Glenjo99

So been recovering from codependency for couple of months and made the decision few weeks back to stay away from any relationships, dating or casual encounters as I'm just not in a place for any of them, feel bad after and prefer to focus on a better relationship with myself for at least the next year, building up my self love.

Learning about what it is to be codependent, I realise the types of guys I can go for, and why was really an eye opener for me. Going for guys who I can take care of, who maybe are addicts so that I feel good taking care of them. Someone sane and sorted would intimidate me, because I don't feel good enough to be with them. Back to feeling worthy and loving myself enough.

So last weekend, a guy messages me whom I'd met once before and says he would like to meet up. He said although we'd only met once before he misses me and would love to meet up for a session. By a session he means alcohol and I think he dabbles in some drugs. Alarm bells!!

I was amazed. Amazed at the power of the universe having someone like that show up in my life again so early in recovery. What we're the chances. This guy is probably though not necessarily an addict, but whichever, he wants someone to hang out with where he can drink etc. Now, before all this stuff happened with me recently and the last guy I was with, who knows I might have been flattered and said yes let's meet up. The fact that he's messaging me, must mean he really likes me and that external validation it so attractive right?

Wrong......it must be all the new awarenesses, but I could see the future flash before my eyes. Taking care of this younger guy, allowing him to flatter me when he wouldn't be able to meet my needs, allowing him to use in my house when it goes against my boundaries. So I politely told him I liked him too but that I'm not in a place to meet him or any guy or be with anyone who may take drugs now. My last guy put me completely off of meeting anyone who does. It felt good to be assertive and come from a place of knowing I deserve better than that. So much better!

I'm nowhere near ready to be in a relationship now, not untill I believe I am worthy enough, that I love myself enough to know that someone would be lucky to be with me. Long road but maybe I've taken some baby steps already.....

honeypig

Glenjo, KUDOS to you for making the decision to take care of yourself and for having learned NOT to step into the same type of trap you just left.

Good work!

trailmix

You absolutely have, when I read this - well suffice to say I clapped my hands haha

Well done, that takes strength, you are getting stronger for yourself, how great is that.

It's interesting that being aware and making a decision like the one you just did is the same thing that will lead you to " love myself enough to know that someone would be lucky to be with me"

Glenjo99

Thanks early days but baby steps.

pdm22

This made me laugh, I can totally relate to this comment. I’m actually married to someone like this, but in my dating years, I seemed to attract addicts and party types, artists and eccentrics. I seem to have quiet a few friends like this now, too. Never really figured out why that is. My family of origin was a little different, and I did quite a bit of traveling in my childhood- 20s, communist countries and very “real”, non-touristy places.

Currently I live in suburbia in a very clean-cut town, and sometimes it drives me nuts, I just want to cut loose and run streaking through the streets, it’s so wholesome (ha). I work in Social Work, and I’ll take long shifts dealing with craziness any day over the run of the mill boredom around here. My last addict / alcoholic boyfriend that I had prior to getting married was the tipping point for me when it comes to alcohol dependence/ addiction, and if I wasn’t married, I don’t think I could go back to that, but I do still have some friends like this. Sometimes I wonder about myself, maybe I’m just a little wacky and feel comfortable around other different/ eccentric people? Who knows, but I loved your post and your comment .

Glenjo99

Thanks, I can relate to your living in a boring town and wanting to cut loose.

I'm obsessed with the why's of everything so I've been working on why I go for guys that are bit messed up or addicts, I can feel bit better than them. According to melody beattie, we vibrationally attract people that feel familiar to us, so depending on the types of vibrations we got in our family of origin, that can dictate the types of people we go for too.

Part of me does wonder would I be able to be someone who has it together, but if they met my needs and treated me well, I think I'd like that!