Don’t know what to do
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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Don’t know what to do
I was currently In a relationship with a guy who was funny caring loving and someone I believed was my soul mate.
He use to drink Stella most night weekends he would drink a lot more, but it never bothered me at the time as he was always funny loving and caring and he use to work hard.
Most men and women like to have a drink after work don’t they ??
Anyway after 2 years I noticed more of a patten the down days were I would have to console him. Just a bad hangover right ??
I noticed it was like he has 2 personalities the days he didn’t drink quiet and reserved the days he did on a high funny and full off life.
I remember evening picking him up a bottle of wine once because I couldn’t deal with him in this down mood, just being a good other half maybe ?
After 2 years we called it a day no nastyness nothing , yes it hurt at the time but we kept arguing over silly things
And the moods were tiering me out physical and emotionally.
Once we separated I stayed on my own as I just wanted time to find me again.
3 years on and my ex has made contacted which is fine I thought it would be nice to catch up with him.
His been round a few times and there are some things that I’ve noticed the one thing I have done some research on is that I believe his an alcoholic and looking back at our relationship years ago the red flags have flagged big time.
He now drinks red wine 2 bottles at a time they have to be cold aswell (yuck) he has bursts of anger they come out of no where this is something I’ve never ever seen could be over a simple post on fb he goes into a rage about it and doesn’t **** up about it.
As we are just friends and meet up once or twice a week for me this is now enough his not the same guy I was with 3 years ago the burst of anger the consumption in my eyes is more.
I get phone calls when his at home and his drunk he has also drove a few times after drinking im worried about him can do anything is my question I have tried talking to him about his drinking and his admitted it’s a problem and he said I will go and see someone to then a few days later be drunk again with no appointment in site.
Why ifoes he have these outbursts of anger of the slitest things it’s never anything about me always about his other ex girlfriends his sons mother his mum.
He said on the only one that gets him and understand him, but do I ????
It’s horrible seeing someone Yoi once loved slowely destroy themselves.
His able to work bit I’m sure his over the limit when he goes to work.
Can I help in anyway or is this a case of you can’t help someone that can’t be helped advice would be Appreciated.
Oh and when he come to mine and drinks he stays in the spare room I would t let him drive but I hear him having nightmares so sad
He use to drink Stella most night weekends he would drink a lot more, but it never bothered me at the time as he was always funny loving and caring and he use to work hard.
Most men and women like to have a drink after work don’t they ??
Anyway after 2 years I noticed more of a patten the down days were I would have to console him. Just a bad hangover right ??
I noticed it was like he has 2 personalities the days he didn’t drink quiet and reserved the days he did on a high funny and full off life.
I remember evening picking him up a bottle of wine once because I couldn’t deal with him in this down mood, just being a good other half maybe ?
After 2 years we called it a day no nastyness nothing , yes it hurt at the time but we kept arguing over silly things
And the moods were tiering me out physical and emotionally.
Once we separated I stayed on my own as I just wanted time to find me again.
3 years on and my ex has made contacted which is fine I thought it would be nice to catch up with him.
His been round a few times and there are some things that I’ve noticed the one thing I have done some research on is that I believe his an alcoholic and looking back at our relationship years ago the red flags have flagged big time.
He now drinks red wine 2 bottles at a time they have to be cold aswell (yuck) he has bursts of anger they come out of no where this is something I’ve never ever seen could be over a simple post on fb he goes into a rage about it and doesn’t **** up about it.
As we are just friends and meet up once or twice a week for me this is now enough his not the same guy I was with 3 years ago the burst of anger the consumption in my eyes is more.
I get phone calls when his at home and his drunk he has also drove a few times after drinking im worried about him can do anything is my question I have tried talking to him about his drinking and his admitted it’s a problem and he said I will go and see someone to then a few days later be drunk again with no appointment in site.
Why ifoes he have these outbursts of anger of the slitest things it’s never anything about me always about his other ex girlfriends his sons mother his mum.
He said on the only one that gets him and understand him, but do I ????
It’s horrible seeing someone Yoi once loved slowely destroy themselves.
His able to work bit I’m sure his over the limit when he goes to work.
Can I help in anyway or is this a case of you can’t help someone that can’t be helped advice would be Appreciated.
Oh and when he come to mine and drinks he stays in the spare room I would t let him drive but I hear him having nightmares so sad
Last edited by BlueSkies27; 09-05-2018 at 07:18 AM. Reason: Spelling
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It’s horrible seeing someone you once loved slowely destroy themselves.
