Blogs


Notices

I called the police on my drunk bf

Old 08-27-2018, 08:59 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 124
I called the cops on my exah once and that was after 3 months of our marriage. He was aggressive and lay his hands on me. I was stupid enough to not leave then and give him 3 more years of my life. It only got worse. He held the grudge against me for calling the cops. Took his revenge in the most manipulative ways through the marriage all while making me feel guilty for calling the cops. Used my guilt against me in every way possible. Emotional and psychological abuse . It took its toll on me. I wish I had ended it that first time.
Raindrops is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Raindrops For This Useful Post:
maia1234 (08-27-2018), Mango212 (09-10-2018), trailmix (08-28-2018)
Old 08-27-2018, 09:22 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Raindrops View Post
I called the cops on my exah once and that was after 3 months of our marriage. He was aggressive and lay his hands on me. I was stupid enough to not leave then and give him 3 more years of my life. It only got worse. He held the grudge against me for calling the cops. Took his revenge in the most manipulative ways through the marriage all while making me feel guilty for calling the cops. Used my guilt against me in every way possible. Emotional and psychological abuse . It took its toll on me. I wish I had ended it that first time.
It's such a sad pathetic way to live. I go to work feeling like a clinically insane person all while acting like I'm not. The mind games become so intense that I actually was questioning myself if I was in the right or wrong. This is not the way to live with another person. I hope you have found happiness.
Amusic is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Amusic For This Useful Post:
honeypig (08-29-2018), maia1234 (08-27-2018), Mango212 (09-10-2018), trailmix (08-28-2018)
Old 08-27-2018, 11:11 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,853
I'm just going to say this, so what are you going to do, or not do. You have many people on this thread who have been there done that. We don't claim to know it all, we just know what we went thru.

It sounds like you are now weighing things in your head.

How are you doing.

Just wanted you to know that I went thru this. My ex was drunk when he came home. I tried to go to sleep about 1/2 hour after he came home. I was drinking that night, but I just didn't want to deal with anything. So I went to bed. He came up about 15 mins. later. He wanted sex, I didn't. Long story short, I went to the ER, he was arrested.

I don't know if you are new to posting about how things are going, or what you are going thru, just know that we really do care about you here.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
amy55 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to amy55 For This Useful Post:
honeypig (08-29-2018), maia1234 (08-27-2018), Mango212 (09-10-2018), SmallButMighty (08-28-2018)
Old 08-28-2018, 04:30 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
BoxinRotz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,729
Amusic,

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Absolutely nothing will change on his part because you are still willing to accept him the way he is and he knows it. An alcoholic will groom their enabler until the enabler knows everything is so wrong but they try and convince themselves that it'll all be ok. It's never ok. That's where my first sentence comes in. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Make the changes.

I've wasted 7 years of my life on my husband. I finally got out and although he still calls my phone, I live in peace and quiet every single day because I changed it. That'd of never happened if I stayed. It's ok to be scared and unsure of our future. But staying with an abusive alcoholic who makes you feel insane is mental abuse.
BoxinRotz is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to BoxinRotz For This Useful Post:
honeypig (08-29-2018), maia1234 (08-28-2018), marie1960 (08-31-2018), RollTide (08-29-2018), SmallButMighty (08-28-2018)
Old 08-28-2018, 06:55 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
atalose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,104
Thank you. I'm not going to bail him out. The way I see it I've already paid the price. I'm sick to my gut over this and hate that I still care for his wellbeing when he has never cared for mine. Addiction is the most sickest disease. And being addicted to an addict is as well.
Amusic, itís ok to still care and love the people we shouldnít be around. Itís great that you did not bail him out but not getting the restraining order is putting him and his needs before your own and thatís just wrong. You said you wanted him out, that was your opportunity now sadly you will have to face unneeded further chaos and for what? What do you think is going to happen when he gets out of jail? What do you think heís going to do with his resentment towards you? What is your plan for you? Isnít it your lease, your home and why on earth would you be thinking of breaking that lease to move someplace else because he said he wouldnít move out. See, this is where that restraining order would have made him! A clean break rather than the long hurtful and painful good bye thatís coming.
atalose is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to atalose For This Useful Post:
dandylion (08-28-2018), honeypig (08-29-2018), maia1234 (08-28-2018), Opivotal (08-28-2018), SmallButMighty (08-28-2018), trailmix (08-28-2018)
Old 08-29-2018, 05:48 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
Amusic,

I have first-hand experience with what you are going through. I had to call the police and have my Abusive AF removed from the home in April.

Get a protective order because he is being abusiveóand trust me, it will escalate. The lease is in your name and the protective order will keep him away from you wherever you live, now or if you would move at the end of your lease term. Get your locks changed if he has a key. If he shows up at your apartment after you get your order, call the police and have him arrested. If he goes to jail or gets some other sentence, oh well. You are worth it; no one should be abused or have to live in fear.

If you have specific questions about a protective order, PM me. Iím happy to share my experience and help to ease any fears you might have. The laws are different from state to state, but I have to tell you, his actions that night definitely demonstrate how violent he can be. Mine demonstrated very specific violence on the night he left and that is what earned my permanent protection order.

I wish you all the best. Please take good care of yourself.
Leelee168 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Leelee168 For This Useful Post:
atalose (08-29-2018), honeypig (08-29-2018), Mango212 (09-10-2018), peaceofpi (08-31-2018)
Old 08-31-2018, 02:32 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Blog Entries: 1
I am going to add my two cents.

He should not return to the home. Period.

Your are in a toxic situation. He went to jail this time, I am afraid if you allow him to return, next time, you maybe the one going to jail. There is nothing to prevent him from calling the cops on you and claiming you assaulted him, in retaliation . Be very proactive in your safety.

The writing is on the wall, he is abusive and you need to protect you. The police are there to protect and serve, they did their job , they removed the threat. The police cannot continuously micromanage poor choices.

Please know I am saying this with concern for your wellbeing

I have heard the same repeated scenario regarding domestic violence situations , and it never ends well. Lots of court fines, jail time, probation, and lather, rinse repeat. Victims of abuse end up in front of judges too, it’s not right but it does happen.

Raise the bar for yourself. You deserve so much better.
marie1960 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to marie1960 For This Useful Post:
Mango212 (09-10-2018)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:05 PM.