Shredder22

I don't want anyone to try to figure out my life. I will give you a brief synopsis. 34, only child, dry home. Single parent mother, deadbeat dad. Lost my gm in 14 who was more a motherly figure. Current mother incapable of love discovered this year's ago in therapy hence my great escape to Florida I have 0 supports but therapist.
My mom has a severe hoarding issue or whording however it's spelled. I try to help but it only infuriates hoarders. She won't give me back my old room my gm gave to me before her passing as she buried it alive with whord. I sleep in my grandma's room she passed in. I stick it out. This is temporary but hurts.
Today I said we have not mentioned Florida.
Verbatim: what's the point of you going to Florida if I help you with $ for you not to get a job, fail, and come right back.

That is someone who wants me to fail. Yes, my mom saved me I left my studio in June and she loved the ex ABF I could not keep a job as I got the 3 bedroom for our future and he never saw it. I slept a lot, didn't shower, stalked him I'm sure we all remember.
I'm getting out of here to escape the memories, escape lack of supports, escape living so close 1 hour away from ex ABF. I have 2 friends out there and authentic ones. Times in life do get tough and depression does happen it hit me like a ton of bricks in June. I'm escaping my own mom who expects me to fail and no dad. Fresh start, sunny days, friends, no state tax, and job opportunities and no dating I mean that. I slipped up and slept with someone out here as it was familiar. I want a reinvention, new chapter, no triggers of people, places, and things. I have worked my whole life i guess a 75 day slump over alcoholism and a broken heart defines my character my whole life.

This triggers feelings of unloved, missing a loser. I just called my therapist you can do this she said a fresh start. You can either be brave or be scared not both. Do I take her money she said I'll fail with. She does not love me I repeat does not love me. Established this year's ago. You all can't fix my life I'm sorry for anyone I was rude to. Life isn't easy but you should also make the best of it. I am unable to do that out here. Would you all pack it up and 95 south it after your own mother wished failure on her kid. I promise you all I had working papers at 15 I know how to work. My whole life. I feel sad

Leelee168

So here is the thing...it doesn’t matter what we would do, because we’re not you.

That said... As someone with a lot more “life experience” which is really a polite way of self-identifying as someone a bit older than you and with, well, more life experience, I would ask myself if I was running away from something or running to something. There’s a difference.

I have lived close to my family, far away from my family, within several hours of my family and what I know is this: The troubles and problems of life existed wherever I lived. Moving my location didn’t change the problems, I just faced them in a different location. If you feel that you have a strong bond with your therapist, is there value in staying put for a while, saving more $$$, working through some issues, and then moving somewhere, after you visit and take a hard look at the community, and that has a strong job market? I’ll also self-disclose as not a fan of Florida, other than a couple of weeks in Sanibel Island. It’s crowded, expensive and hotter than Hades in the summer. But that’s me—and you have to decide what is going to be best for you.

marie1960

Shredder, sounds like you mom has plenty of her own life issues, and challenges. So maybe she isn’t in the best of health to be offering sound motherly advice?

So these two close Florida friends that you speak so highly of, may I ask are they married? Do they have kids, are there parents close by.? Would this be 3 single women sharing housing?

And I don’t think anyone here is going to try and fix your life, but I am willing to listen and share my experience. I do agree with what Lee Lee is sharing, some good things to think about. I am just curious to what the actual living arrangements will be for you in Florida, if you care to share.

Shredder22

My best friend she is married her and hubby non drinkers. We are originally from the same state her first relationship where she had 2 kids from was with an active drunk. This was going back years ago when I was a teen. Her child's father proposed to her with a stolen ring he stole from his mother. A single mother of 2 had enough after 13 years and did the great escape.

She is N/C 7 years also on dialysis as she has one functioning kidney and we got good news we think she has a match. Her daughter is 19 I'm godmother she loves me. We do healthy activities, gym, swimming etc. They just visited in May. She is not a Code she is my best friend and if she was a Code she got past that.

Jacksonville would be where I'm going my company has positions and I have connections. Being from northeast we had winter until May. The goal is transfer to Jacksonville, stay with her, or save some $ for another month and find lodging immediately out there. My therapist will do phone sessions with me and hook me up with the proper resources for a face to face therapist my doctor will also make sure I'm taken care of with a doc out there. I'm not running from my problems Marie they are all out here only my therapist believes in me and I do believe in myself. I don't care if it's hot as hell no more horrid winters yes my emotions will follow me I do think they will subside not laying in the bed my gm passed in 2014 w a lack of support mom and a supportive therapist. I have no sunshine out here even when I try. I really do believe this would be the great escape. Thank you Marie1960 for being a positive support I'm sorry if I was ever rude to you. I appreciate your empathy at one point on here I felt people had favorites and I was drowning looking for a buoey from someone and hopeful4, seren, SparkleKitty, marie1960 , Glenjo, trinity, and tea tree all were the nicest people ever. Even today I saw a response towards me I saw nasty but I ignored it. At some point I will have to walk away from this with all the good info and advice my online friends and vets taught me. You are appreciated marie1960.
Thank you,
Shredder

marie1960

Shredder I am a northern Michigan native, and I have experienced snow in the month of June here.. I too am growing tired of the harsh ,cold winters, for me Florida in the winter time sounds divine.

Shredder, currently you are miserable where you are, so if you have a plan and and good support system lined up to help you get established, go for it. If your best friend is willing and able to house you for a couple months that would be great, as you may need more than a months saving to get reestablished. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


When exactly are you planning on making this move? This month? Next month?

Believing in yourself is half the battle. Sometimes all we can do is pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and go forward. We don’t look back, we no longer live in the past. I am rooting for you!

Atlast9999

Shredder,

You really have a lot on your plate. It sounds to me like you have a good plan worked out with the move: a caring friend, positive relationships with her and her daughter, positive and engaging activities (the swimming you referenced), a job, access to your therapist and doctor, and a transition plan of care to local supports.

Your current situation does not seem to have these qualities, based on your description.

I have found in my own life that if I am actively depressed, my living (work, romantic, etc) situation can make my life so much more unbearable. Sometimes a change of scenery helps change perspective. Not to say that our problems don’t come with us, but we have a better light in which to view them.

Wishing you all the best.

hopeful4

Schredder, I am so sorry your mom is acting that way. She obviously has mental issues, and likely will not change at this point. So you find a support system outside of her. While you have to be there, you create your own space, keep it tidy and make it your little place. Do this until you have the resources to move on yourself. You can still be making that fresh start during this time. A mindset is a fresh start.

We are behind you, you can do this. Your therapist is right though, you have to make up your mind to be brave to make the changes you want in life. If not, nothing changes and you stay in this cycle.

You can do this, and we are here supporting you!