Yes, it is.
Welcome, BlueSkies,
I had to have space and time alone to process things, take care of myself and start thinking clearly.
This family disease of alcoholism effects everyone in the vicinity. The best thing I've been able to do to help my husband is to get out of his way. This said after many years of trying to get him help in other ways. Two alcohol rehabs, therapy, counseling, etc. When he's in his addiction, whether drunk or dry, me being around simply adds to the chaos, even when I say nothing.
It's not healthy for me to be around him when he's in his addiction.
https://www.al-anon.org/ is a wonderful resource.
(((hugs)))
Yes, it is.
Welcome, BlueSkies,
I had to have space and time alone to process things, take care of myself and start thinking clearly.
This family disease of alcoholism effects everyone in the vicinity. The best thing I've been able to do to help my husband is to get out of his way. This said after many years of trying to get him help in other ways. Two alcohol rehabs, therapy, counseling, etc. When he's in his addiction, whether drunk or dry, me being around simply adds to the chaos, even when I say nothing.
It's not healthy for me to be around him when he's in his addiction.
https://www.al-anon.org/ is a wonderful resource.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,615
Hi Blueskies, welcome to SR!
Well, you do understand him don't you? He basically wants to be left to drink, doesn't want to be questioned on it. He also has your sympathy.
The consumption is probably more, alcoholism is progressive. Like any drug, the person requires more and more to get the same affect.
What are you getting out of this friendship?
Be careful. This could easily become a "relationship" and is that what you want? Please remember the 3 c's - you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
Well, you do understand him don't you? He basically wants to be left to drink, doesn't want to be questioned on it. He also has your sympathy.
The consumption is probably more, alcoholism is progressive. Like any drug, the person requires more and more to get the same affect.
What are you getting out of this friendship?
Be careful. This could easily become a "relationship" and is that what you want? Please remember the 3 c's - you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Hi we are just friends. I’ll always love him wheb it was good it was good, when it was bad it was bad.
I believe you can love someone and not be able to be with them we are too different.
he knows I use !!! to get him not so much now though.
I know his always struggled and probably just chose to ignore it but in the end we separated, we are on different paths now and I think his going to have to stop coming round as I do feel like I’m going down that emotional rocky road again if I’m honest.
His alQUOTE=trailmix;7003928]Hi Blueskies, welcome to SR!
Well, you do understand him don't you? He basically wants to be left to drink, doesn't want to be questioned on it. He also has your sympathy.
The consumption is probably more, alcoholism is progressive. Like any drug, the person requires more and more to get the same affect.
What are you getting out of this friendship?
Be careful. This could easily become a "relationship" and is that what you want? Please remember the 3 c's - you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.[/QUOTE]
I believe you can love someone and not be able to be with them we are too different.
he knows I use !!! to get him not so much now though.
I know his always struggled and probably just chose to ignore it but in the end we separated, we are on different paths now and I think his going to have to stop coming round as I do feel like I’m going down that emotional rocky road again if I’m honest.
His alQUOTE=trailmix;7003928]Hi Blueskies, welcome to SR!
Well, you do understand him don't you? He basically wants to be left to drink, doesn't want to be questioned on it. He also has your sympathy.
The consumption is probably more, alcoholism is progressive. Like any drug, the person requires more and more to get the same affect.
What are you getting out of this friendship?
Be careful. This could easily become a "relationship" and is that what you want? Please remember the 3 c's - you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.[/QUOTE]
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,637
stay safe..you may think you are only friends....
alcohol progressively can changes a person, and (as my own experience shows me) anger can be projected- focused on one person..just because they happen to be there. The actions of an alcoholic do not follow logical- or predictable emotional patterns....
support to you
alcohol progressively can changes a person, and (as my own experience shows me) anger can be projected- focused on one person..just because they happen to be there. The actions of an alcoholic do not follow logical- or predictable emotional patterns....
support to you
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Welcome, BlueSkies.
I second Phoenix’s thoughts about being careful .
It sounds like his alcohol addiction has progressed since your break up, and, unless he embraces sobriety, it will only get worse.
I see red flags all over the place in your posts: his anger, that he drinks and drives, that you let him stay over when he’s had too much.
Is there something you think will happen here?
That your friendship might help in some way?
Because it likely won’t .
Good luck and good thoughts.
I second Phoenix’s thoughts about being careful .
