meeting men was just complicating my life. And I know deep down my ex isn’t good for me. I need to focus on my sobriety right now and possibly add SLAA meetings into the mix since I am always searching to be loved in whatever way.
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Proud of you for that decision Freedom. My xabf has been trying to get back together with me, but honestly I don't feel we were good for eachother. Certainly he was not for me, but I also don't think it's any coincidence that he has been sober for the longest period since I've left him. He will text me from time to time and from what I have heard he has been on the wagon since the day I left. Not saying that is why, but I think I always created such a safety net for him that he never tried to stay sober. He knew I would always pick him up or that he could use my home as a landing pad.
It's time for you to be with you. And it sounds like you have realized that. You are the most important person in your life. Never forget that.
It's time for you to be with you. And it sounds like you have realized that. You are the most important person in your life. Never forget that.
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Originally Posted by Smarie78
Proud of you for that decision Freedom. My xabf has been trying to get back together with me, but honestly I don't feel we were good for eachother. Certainly he was not for me, but I also don't think it's any coincidence that he has been sober for the longest period since I've left him. He will text me from time to time and from what I have heard he has been on the wagon since the day I left. Not saying that is why, but I think I always created such a safety net for him that he never tried to stay sober. He knew I would always pick him up or that he could use my home as a landing pad.
It's time for you to be with you. And it sounds like you have realized that. You are the most important person in your life. Never forget that.
It's time for you to be with you. And it sounds like you have realized that. You are the most important person in your life. Never forget that.
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remember, you drank when you were with your ex. there was no magic bubble surrounding you and keeping the bad things out. you could in fact be craving your using partner......an extension of plain ole cravings.
he is not the solution.
sobriety in all things IS!
he is not the solution.
sobriety in all things IS!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
My opinion is that its not a good idea to be making decisions while detoxing.
I also agree there is no need to suffer through detox. Ive heard it fabled that suffering can be a deterrent but I think its unlikely and more of an old school approach. I would question more the desire NOT to seek help which would put the addiction out there into the light, and place resources of help at your fingertips.
I also agree there is no need to suffer through detox. Ive heard it fabled that suffering can be a deterrent but I think its unlikely and more of an old school approach. I would question more the desire NOT to seek help which would put the addiction out there into the light, and place resources of help at your fingertips.
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So far so good on staying sober on Day 1. I feel a huge relief deleting all of those dating apps. I was encountering a lot of negative, sketchy situations with men that was bringing me down. Also if you don’t give men what they want, they can become mean and vindictive. I feel I have a better shot at sobriety staying away from all of this since it’s a distraction. I filed for divorce from my husband about 2 months ago. He is not contesting it since I gave him more. So I think it just becomes official when we go to court in December since he did not file any response to my petition.
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Successfully made it to Day 2. Feeling a lot better, especially since I’m looking to treat my sex and love addiction which should help me stay sober. I’m already reading the SLAA big book, plan on going to SLAA meetings and have already deleted all of my online dating/hookup sites. I feel a lot of relief and can now look forward to doing other things in my sobriety rather than desperately looking for my next soulmate.
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