Codependency and socialising.
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Codependency and socialising.
I think I already know the answer to this, however my reason for posting is to hear from people who have already recovered and their experiences in managing the following:
I'm due to head out tomorrow night for a meal (birthday is next week), and will be with friends who drink. I drink occasionally, but with my new awarenesses around codependency, I'm already feeling anxious about socialising and pressure to drink. I suppose what I'm asking is, does having drinks impede codependency recovery? I'm already thinking that it might make me a bit more depressed, or lower my motivation to keep up good habits etc. So I may just go and have soft drinks, but be interested to know your experiences on this.
I'm due to head out tomorrow night for a meal (birthday is next week), and will be with friends who drink. I drink occasionally, but with my new awarenesses around codependency, I'm already feeling anxious about socialising and pressure to drink. I suppose what I'm asking is, does having drinks impede codependency recovery? I'm already thinking that it might make me a bit more depressed, or lower my motivation to keep up good habits etc. So I may just go and have soft drinks, but be interested to know your experiences on this.
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My experiences with a couple of alcohol dependent / substance abusing boyfriends when I was in my 20s turned me off to alcohol permanently. I personally don’t drink at all, and when I’m with people who do, I just order whatever I want and don’t offer any explanations whatsoever.
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Originally Posted by pdm22 
My experiences with a couple of alcohol dependent / substance abusing boyfriends when I was in my 20s turned me off to alcohol permanently. I personally don’t drink at all, and when I’m with people who do, I just order whatever I want and don’t offer any explanations whatsoever.
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
I feel like that too, this whole experience has turned me off it. Was reading a chapter in codependent no more again tonight on being victim. Part of it says we need to trust others to handle their feelings, not feeling responsible for them. In other words, I'll say I'm not drinking at the meal, they can handle it! My responsibility to my self care.
Yup! Total turn off :/
I don’t even go as far as to tell people I’m not drinking, I just order what I want and don’t draw attention to it. That’s just me, though, especially if I’m with a group of people who I don’t know that well, I don’t like opening myself up to personal questions. And if someone offers me something and I don’t want it, I just go with the “no thank you”.
Good luck!
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I have a very low alcohol tolerance, but most of my friends drink. Some drink like fishes.
I really don't care about how much they drink as long as it doesn't affect me (although one friend started showing signs of alcoholism - it was dicey for a while but at the moment I think he's OK. He asked me if I thought he was drinking too much and I said if he was asking the question he already knew the answer.), and they really don't care how much _I_ drink either. I've never been pressured to drink more because they know I'd be really pissed off if they tried.
I don't avoid events where alcohol is served or even featured, but I do avoid events where getting drunk is the primary source of entertainment. I get my jollies in other ways.
I really don't care about how much they drink as long as it doesn't affect me (although one friend started showing signs of alcoholism - it was dicey for a while but at the moment I think he's OK. He asked me if I thought he was drinking too much and I said if he was asking the question he already knew the answer.), and they really don't care how much _I_ drink either. I've never been pressured to drink more because they know I'd be really pissed off if they tried.
I don't avoid events where alcohol is served or even featured, but I do avoid events where getting drunk is the primary source of entertainment. I get my jollies in other ways.
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Glen Jo,
I think it’s important to go out with friends and have a good time! It is your birthday!? You deserve a lighthearted time and laughter!
If you aren’t an alcoholic, having a drink at a dinner is not going to impede your work on codependency. But if you feel anxious about it, do what makes you feel comfortable.
My friends know I might have one glass of wine or a margarita, but i might also be whining about a long run weekend so then I don’t drink. No one ever makes me feel obligated to drink.
I think it’s important to go out with friends and have a good time! It is your birthday!? You deserve a lighthearted time and laughter!
If you aren’t an alcoholic, having a drink at a dinner is not going to impede your work on codependency. But if you feel anxious about it, do what makes you feel comfortable.
My friends know I might have one glass of wine or a margarita, but i might also be whining about a long run weekend so then I don’t drink. No one ever makes me feel obligated to drink.
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
I don't avoid events where alcohol is served or even featured, but I do avoid events where getting drunk is the primary source of entertainment. I get my jollies in other ways.
I go to events to meet and enjoy the company of others. Just drinking myself to oblivion? I could do that in the safety of my own home.
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Yes, I'm going to go and enjoy the meal and social aspects without alcohol. That way tomorrow I can get up fresh and go for run.
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Glenjo, you do whatever you feel you want to, but you won't be a hypocryte if you do drink. It's only an issue with people who are trying to deal with an alcohol problem. Moderate responsible drinking can be fun and a social enhancer if you're an introvert.
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Everyone has different tolerance with this issue. Mine is higher than most & I socialize regularly with friends drinking & in clubs. It just doesn't trigger me & going to see live music has always been one of my favorite social activities so it would take a lot for me to give it up. I can also tolerate drinking in others because I can walk away from them. I have no responsibility.
That said - I have found that I can literally never drink if I'm feeling even a little emotionally upset about something real to me. (like relationships problems, not had-a-bad-day-at-work stuff) If I do drink when I'm feeling upset, I dive far too deeply into whatever negative feelings I'm having. I could NEVER bury my feelings through drinking, it just doesn't work for me.
That said - I have found that I can literally never drink if I'm feeling even a little emotionally upset about something real to me. (like relationships problems, not had-a-bad-day-at-work stuff) If I do drink when I'm feeling upset, I dive far too deeply into whatever negative feelings I'm having. I could NEVER bury my feelings through drinking, it just doesn't work for me.
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
Everyone has different tolerance with this issue. Mine is higher than most & I socialize regularly with friends drinking & in clubs. It just doesn't trigger me & going to see live music has always been one of my favorite social activities so it would take a lot for me to give it up. I can also tolerate drinking in others because I can walk away from them. I have no responsibility.