It sounds like his alcohol addiction has progressed since your break up, and, unless he embraces sobriety, it will only get worse.
I see red flags all over the place in your posts: his anger, that he drinks and drives, that you let him stay over when he’s had too much.
Is there something you think will happen here?
That your friendship might help in some way?
Because it likely won’t .
Good luck and good thoughts.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Hi I only let him stay over twice because I knew he had too much too drink and allowing him to even think of driving I would have that on my concious.
I agree the drinking has progressed and reading topics on here i can now understand that I can’t help him it’s just a progressive illness he has.
The anger was something I’ve never witnessed with him and it was so trivial the matter but everyone was a C**** and I don’t want that type of behaviour of language around me I’ve even witnessed him swear at his 9 year old son which there is no need for at all .
I’ve decided over the last few days I should distant myself from him his already said that his fed up with people trying to change him and joe it’s his time to do what he wants ( I think his always done what he wants hense his had so many failed relationships)
Sometimes you just have to look after yourself and you can’t hwlp other that are on a road to self destruction and I believe he is.
I thought it would have been nice to catch up but it’s turned into a bit of a nightmare now as he just turns up drinks loads doesn’t remember anything in the morning at all so I think now I’ve had a lucky escape from this relationship QUOTE=Maudcat;7004506]Welcome, BlueSkies.
I second Phoenix’s thoughts about being careful .
It sounds like his alcohol addiction has progressed since your break up, and, unless he embraces sobriety, it will only get worse.
I see red flags all over the place in your posts: his anger, that he drinks and drives, that you let him stay over when he’s had too much.
Is there something you think will happen here?
That your friendship might help in some way?
Because it likely won’t .
Good luck and good thoughts.[/QUOTE]
I agree the drinking has progressed and reading topics on here i can now understand that I can’t help him it’s just a progressive illness he has.
The anger was something I’ve never witnessed with him and it was so trivial the matter but everyone was a C**** and I don’t want that type of behaviour of language around me I’ve even witnessed him swear at his 9 year old son which there is no need for at all .
I’ve decided over the last few days I should distant myself from him his already said that his fed up with people trying to change him and joe it’s his time to do what he wants ( I think his always done what he wants hense his had so many failed relationships)
Sometimes you just have to look after yourself and you can’t hwlp other that are on a road to self destruction and I believe he is.
I thought it would have been nice to catch up but it’s turned into a bit of a nightmare now as he just turns up drinks loads doesn’t remember anything in the morning at all so I think now I’ve had a lucky escape from this relationship QUOTE=Maudcat;7004506]Welcome, BlueSkies.
I second Phoenix’s thoughts about being careful .
It sounds like his alcohol addiction has progressed since your break up, and, unless he embraces sobriety, it will only get worse.
I see red flags all over the place in your posts: his anger, that he drinks and drives, that you let him stay over when he’s had too much.
Is there something you think will happen here?
That your friendship might help in some way?
Because it likely won’t .
Good luck and good thoughts.[/QUOTE]
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
He's already started to prime you to be his enabler. For example, you are the only one who understands me! You let him stay, whether it's only a night or 2, because you feel bad n don't want him driving. He's got you caring about him wrecking. Everyone wants to change me except you but you haven't really made it hit home yet that you want him to change.
You need to get this guy out of your life and the faster you get him out, the better off you will be. His alcoholism is progressive and he sees no issue with it because of his continual usage. You've seen he's progressed from the content of your post. He's worse than before and on top of it, he's black out drunk n doesn't remember the night before.
D ont waste another second on this man. And if you think for a second he cares for you, I can assure you he will never be there for you if you ever need him. I promise you he won't! He's incapable.
You need to get this guy out of your life and the faster you get him out, the better off you will be. His alcoholism is progressive and he sees no issue with it because of his continual usage. You've seen he's progressed from the content of your post. He's worse than before and on top of it, he's black out drunk n doesn't remember the night before.
D ont waste another second on this man. And if you think for a second he cares for you, I can assure you he will never be there for you if you ever need him. I promise you he won't! He's incapable.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
Alcohol emboldens people. Some become gregarious, obnoxiously laughing, etc. Others become mean and nasty - my husband is this way. It's like all of life's irritants come to the surface in an amplified way. The next day he is always remorseful (and most times he doesn't even remember saying those mean things). You have become his sounding board. Perhaps other people in his life that have seen the progression of his alcoholism are tired of his drunk phone calls and nonsense. "You're the only one that gets him" may actually be that you're the only one that puts up with him.
