quietsins

hi everyone,

ran into the A last night at a hockey game. he is working on himself. at least that is what he told me. and to see him out at night instead of home drinking is proof he is working on him. is it realistic and not blaming to ask for a detailed description of what "working on himself" means? i love this man deeply, as he loves me. but oh the pain we have put everyone thru... each other, the kids. etc.

i own up to my part in this mess, but when do you know someone in your life is there because of God's will and not your own? and how do you rebuild again? we have done that so many times before already.

what boundaries do i set for myself? how do we forgive and forget and yet hold onto boundaries? i am so confused and want to be realistic. and yet like pandora's box...i have hope.

quietsins

wraybear

WOW! sounds like we have a lot in common. The pain this has caused all of us, is horrific. But, in my case we have been doing it off and on for 15 years. My A is seeing a Christian counselor at our church (we have seen another Christian counselor before and he shouldn't have called himself a Christian counselor.) and I have an appointment next week. I just read a book called "Boundaries" and it helped a lot. I am asking the same question about forgiving and forgetting. My A has been gone for only two weeks, so I am not ready to forgive or forget. I do need to start forgiving myself for my part in all this so I can start healing and then start taking better care of myself and my children. Then forgiving him can come later. I am really excited about this counseling ministry at my church. It is a BIG church with about 30 counselors on staff. And, several of them are very experienced with addiction. Maybe you can try that avenue. I know about going back between having no hope and having hope too. I really was read to throw in the towel last week, even met with an attorney. But, today i have hope. It is a crazy life! I will pray for you in northern minnesota that you find some peace today. And try not to worry about tomorrow.

Peace out!

bikewench

I believe that when it is God's will at work... you won't even have to question ..

There are so many insidious ways that codependancy works in our lives. If we don't zing one way... we'll get them with another...

I am beginning to understand that the only way I can stop zinging people I love is to keep my focus on MY journey.... MY connection to my Higher Power... MY behavior... and to act in my life with honesty and caring for myself FIRST. That way... I will be all right regardless of what other people are doing... and I will instinctively know what my boundaries are....

... anything that interferes in my journey of wellness...