Mango212

I ended up blocking her from his phone.




Way to go, mamabear!!

Mango212

It really is going to be okay. Time, emotional healing, God's timing and healing, all this starts to snowball into really good things happening. (((hugs)))

funal1

You have to know that while a parent may be an alcoholic, they are still a parent. If it doesn't threaten your child's safety, I suggest you allow you child to text with his Dad He needs his father in his life even if it is not in person. Even if the alcoholic parent is flawed, it is better to have contact than not to have contact. My son is grown and his alcoholic father is still an alcoholic. My son knows and loves his dad for the good parts he still has. He is also aware and able to distinguish the alcoholic dad who he will not talk to until he has sobered up, The relationship is not perfect, but my son does not doubt that his dad truly loves him even if he is not always capable of demonstrating that due to his disease. Protect your child but try not to eliminate a vital connection. Good luck.

mamabear26

Im not sure if you read the thread correctly. Perphaps you didnt but I allow my child to text his father. My son chooses on his own not to respond. I don't invade unless there are safety concerns or signs of emotional abuse.

mamabear26

Yes, everyday it gets a little better : )

qtpi

Has your son been to alateen? It is possible your x is always drunk. Children do need both parents. A text saying I miss you and I love you sounds okay even if the x is drunk...but how can you tell? If your son says he misses his father too.... I would encourage your children to have respect and courtesy. Imagine if it was you... Heartbroken over your children having nothing to do with you...and laboring under the delusion that you have done nothing wrong by having " a drink or two." But also consider that your children benefit from the love of two parents...even if one is more flawed than the other.

mamabear26

I would appreciate that you be very careful when you are talking to anyone about their children. My son has been raised to have respect and courtesy.

dandylion

It can be soo difficult....like walking an invisible tightrope....protecting the child while not interfering with a relationship.....To my way of thinking--every situation is scenario dependent---requiring judgement which incorporates many, many variables....subjective variables + objective variables----eGads! It is hard!!

Been there--done that, myself......

mamabear26

You are right. There are so many variables in a situtation. We as parents do the best we can with what we are given in the situation.

Mango212

The Serenity Prayer is my son's go-to prayer, when praying with other people. Other than that it's more an ongoing conversation, talking to God during the day and saying, "thank you!" often.

Clarity keeps coming, one day at a time. Today something really great happened for kid and right afterwards he was injured. Serious, yet no huge thing. It led to him getting to make the decision to get an ice pack with a towel wrapped around it. He didn't want to at first and I left him with the suggestion and walked away. This somehow led to us sitting in the living room on really comfy furniture just talking, listening to each other, about the most random things, from a Netflix series he's been watching to assessing injuries and ways to treat them (especially the God aspect of how this has worked in my life) to learning about fire ice and the discoveries in the earth and far reaches of outer space.

The ice pack worked great. Stepping back, I really am thankful how this small injury gave us the opportunity to communicate in healthy ways about healing, along with fun topics of other things. I don't like my child being hurt. I trust that from these hurts (physically and emotionally) there are opportunities for pausing, healing and growth.

It seems so big inside me, another shift today. Another transformation of healing. Laundry is going in the washer and dryer. I have a frothy cup of coffee. The day goes on, just like before, and yet I have more clarity about the direction I'm taking.

Mango212

Hi mamabear,

Posting up some support! Things keep working out, so trust this weekend will be the same.

Whatever else, keep trusting your gut!

Michsm

I can tell you my AXH has two children, he had them every other weekend and when they were not over, he never texted them and never asked how they were or what was going on. When he did want something from them and they didn’t respond, he would call his x wife and be very nasty to her and blamed her for them not texting him back. He only tried to be a Dad to them when they came over but that was when he was drinking and that turned into them not wanting to be around him and being in their rooms when they came over. He never went to their school, met their teachers, nothing...when I first met him, he did go to their events but that last for about 2 years then he just stopped. He really thought he was the greatest Dad in the world. I tried telling him he needed to be involved but he claimed the x wife never provided him any information. AXH was not even on the list to pick up his children from school if something did happen..he didn’t care. His one daughter ended up in the hospital one evening and guess what, he was too wasted to go to the hospital. He claims didnt get the message until the next morning. Pretty sad and when they were mid teens, stopped coming over. I saw many many red flags, not sure why I thought any of that was ok and this was someone to be with. I don’t think he has much of a relationship with either of them.

Sounds like you are doing a great job.

mamabear26

Wow, this sounds my STBAXH! Thank you for the support : )