I think it's great that you have talked to him about his problem and it is promising that he acknowledges it and knows he needs to do something about it. HOWEVER - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My husband has been carried out of a football stadium on a stretcher, fallen out of his booth at a fancy restaurant and the EMTS had to come, fallen face-first into our fish pond and would have drowned in about 3 inches of water had I not been there and fished him out, and most recently had a seizure and had to be admitted to the ER. Every single time I thought that would be his rock bottom. I just posted that my husband has finally entered rehab, and time will only tell if it sticks. You can not save this man's life. Do not allow yourself to be drug down the rabbit hole of his neediness. Do not let your life and happiness be stunted for an ex. He's at the end of his rope - you are climbing a ladder. ((hugs))
I think it's great that you have talked to him about his problem and it is promising that he acknowledges it and knows he needs to do something about it. HOWEVER - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My husband has been carried out of a football stadium on a stretcher, fallen out of his booth at a fancy restaurant and the EMTS had to come, fallen face-first into our fish pond and would have drowned in about 3 inches of water had I not been there and fished him out, and most recently had a seizure and had to be admitted to the ER. Every single time I thought that would be his rock bottom. I just posted that my husband has finally entered rehab, and time will only tell if it sticks. You can not save this man's life. Do not allow yourself to be drug down the rabbit hole of his neediness. Do not let your life and happiness be stunted for an ex. He's at the end of his rope - you are climbing a ladder. ((hugs))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Thank you for pointing this out and your so right !! I feel so stupid he always phones me when his down always phones me when there has been a problem.
Always comes round to mine and sits and yes I make him feel better about everything !!!
I did say to him laughing the other day sometimes I feel like your comfort blanket omg i wasn’t far wrong was I can I ask something so if your saying he doesn’t care about me does that mean that his never loved me even when we was together before and he drank are they truly incaple of loving anyone
Always comes round to mine and sits and yes I make him feel better about everything !!!
I did say to him laughing the other day sometimes I feel like your comfort blanket omg i wasn’t far wrong was I can I ask something so if your saying he doesn’t care about me does that mean that his never loved me even when we was together before and he drank are they truly incaple of loving anyone
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12 
I agree, it looks like he is grooming you to be his enabler.
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Posts: 24
Thank you for your words yes he has also falling over so may times which never happened when we was together this is how I know it’s a lot worse !! We have spoken about it but he won’t do anything 2 days later he was drunk again and has been since his only 35 god knows what he will be like when he reaches 50 if he does !!
Your all so right I can’t be sucked into this life it’s not my life it’s his and I need to move away from him
Your all so right I can’t be sucked into this life it’s not my life it’s his and I need to move away from him
Originally Posted by LovePeaceSushi
Alcohol emboldens people. Some become gregarious, obnoxiously laughing, etc. Others become mean and nasty - my husband is this way. It's like all of life's irritants come to the surface in an amplified way. The next day he is always remorseful (and most times he doesn't even remember saying those mean things). You have become his sounding board. Perhaps other people in his life that have seen the progression of his alcoholism are tired of his drunk phone calls and nonsense. "You're the only one that gets him" may actually be that you're the only one that puts up with him.
I think it's great that you have talked to him about his problem and it is promising that he acknowledges it and knows he needs to do something about it. HOWEVER - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My husband has been carried out of a football stadium on a stretcher, fallen out of his booth at a fancy restaurant and the EMTS had to come, fallen face-first into our fish pond and would have drowned in about 3 inches of water had I not been there and fished him out, and most recently had a seizure and had to be admitted to the ER. Every single time I thought that would be his rock bottom. I just posted that my husband has finally entered rehab, and time will only tell if it sticks. You can not save this man's life. Do not allow yourself to be drug down the rabbit hole of his neediness. Do not let your life and happiness be stunted for an ex. He's at the end of his rope - you are climbing a ladder. ((hugs))
I think it's great that you have talked to him about his problem and it is promising that he acknowledges it and knows he needs to do something about it. HOWEVER - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My husband has been carried out of a football stadium on a stretcher, fallen out of his booth at a fancy restaurant and the EMTS had to come, fallen face-first into our fish pond and would have drowned in about 3 inches of water had I not been there and fished him out, and most recently had a seizure and had to be admitted to the ER. Every single time I thought that would be his rock bottom. I just posted that my husband has finally entered rehab, and time will only tell if it sticks. You can not save this man's life. Do not allow yourself to be drug down the rabbit hole of his neediness. Do not let your life and happiness be stunted for an ex. He's at the end of his rope - you are climbing a ladder. ((hugs))
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think it’s great you are learning about alcoholism and alcoholic behaviors. Having knowledge helps when emotions run amuck and all you want to do is be nice, be kind and caring and try and help them. Addicts are drawn to people with all those qualities because they know they can manipulate them, talk them into things they normally would not allow. Example, knowing he has a drinking problem you allowed him to drink and get drunk in your home then gave him a comfy bed to sleep in. This would be considered enabling and would make the alcoholic very happy wanting to come back again and again.
