Payday loan?
 

DS7 and I were walking home yesterday from school. He told me that after catechism on Saturday he went with "Daddy to pay a bill." As I was taking kids to my Mom yesterday evening we passed by a cash advance place. DS7 said "that's where I went with Daddy to pay a bill." It dawned on me that he has been using cash advances for the last year.

My STBAXH has a full time job. After he pays me child support and alimony he is left with a good amount around 1800 per month. He lives with his mom, doesn't pay bills there, only has credit card bills which add up to less than 400 per month.

I forced my X to get his own bank account this past February. Within the last year he would often ask me for a blank check (which is needed for cash advance). I would give him one, never thought much of it. *We don't share an account anymore*

A few months before I filed for divorce my X would take 200-300 dollars a week from our joint account. I would ask him about it and he would never give me an answer. I have questioned him if he is using drugs. He said no but it didn't sound convincing. I had even brought it up to his Mom she seemed confused but not surprised. I have no actual proof or have seen any drugs in his possession. But I can't shake this feeling that the cash advance is being used for something illegal.

His behavior and appearance is never good. He has enough money left over to get by especially for the fact he pays no major bills. I would often see charges after we split that he would visit this mini market in a bad part of my town where it is known for prostitution and drugs. Do I sound crazy? I guess I've been putting everything together from the last 2 years. My gut feeling is telling me more is to come and that money is being used for illegal activity.

Does this sound like something anyone else has experienced before?

My method:

1. Trust information came to me for a reason.

2. What's for dinner? :) Keep focus on kid, my own healing and enjoyment of life. Life balance.

3. Pray, meditate and trust I'll know what actions to take in good, right timing.

4. Keep my intentions clear: protection of child. Other than that it's not my business. If a parent is not safe/healthy to be around, trust God to work through me and others to protect child.

Trust your gut. Trust your instincts. Fact finding missions are God things to me. If I'm suddenly inspired and things are flowing, go with it. If I get wrapped up in my mind in it, it's time to step back, let go, let God.

This is one of the areas where domestic violence help centers have helped me in vocalizing what I'm seeing, and refocusing towards to bigger picture of safety, protection and healing.

Keep posting. Keep working things out. Widen your support grid in whatever ways you're led to. :)

Aw geez mama bear, I say this with respect,, but it is no longer your concern if he visits the pay advance store. As long as he is current with his child support payments,it doesn’t matter if he banks on the moon.

What are you doing for yourself these days?

Thank you Mango. I just feel like I really didn't know who I was married too. Seeing and hearing him doing certain things I never thought is scary that i slept next to a stranger. I appreciate all your positivity and support : )

I had a feeling someone would say this to me.

And I'm doing plenty for myself now a days:
-Work
-Kids
-College classes
-Gym

You know those mobile banking apps that deposit checks if you just take a photo of them? He could do the same thing with your blank checks. Even if you wrote VOID on them, if he was handy with a computer he could create a mockup pretty easily.

Friends of mine had thousands of dollars stolen from their account when some guy photoshopped their account and routing numbers onto a counterfeit check from a multinational company.

I know this is a PITA, but I would change account numbers if you haven't done so already.

I have no experience with Payday loans directly or indirectly. I have done a bit of sleuthing in my time, long ago when I thought it mattered (it didn't).

I don't think it's surprising really. You mentioned once that your cousin who is a police officer found him in a truck in a parking lot at 10:30 at night with a woman. When questioned your Husband made a crude remark about it.

He has a history of taking hundreds of dollars every week from your bank account.

Is he using drugs? Short of actually catching him taking them there is no way to know, unless he gets caught of course.

He sponges off his parents, lives with another alcoholic (Brother) that is a member of a gang. He has a night time visitor woman, he is an alcoholic that drinks a lot.

Aside from the sponging off the parents, all of this takes cash. Who knows what he's in to.

Thank you for the advice. I did change my account. It was a process because I had to switch all my bills over but I'm glad I did it. A fresh start.

Very true. I guess I'm just still processing everything and getting a clearer picture of all of his motives. I just hope and pray neither one of my boys turn out like him. That is my biggest fear that they pick up any habits or negative traits from him.

That right there is a huge worry for you i'm sure and I feel for you on that.

You know, it's kind of inevitable (starting to pick up negative ideas). I'm sorry to say that but they are "half" his, half his genetic makeup half his influence (ok maybe a bit less than that since he only has visitation).

The great thing here is that you, as the custodial parent, have the greatest influence on them. You get to be the balance. You get to be the one that talks to them about the great risks of using drugs or alcohol, about how gangs are not cool or something to be admired about how hurting other people is wrong etc etc.

It's a huge responsibility and I'm sure not one you intended to have to do on your own, but that is where you are and I know you will rise to that challenge, it's clear how much you care about your children's well-being.

I also completely get trying to unravel some of the "mystery" about who you married and what the hell happened. He kind of fell off a cliff there, he was there then he wasn't. That's all very hurtful and the prelude to all that was hurtful and I know that the mind likes to review, so I get that.

Your children are beautiful gifts from God.

New beginnings, each and every day. Law of attraction: if you focus on the negative, it keeps building. Changed focus changes everything in this one day. This is powerful and can become a good, positive momentum.

God's walking me through my genetics/heritage and has broken all toxic family bonds. Miracles happen every day. :)

Family is more than blood ties.

The alcoholic/addict is stressed out. There is an an energy to this. It is possible to detach from that. It's not yours to be a part of. It's not your load to carry, energetic, mentally or emotionally. :)

I still remember the first time I heard those words and it sunk it.

It's a wonderful life and we get to choose to experience it in ways that nourish us and our children.

Zendaya, "Wonderful Life" from the movie Smallfoot
https://youtu.be/YXaiZRVCWno

It sounds like your ex is keeping secrets of some sort.

It may be that he's spending too much money or that he is doing something even more harmful.

You are right Mango. I'm trying my best to focus on positive things.

I love that "Family is more than blood ties."

Yes alot of secrets coming out. I feel like he is a complete stranger to me now. It's like I never really knew who he was.

My late husband was withdrawing money from his 401k. HE didn't tell me. Our tax preparer did, under the guise of explaining our tax bill. I'm sure he knew Late Husband hadn't told me, and we still filed jointly.

Did you ever find out what he was doing with the money?

LOL buying beer!

Of course...Lol

Part of my Alanon recovery was saying "it's none of my business". I had to stop offering unsolicited advice and bring the focus back to me and my issues.