Surfbee

Also, I think you're going to be in a great place in a few months from now...! You will probably not even want him back even if he did try to make amends. My mum tells me this about my ex... Hard to imagine but I can also kinda see it! Because at the end of the day I know my worth and I'm getting stronger each day (even if I'm lying in bed all day long sometimes 😂 ) it's all healing time.

I also think that we're wired to want we can't have... So the ego is still very attached to that unattainable person ... But that will soon fade too.

Glenjo99

Thanks Surfbee. I know what your saying about the label codependent and although I'm not in that relationship now, similar to what you said, everywhere I look now, I can see the people I've set up friendships with, family, even my counsellor is codependent lol. Not joking, every single one of my family of origin are hugely codependent. So for me that book by melody beattie has been transformational in that sense. It's allowed me to look at all the people in my life that I've felt overly responsible for all my life, never having my needs met, and to look at stopping that now.

I wanted to write him a letter in the early weeks of our detachment but at the moment I'm going to wait a while longer, I think I'll know when the time is right. Although this is so hard at the moment, I feel at the same time I need to give him his time to get strong in his sobriety, if I'm struggling to recover from it, how hard is his, with alcohol and drug recovery on top. Life and death for him.

I think if he doesn't come back to me in the future, I may write that letter when I feel ready to from a place of detachment and love. Who knows if I am in a great place in a few months I may not even want to as you say. Strange, I have this Hollywood romantic image in my head of some day being in a restaurant or store in a foreign city, and I see him, he looks the same but now has a wife and children, or has dealth with his sexuality and has a partner. Either way our eyes meet and it breaks my heart to think of that. That it should have been me (as Yvonne fair sang about lol).

For now it's in the hands of the universe