BoxinRotz

Give me one good reason why I should read this! I'm mad right now. I am really freaking mad and hands me this and tells me to read it. I want to know... why should I?!!!! Why the he ll should I?!

PhoenixJ

Box- it is not a good idea for me to do, read, write anything when I am angry. That is the time when I react without thinking. Of course life does not happen that way, but worth thinking about. When I am more in control of my emotions- I can think and then proactively- rather than reactively, do what ever it is I want/need to do. I do not know about the circumstances of the 'give me one good reason', but no one can make you do anything- that is up to you. Perhaps go for a walk and connect with the universe, or exercise or take a break and try and do mindful breathing. I hope you feel more peace in your soul.
Support to you.

FindingAmy

For me, when I would get this triggered by something I had to take a walk. I would leave my phone at home, lock the house up and just walk and breathe and look at everything around me. And i'd walk until i found some peace. Or I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill. Sometimes in tears, sometimes in fury, but I'd walk until i came back to balance.

breathe. close your eyes and breathe. see what YOU need in this moment and take care of you.

BoxinRotz

I can't walk!!! I just got a plate, 7 screws and my 2nd toe cut shorter. I just want to know why I should read this! Why would anyone suggest that I read this?!

SmallButMighty

If you don't want to read it, don't flippin read it.

If there comes a time you want to read it , read it.

I read it when my AXH was attending meetings. It didn't change a damn thing. Him having me read it was his way of having another excuse for his $hit behavior. .."I'm sick, see this book explains why"... rinse repeat his crap behavior with a book to point at.

I think AA is awesome, for the people that work it the way it's meant to be worked! ....but NOT for the people that use it as an excuse, like my ex did. If my AXH had been working the program properly, he wouldn't have tried to make it MY issue.

just my 2cents

Seren

Well, no...

you don't have to read it. Why would you even begin to think you would? He is your soon-to-be-ex....just because he hands you something and asks you to read it, doesn't mean you have to do so.

If it were me, and I were trying to placate someone until a certain date...I would smile sweetly, take the pages offered, then go home and run them through the shredder.

PuzzledHeart

My fantasy reactions (which means please don't do this):

1) When offered the pages, reply "You want me to read this for you? Don't you think you're better off reading it yourself?"

2) Take Seren's suggestion to shred it, then use the shreds to make paper mache pulp. Create a giant middle finger paper mache sculpture. Plonk it on his doorstep.

3) OR take paper shreds and stuff a ****** doll with it. Stab and burn.

wehav2day

That book saved my life. Well the steps inside, guided by my sponsor, saved my life. The book provided the framework but I still needed a lot of help to understand.

I’m an alcoholic, that’s why it saved my life.

That book didn’t do jack squat for my wife. Cuz she’s not an alcoholic. I would never have presumed she should read a book meant for me, to learn about my recovery.

There is a chapter for spouses, and Might be helpful to them. IF they choose to read it. My spouse didn’t, and that’s totally cool.

There’s no chapter for ex-spouses. Or soon to be ex-spouses. Just sayin’

FeelingGreat

He's trying to get you involved with what he's doing.

Nata1980

I have read it - just because back when I was married to XAH - he seemed to have interpreted some of the program in a very liberal self-serving way

I may actually go re-read it, just curious

XAH still blabs about his recovery and tells me stories about people in AA - which I could not stand when we were married since I knew everyone’s business. So much for anonymous. But yeah - for XAH it was way to keep me enmeshed/make excuses for crappy Behaviour

With that said - do as you please, read it, burn it, donate it to Goodwill.....

Wamama48

Just seeing that photo got my heart rate going wild! I can understand why you would be furious!

What is the reason he wants you to read it? To show you how the program works? To get you involved in his recovery? To tick you off? You know him, maybe this is his way of showing you where he's coming from. Or maybe he's trying to use it as an excuse for his past behavior?

Whatever his reasoning is, that's his thing. There is not one reason you should read it. Its not for you, you're not an alcoholic. My RAH let me know there was a chapter in the book for wives, if I was interested in reading it. So I did. I read half of the chapter "To Wives", and dropped (threw) it on the table and walked away..don't condemn your AH, when he angers you, remember he is very ill (pg 108) or the clincher...if he gets the idea that you are a nag, this may lead to lonely evenings for you. He may seek someone else to console him-not always another man (pg 111) There were a few good points in there, but those parts just ticked me off.

My point is, I can understand your anger that he's asked you to read it. Why should you read it? You didn't ask for any of this, you didn't deserve the fallout, and you are not obligated to get involved in any way. His alcoholism is his to fix. You owe him nothing there. Please do strongly resist the urge to throw it at him.

amy55

I think it is pure manipulation on his part. If he wants to prove that he is trying to help himself, then he will show it with actions, and not how you should accept things.

PeacefulWater12

I feel he is trying to bait you into a reaction to hook you in.

My AH does similar.

LLLisa

To me, it looks like a lame arsed attempt to re-engage someone.

I agree with the rest of your post. I feel very similarly.

In the 6 plus years since I got free I've learned not to engage. They'll try ANYTHING if they think it might drag you back.

Leelee168

These are my thoughts. He wants you to feel badly for him so that you will take him back. He’s no longer your problem; let him figure things out for himself.

I learned even more about what my ex abusive A had been up to in the last year of our relationship over the weekend. I feel like it’s never going to end, but this time, after I apologized (which wasn’t necessary) I got really angry. So I think that if my ex would have handed that to me this weekend, I probably would have asked if he had eyes in his rectum because that is where I was putting it for his reading pleasure.

CodeJob

I’ve read it twice. Once in my early twenties and once in my forties. I think if it was suggested to me again, I’d decline. I would never suggest this book to a Codie. The partner chapter is horrifically outdated. Both times I read it I found the tone highly sanctimonious and irritating. I always suggest or give out Codependent No More by Beatty. A Codie is best directed to work on themselves. We’ve typically already wasted a decade, at minimum, trying to save an A by the time AA enters the drama.

I respect the 12 steps as a very effective direction for personal and spiritual growth. Very few people actually manage this work in total I have found. As a codependent, I worked the steps at length and did indeed find them a framework for maturation, understanding and personal growth.

atalose

My best guess, because they themselves are uneducated about alcoholism and addict behaviors and the programs of AA and al-anon. Or because they are attempting to turn the tables on you so to speak with manipulation. Or trying to make you believe you somehow need the AA program yourself. If they are actually participating themselves with the AA program it may be possible that they wanted you to gain an understanding of what they are facing.

Sometimes the reason people do what they do is not as important as how we respond to what they do.

BlownOne

Boxin, you are under NO obligation to read it. He's the one who needs to be reading and doing what it says. If he even remotely understood what is said in the first 164 pages of that book, he would never have even asked you to read it. He's clueless. Leave him to his own devices and you do what you need to do for peace and happiness.

Zukunft

Yep. More manipulative behavior. If you don’t read it you are callous and insensitive. If you do then you ought to understand everything about how difficult it is to stay sober and so you should cut some slack for laziness or bad behavior. Either way you lose respect and dignity. Ignore it and take care to nurture yourself in your own way. I’m trying this now. Not easy but really the only way to be free. I feel your frustration. Hugs.

hopeful4

Is it that different than the other things he has pulled? He is manipulating. Don't read it, but don't let it have the power over you to ruin your day.

Hugs to you.