Setting strong boundaries for yourself with him and sticking to them is how you will once again come away from this toxic relationship. If you can’t find it in you to stop all contact with him then a boundary might be, he’s not allowed to drink in your home or arrive intoxicated.
And when he said that, did it make you feel compelled to talk to him? Did it make you feel like maybe you held some importance in his life where you might be able to help because you are his only?
Setting strong boundaries for yourself with him and sticking to them is how you will once again come away from this toxic relationship. If you can’t find it in you to stop all contact with him then a boundary might be, he’s not allowed to drink in your home or arrive intoxicated.
He said on the only one that gets him and understand him, but do I ????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Hi he came round and I had a few glasses of wine and don’t forget I hadn’t seen him for a few years so it was relaxed and we drank and chatted and then 3 bottle of red later he was drunk we’re as I had only had a few glasses of Rosa so that why the first time I let him stay.
Yes I agree with the second time he shouldn’t have stairs and I should have said no your not staying drive home and do t drink simple, but you always think of that after .
Erm I loved this man and I’m older then him by 6 years so let’s say I’m more worldly wise than he is and my head is screwed on and I had some bad times in my life and come out a better person so when someone and it could be anyone ask for a chat or advice I’ll be there it’s my nature I can’t help that.
So when he said that I understand him. I do now more than ever his lost and been hurt and he needs help to fight his demands but he has to do that no matter what I say he won’t unless he wants to face his problem.
I realise this all now after reading things on this site and listening I won’t be his enabler and I don’t have rose tinted glasses on with this now QUOTE=atalose;7004625]I think it’s great you are learning about alcoholism and alcoholic behaviors. Having knowledge helps when emotions run amuck and all you want to do is be nice, be kind and caring and try and help them. Addicts are drawn to people with all those qualities because they know they can manipulate them, talk them into things they normally would not allow. Example, knowing he has a drinking problem you allowed him to drink and get drunk in your home then gave him a comfy bed to sleep in. This would be considered enabling and would make the alcoholic very happy wanting to come back again and again.
Setting strong boundaries for yourself with him and sticking to them is how you will once again come away from this toxic relationship. If you can’t find it in you to stop all contact with him then a boundary might be, he’s not allowed to drink in your home or arrive intoxicated.
And when he said that, did it make you feel compelled to talk to him? Did it make you feel like maybe you held some importance in his life where you might be able to help because you are his only?[/QUOTE]
Yes I agree with the second time he shouldn’t have stairs and I should have said no your not staying drive home and do t drink simple, but you always think of that after .
Erm I loved this man and I’m older then him by 6 years so let’s say I’m more worldly wise than he is and my head is screwed on and I had some bad times in my life and come out a better person so when someone and it could be anyone ask for a chat or advice I’ll be there it’s my nature I can’t help that.
So when he said that I understand him. I do now more than ever his lost and been hurt and he needs help to fight his demands but he has to do that no matter what I say he won’t unless he wants to face his problem.
I realise this all now after reading things on this site and listening I won’t be his enabler and I don’t have rose tinted glasses on with this now QUOTE=atalose;7004625]I think it’s great you are learning about alcoholism and alcoholic behaviors. Having knowledge helps when emotions run amuck and all you want to do is be nice, be kind and caring and try and help them. Addicts are drawn to people with all those qualities because they know they can manipulate them, talk them into things they normally would not allow. Example, knowing he has a drinking problem you allowed him to drink and get drunk in your home then gave him a comfy bed to sleep in. This would be considered enabling and would make the alcoholic very happy wanting to come back again and again.
Setting strong boundaries for yourself with him and sticking to them is how you will once again come away from this toxic relationship. If you can’t find it in you to stop all contact with him then a boundary might be, he’s not allowed to drink in your home or arrive intoxicated.
