Seeing him everywhere...am I loosing it?
 

This is quite random, but I felt the urge to share as I think I'm going mad.

Being I'll this week, and feeling quite angry at the world. Also notice my anxiety is quite high at moment. Still doing my codependency reading, meditation etc although struggling at the moment with it all.

So been out and about in different places this week, and I keep thinking I see my ex! I've been convinced it's him and my heart races and in that moment I've convinced myself he has moved back here, has relapsed or any other thing to convince myself he's returned. I've turned the car around twice to drive past the person and up close of course it's not him. But he's on my mind a lot and keep thinking he's around. Been reading a couple of his old messages last night which I know isn't helping.

Am I finally loosing the plot? Anyone else experience this.

I think when we lose someone we love (death, breakup), we often "see" them.

I would see men out in public, on sidewalks, in stores, who looked like my late husband, and my heart would race and then sink into my stomach when I realized that it wasn't possible. I don't know why it happens, but I can tell you, it stops after a while.

I know how awful it can be, though!!

Yeh it's kind of stressful actually, my heart just goes like mad and it brings up all kinds of insecurities! Only been happening in this last week.

Then I was up a mountain walking this morning, said some spiritual prayers at the top, asked universe to show me sign today I am in the right direction, and was feeling good.

On way down "our song" started playing on my phone on it's own. Haven't listened to that song for months, wasn't able. My phone was in my pocket not doing anything I thought. Was this a sign and of what.......or just coincidence.

I see it as a coincidence......

Probably 🙄

When I’m missing someone like that, sometimes actors on tv or random people remind me of the person, or I start to dream about the person like crazy. I don’t mind the dreaming so much, sometimes you get these aha moments- your innate knowledge / psyche is trying to work itself out/ help you out. It can be kind of disconcerting thinking you see someone in public, though, especially when you realize it’s not them :(.

Yeh I suppose I'm wondering is it something trying to work itself out in me, is it just sadness because I miss him and want to see him, or am I receiving messages from the universe. Ok this will make me sound crazy, but I trust people in here. I woke one morning week before last, heard a whisper in my ear, clear as if it was a real person, it said ____ was drinking again. I have no evidence on either side as we're not in contact.

Maybe this is just my unconscious wishful thinking that I'm hearing from him.

I believe you; I do think there’s a lot we don’t know about connections/ the universe/ things that aren’t logical or tangible. I had a very vivid dream that my best friend relapsed, I didn’t get to talk to him and unfortunately he died , but it was weird how it ended up being true. Moments / insights like that are hard to make sense of, especially if there is no contact with a person, but things like that always give me pause too..

Or you were at that in-between place between asleep and awake.

You have been dwelling a lot on him, it's not surprising at all that you think you "see" him. You probably have thoughts like, I wish I could see him, wish we could talk, how is he doing, is he drinking again?

And probably quite often?

So if that is the case it's not surprising that you are connecting that with random people in the street etc

Sorry to hear about your best friend. That's exactly what I'm talking about. The only thing is if he was drinking again I'm pretty sure I would have heard from him, but then you just don't know.

Yes possibly too

Hi Glenjo I'm right here with you
 

Yes,
He's in my dreams now/Nightmares. We live an hour away so the only way I would see him is if I sabotaged no contact.

With breakups in the past I always thought I saw them. My girlfriends often who were enduring breakups would say pull up to the car at the light that's him. We would try to laugh it off another make believe sighting.

You are not crazy, hallucinating, or gone mad. You are NORMAL you endured a shock to your system. You are doing everything in your power to move on. You will. It stinks our suffering changes nothing while who knows or cares what they are doing. Most likely drunk and not hurting like us. Don't quote me on that. I'm not an alcoholic. Give yourself some grace Glenjo I'm right here w u summer 18 emotional roller coaster.
Very Best,
Shredder

Thanks shredder, it's great to hear I'm not going mad. That it has something to do with the shock makes sense, possibly trauma effects. It's taken me by surprise as I thought I was doing ok. Journaling and writing in here today as feeling very anxious about whole thing, even wanted to message him to see if he's ok but I'll regret it so I won't. Summer 18, horrendous!

Got very anxious about his well being earlier, had a weak moment and checked if he was online (still have his number). He was, so I know he is alive. I haven't done that for 7 weeks but got overwhelmed tonight. I know it's not my business anymore and my focus needs to be on me, but I'm human and cared for him. Thought I had gone passed this, but shows it's still early days. Maybe someday soon I can delete the number.

Glenjo, what have you done to take care of YOU lately? That showed the inner Glenjo you are there and all is well? What self-love have you shown for you?

I totally get the seeing them places, their car, their everything. And I think that is all natural and part of the grieving process. It is a process and to believe anything else will be so harmful. It takes time and that time varies for everyone. Breathe through those moments. Remember you can have a thought (did i just see him?) but you don't need to follow it. Let it just be a thought and let go of it.

Turn the focus to you. Over and over and over again. It's constant. Eventually the thoughts on him will diminish, but be aware and keep refocusing onto you.

Are you going crazy? Stephen Sondheim wrote an entire song about what you're going through. So many artists have covered it, that you have to know that it's practically a universal condition.

One of my favorite renditions (by Marin Mazzie, bless her soul)...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJz7le7LdI

and then you've got...

Liza Minelli with the Pet Shop Boys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4hOH4YMPoE

I went through that stage too, after a traumatic break-up. It will ease, I promise. Might be best not to follow up even if you do think you see him.

Love both versions, didn't realise it was by Sondheim. Feel less crazy now. It's the fact I was doing ok for few weeks and then came out of blue again. Stages of grief I suppose, back and forth with them.

Grateful I didn't follow up now.

I know for me when that heart racing overwhelming feeling came about me it was because I was in areas where the potential to run into my ex was possible. The only think I came to understand while feeling like that was in being very unsure of how I would actually react or what I might actually say if faced with that situation.

I stopped going to places where the potential to run into him was present. I also stopped going to certain places that we both liked going to together. I think those were triggers for me in the beginning after ending things. The more time that passed where I did not run into him the better I felt. And eventually going to those places where the potential to run into him was no longer triggering.