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Good Morning Quick Question

Old 09-13-2018, 10:35 AM
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Good Morning Quick Question

Hi,

Cleaning through my mom's hoard issue. Came across the calendar version of one day at a time in al-anon. Super excited.

When I was moving back to my mother's last week a neighbor asked me why I was leaving. Being brutally honest I said I had a surprise for my fiance an upgrade from our studio to a 3 bedroom as we had plans to get married and try to have a baby in 2019. I said he chose the bottle over me and really started to scare me so I have been living in a 3 bedroom for 2.5 months alone.

He said you dodged a bullet. I would explain he cried often. One thing that bothered me I told him was that he would cry over nowhere and say you are triggering me I feel like I'm at my child's mother's house I don't feel good. I would explain to the drunk you are not there you are safe with me. Sometimes I got through to him other times not.

Being honest the neighbor said being in recovery addict/alcoholics have no concept of time. In his mind he probably thought he was there or even you were her. He was like things that happened 4 years to active drunks can feel like a day.

I'm keeping busy, saw my therapist, going to the gym. Trying to keep a positive mental attitude. Just wanted to know if anyone agrees with what my neighbor said.

Blessings,
One day at a time,
Shredder
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Old 09-13-2018, 11:56 AM
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I talked to my ex the other day and he said the last few weeks have felt like no time at all ... because he has been miserable and drinking every night. The whole thing feels tragic because meanwhile we're grieving the loss very intensely every hour, every day.... reflecting on how we can learn from it... questioning and dissecting... but to them, time flies...

Not in a happy way as it's all a big blur to them...they are still hurting in their own way, perhaps even more so, hence their need for alcohol to numb out their feelings.

Well done for keeping the gym routine going and continuing with therapist.
One day at a time.
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Old 09-13-2018, 12:10 PM
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You neighbor is 1000% correct, you are one of the lucky ones you did dodge a bullet.

I do not know the answer to your above posted question, maybe someone who has been in recovery for a long time can respond to that question.

I would like to ask you a question shredder, how or why does this apply to you?

So let’s just say the answer is yes, they are unable to keep track of time. And 4 years feels like a day, then what?

I spent many years trying to rationalize someone else’s behaviors, actions,poor choices, character, made excuses for his mental state of mind, and for what? And why? He was perfectly FINE living in his alcohol soaked brain. To this day he still chooses to live that way, and I am thinking it’s been seven years since we were together.

I do understand how difficult it is to go forward when we keep looking back, and looking for a logically explanation of an illogical situation.
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Old 09-13-2018, 12:19 PM
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Marie I'm trying but I'm still struggling

I understand who cares if it's true or not. He's gone let go let God. I'm trying I went to Wednesday service last night it was betrayal the topic helpful.

Maybe I'm still thinking I did something wrong, thinking he is now he is having flashbacks of me. I'm still in a place between denial/acceptance. I know this thinking is not healthy so I post it here and try to go about my day as painful as it is. I know it doesn't really matter sometimes it takes the heart a little longer to catch up to the brain. I do hate rationalizing, ruminating some days he doesn't enter my brain others it makes me feel anger, sadness, and impending doom. Ty for replying.
Blessings,
Shredder
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Old 09-14-2018, 12:08 AM
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Shredder, You did not do anything wrong .period.

Breaking this down to the absolute bare bones, you simply got involved with an unavailable partner. These things happen, currently, you are holding yourself 100% liable for a situation you can only only accept 50% of the damage/responsibility

I truly respect all your efforts in trying to come to terms with this, and I have great empathy for your current struggles.

I just have to say, One day Mr. Right is going to walk into your life, and it will all make sense. Accept where you are at today , as a moment it time. I get that you are not currently feeling are warm and fuzzy in life, but thatís ok, I do not know the why,but for some reason the powers that be have you feeling the pinch/ bite/ sting whatever you choose to label it, so your current job is simply to accept the feeling and work and move forward.

The sooner you are able to write this off as lesson learned, the sooner you can start rebuilding a life based on truth, love, respect.. the ball is in your court... when you are ready.

You are going to be ok. Actually I believe you will be better than ok.

Hugs
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Old 09-14-2018, 11:49 AM
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Schredder. I don't know the answer. I do know however that you should not even try to figure out an addict, your mind just does not work in that way. Put all that focus on YOU, and keeping yourself in a healthy place.

Big hugs.
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Old 09-15-2018, 11:05 AM
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The alcoholic's mind I can't comprehend.

Yet alcoholism wrecked havoc with my life. This I'm understanding better the further I get from dysfunctional, toxic relationships.

One day at a time, I get to choose. I get new opportunities. I get to do things differently than the day before. I heal. The new, healthy neuropathways in my brain become stronger. I find joy more often, in many small wonderful moments.

One foot in front of the other. We get a new future when we start choosing it.

Many blessings!
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