And when he said that, did it make you feel compelled to talk to him? Did it make you feel like maybe you held some importance in his life where you might be able to help because you are his only?[/QUOTE]
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,615
I think the difference between someone asking for advice and help and you being a kind, concerned friend and this is that he hasn't asked for your help has he? All you have helped him with is drinking and having a place to stay so he won't get a DUI or run in to some unsuspecting driver or pedestrian.
You get zero from this except perhaps a good feeling that you are helping someone out? I'm going to say you aren't actually helping him at all. This is NOT your fault, this is not your doing this has nothing to do with you per-se.
Just know that you are reacting in a normal manner - person in trouble, I'll try to help you - in an abnormal situation - person in trouble just looking for a soft place to fall.
This will probably go on endlessly unless you put a stop to it.
You get zero from this except perhaps a good feeling that you are helping someone out? I'm going to say you aren't actually helping him at all. This is NOT your fault, this is not your doing this has nothing to do with you per-se.
Just know that you are reacting in a normal manner - person in trouble, I'll try to help you - in an abnormal situation - person in trouble just looking for a soft place to fall.
This will probably go on endlessly unless you put a stop to it.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,615
Originally Posted by BlueSkies27
so if your saying he doesn’t care about me does that mean that his never loved me even when we was together before and he drank are they truly incaple of loving anyone
I don't know what your relationship was like before but I'm going to guess that the alcohol came first, him second and you third? That might be "love" to him, now obviously it wasn't to you because you are not in that relationship anymore.
Also I would say that the fact that you are 6 years older than him doesn't explain the difference in world view, it's probably the fact that you deal with your feelings and your life and he drinks to them.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Ah I see sorry new to all this and still learning l, before he was very loving and careing flowed gifts holidays evening chilling out with no drink for a while it was so good even his family said I’d found the true person inside and made him a better person as he was always a wild child and never stuck on one relationship once he started his own but the drinking got more and his mates all became single so they were always on about him going out which was fine at first but it got more and more and the drink got more and more then when we split up his sister told me he’d got worse and was heart broken over us breaking up and he went on a mad one partying I just broke contact as I was hurting too.
I’m not to blame for the drink increase I know this
His had two really bad relationships after me one that was abusive to him I know this because I’ve always been friends with his sister no excuse for drinking but he needs help but only he can get that help and want it
I’m not to blame for the drink increase I know this
His had two really bad relationships after me one that was abusive to him I know this because I’ve always been friends with his sister no excuse for drinking but he needs help but only he can get that help and want it
Originally Posted by trailmix
Not incapable I wouldn't say although his version of "love" may be different than how you think of it in a romantic sense.
I don't know what your relationship was like before but I'm going to guess that the alcohol came first, him second and you third? That might be "love" to him, now obviously it wasn't to you because you are not in that relationship anymore.
Also I would say that the fact that you are 6 years older than him doesn't explain the difference in world view, it's probably the fact that you deal with your feelings and your life and he drinks to them.
I don't know what your relationship was like before but I'm going to guess that the alcohol came first, him second and you third? That might be "love" to him, now obviously it wasn't to you because you are not in that relationship anymore.
Also I would say that the fact that you are 6 years older than him doesn't explain the difference in world view, it's probably the fact that you deal with your feelings and your life and he drinks to them.
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Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
He loves his bottle. He hates himself but you... you are that nice soft feathery pillow he needs to continue to drink the way he does. Because drinking brings consequences and you're going to carry every single consequence he brings you because hey... your a nice person just trying to help a guy out because you care.
You are a co dependant... just like me.
You are a co dependant... just like me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
I understand now the love for the bottle more so now than ever if I break away the comfort blanket is gone then he will have to find someone else to be his co dependant as I am not with this guy the guy I once knew has gone as much as o can see in his eyes the guy I knew is somewhere in there I can’t bring him back drink has taken over and that’s now something I am going to take on board and move forward with my life and not look back
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
He loves his bottle. He hates himself but you... you are that nice soft feathery pillow he needs to continue to drink the way he does. Because drinking brings consequences and you're going to carry every single consequence he brings you because hey... your a nice person just trying to help a guy out because you care.
You are a co dependant... just like me.
You are a co dependant... just like me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Maybe the guy you once knew, the funny caring loving person was the facade he put on in order to find a girlfriend. Maybe he could no longer keep up that facade and the person he actually is emerged full time. It sounds to me like the alcohol was there long before you came along and I’m sure will remain long after you are gone.
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