That said - I have found that I can literally never drink if I'm feeling even a little emotionally upset about something real to me. (like relationships problems, not had-a-bad-day-at-work stuff) If I do drink when I'm feeling upset, I dive far too deeply into whatever negative feelings I'm having. I could NEVER bury my feelings through drinking, it just doesn't work for me.
That said - I have found that I can literally never drink if I'm feeling even a little emotionally upset about something real to me. (like relationships problems, not had-a-bad-day-at-work stuff) If I do drink when I'm feeling upset, I dive far too deeply into whatever negative feelings I'm having. I could NEVER bury my feelings through drinking, it just doesn't work for me.
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Glenjo-
I today am fortunate to not struggle with alcohol. I have one rule around it for me. I don't drink alone. I have challenges around isolation and don't need to compromise myself around that.
I just wanted to share an amusing story of my own recovery. When I was first working this stuff a number of years ago I was purchasing alcohol from the store for a baked good. I saw someone from my Al-Anon group and I had not explored this topic for myself or brought it up to the group yet.
I got so flustered I ran around the store "hiding," from him. Then though I paid for it I walked out of the store with the anti-theft lock on it and had to bring it back in later.
It was a wonderful, amusing lesson for me of learning to trust myself was a key part of the journey. The alcohol was not the problem in any way shape or form, my wanting to hide something was. Ahh the metaphor of my life.
An AA quote that has been invaluable to me has been "What someone else thinks about me is none of my business." Learning to trust me, which is what I hear you doing has been the most worthwhile journey.
I today am fortunate to not struggle with alcohol. I have one rule around it for me. I don't drink alone. I have challenges around isolation and don't need to compromise myself around that.
I just wanted to share an amusing story of my own recovery. When I was first working this stuff a number of years ago I was purchasing alcohol from the store for a baked good. I saw someone from my Al-Anon group and I had not explored this topic for myself or brought it up to the group yet.
I got so flustered I ran around the store "hiding," from him. Then though I paid for it I walked out of the store with the anti-theft lock on it and had to bring it back in later.
It was a wonderful, amusing lesson for me of learning to trust myself was a key part of the journey. The alcohol was not the problem in any way shape or form, my wanting to hide something was. Ahh the metaphor of my life.
An AA quote that has been invaluable to me has been "What someone else thinks about me is none of my business." Learning to trust me, which is what I hear you doing has been the most worthwhile journey.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
Glenjo-
I today am fortunate to not struggle with alcohol. I have one rule around it for me. I don't drink alone. I have challenges around isolation and don't need to compromise myself around that.
I just wanted to share an amusing story of my own recovery. When I was first working this stuff a number of years ago I was purchasing alcohol from the store for a baked good. I saw someone from my Al-Anon group and I had not explored this topic for myself or brought it up to the group yet.
I got so flustered I ran around the store "hiding," from him. Then though I paid for it I walked out of the store with the anti-theft lock on it and had to bring it back in later.
It was a wonderful, amusing lesson for me of learning to trust myself was a key part of the journey. The alcohol was not the problem in any way shape or form, my wanting to hide something was. Ahh the metaphor of my life.
An AA quote that has been invaluable to me has been "What someone else thinks about me is none of my business." Learning to trust me, which is what I hear you doing has been the most worthwhile journey.
I today am fortunate to not struggle with alcohol. I have one rule around it for me. I don't drink alone. I have challenges around isolation and don't need to compromise myself around that.
I just wanted to share an amusing story of my own recovery. When I was first working this stuff a number of years ago I was purchasing alcohol from the store for a baked good. I saw someone from my Al-Anon group and I had not explored this topic for myself or brought it up to the group yet.
I got so flustered I ran around the store "hiding," from him. Then though I paid for it I walked out of the store with the anti-theft lock on it and had to bring it back in later.
It was a wonderful, amusing lesson for me of learning to trust myself was a key part of the journey. The alcohol was not the problem in any way shape or form, my wanting to hide something was. Ahh the metaphor of my life.
An AA quote that has been invaluable to me has been "What someone else thinks about me is none of my business." Learning to trust me, which is what I hear you doing has been the most worthwhile journey.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by CodeJob
Glen Jo,
I think it’s important to go out with friends and have a good time! It is your birthday!? You deserve a lighthearted time and laughter!
If you aren’t an alcoholic, having a drink at a dinner is not going to impede your work on codependency. But if you feel anxious about it, do what makes you feel comfortable.
I think it’s important to go out with friends and have a good time! It is your birthday!? You deserve a lighthearted time and laughter!
If you aren’t an alcoholic, having a drink at a dinner is not going to impede your work on codependency. But if you feel anxious about it, do what makes you feel comfortable.
I can see where someone can have a strong distaste for alcohol if they've experienced an alcoholic relationship. So if you feel like you just have no desire to drink, don't drink and don't feel pressured to. But if you're asking if it's ok to drink socially now that you've been through a relationship with an alcoholic, my opinion would be yes.
--Liz
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My question is did u enjoy a glass of wine or two, a couple of beers, or a few mix drinks prior to this breakup?
Understanding you are sad and alcohol is a depressant, the day is going to come where it’s simply all about you. You can give yourself permission to do you, and be you. After the breakup with XA , I found myself working a program I hoped he would have embraced and worked. All I got, I hope you go out a celebrate! If having a beer or two and dancing the night away, is something that interests you, Well my friend, just dance!
Understanding you are sad and alcohol is a depressant, the day is going to come where it’s simply all about you. You can give yourself permission to do you, and be you. After the breakup with XA , I found myself working a program I hoped he would have embraced and worked. All I got, I hope you go out a celebrate! If having a beer or two and dancing the night away, is something that interests you, Well my friend, just dance!
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