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Old 09-16-2018, 04:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Being Lied Too


I was lied to by my exah for 25 years. He still lies to me. He will snigger about how gullible I am to my sons. My son hate him lying and do not trust him or anyone else much either. They assume cos he lies most people do. I'd liked to tell them that is not true but unfortunately I seem to attract liars into my life.

The latest is a female friend of mine who admitted finally she has lied to me constantly since I met her over a year ago. She only came clean cos I sussed something out that didn't add up. Her excuses for her lies was she didn't trust me. She says she is paranoid but the lies she told me were ridiculous and not even about her. EG. in answer to me asking have you seen such and such a person recently which was just small talk when we were out for a coffee type chit chat. She'd answer with the opposite of whatever the truth was. I put the phone down after her confession and have basically decided to avoid her from now on. I feel sad that she treated my friendship to her in such a way.

It got me thinking who else in my life constantly lies to me and I've realised there are quite a few. I decided my boundary is they are history. Am sick of being treated like rubbish by people who cannot even be honest with me about simple things like have you seen so and so recently? I need to work out why I attract liars of both sexes into my life.
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Old 09-16-2018, 04:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry, Ladybird! I can't begin to imagine...I have no pearls of wisdom to share. Just sending my support
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Old 09-16-2018, 04:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I too send support your way. Not everyone is
a liar. Sometimes, we learn bad habits growing
up for whatever reason, maybe to survive bad
situations like verbal, physical, emotional abuse,
like I did. Then carried it over into my adult life
and alcohol addiction.

Over the yrs in recovery, I have had to relearn
may valuable, healthy lessons in life and one being
honesty in all my affair. Once I learned this lesson
then a door opened to a way of life more meaningful
than before.

A gift of honesty, a burden lifted off my
shoulders, softening the stresses in my
life.

Dont change who you are. A kind, caring,
honest person who you are and continue
to be a shining example on what living and
honest life can be. Rewarding and healthy.
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Old 09-16-2018, 06:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I feel the same way Ladybird! My soon to be ex husband has lied to me about everything! I find it very offensive. And I have said on numerous occasions that if I find out someone lies to me, our friendship/relationship is over. The only people I expect to lie to me are my inmates. I expect that!

I am so sorry thast your friend has been lying to you. And for her to say, I did it because I didn't trust you! That's very laughable. It sounds to me that she has issues n just can't tell the truth.

If you can lie about small stuff, you can lie about big stuff!
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Old 09-16-2018, 08:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Ladybird I am sending love, support and truth your way. I too found out after 26 years of marriage my AXH had been lying to me about everything. In fact, after he came clean he said to me that he lied to me just to lie, he said he lied about things he didn't even need to lie about. Thats when I truly saw how sick he was. We owned a business together and contractors and employees would call me (well after he was sober) saying they're finding that he lies to them alot. I talked to him about it very recently and how it's hurting his business and he said he knows and doesn't know how to stop lying.

A sane mind thinks "hey i know, just don't lie", but that's not how their mind works. I don't get it, I don't care to figure it out. It's just a part of who he is and I'm grateful he's my X.

I work on trusting people constantly, but if you lie to me once... you're done. I will never accept anything but the complete truth, even when it hurts, ever again. I'd rather deal with the pain of the truth and navigate that any day, over being lied to. And as someone said, if someone can lie to you once and about something little, they can lie about anything. That's at least what I believe as well. This is a boundary I put in place for me. Integrity.
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Old 09-16-2018, 09:18 AM   #6 (permalink)
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So sorry - it is infuriating, but we cannot control others behaviors.

XAH lied about his course load - came out in a session with family therapist about co-parenting.

He was earlier claiming he did not get extra hours, in co-parenting sessions he mentioned that he has as many extra hours as possible hence I have to be flexible with allowing him to drop off DS earlier if “he is tired”. There was absolutely no reason to lie - child support does not change. He lied just because it fit into his narrative of being broke.
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Old 09-16-2018, 10:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Ladybird.....I can only guess that you were lied to when you were growing up by your most trusted caretakers.....
Issues of this type, almost always have their seeds planted during our early development.....
This is why Family of Origin work, with an experienced, especially trained therapist is so critical......
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Old 09-16-2018, 04:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladybird579 View Post
He will snigger about how gullible I am to my sons.
I'm really sorry this happens to you.

The part quoted above is the biggest lie of all.

Just because someone believes someone else doesn't make them "gullible" although i'm sure liars like to believe that. It means the person is trusting of you and you have broken that trust, nothing more.

Anyone can lie, it's no great talent, it's just telling a story - big deal.

The lie is all on the liar, not the recipient.
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Old 09-17-2018, 03:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for the replies. It's good to know other have the same experiences. Sad tho. What Dandy said is true. My foa did and still do lie to me if they get the chance. The most recent my father saying my sister was having a party in her home town for her wedding cos close family who lived further away had not been invited. There were 96 public photos on facebook showing the opposite. Everyone was there. She just hadn't invited me. She's an alcoholic and she knows I know. The party never happened.

The "friend's" latest text to me giving her reason for lying constantly about her whole life is bizarre. It is so weird I do not know how to answer it. I doubt I will.

It seems I need yet more work on myself. I don't think I have enough lifetime left to deal with the last nearly 60 years of stuff. I am going to concentrate on building up my business and look after my boys as they go onto the next chapter of their lives.
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