Your opinion on this PTSD realization pretty please.
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Your opinion on this PTSD realization pretty please.
I've had so many lightbulb moments lately my head is spinning. But that's ok, its a good thing. I'd like your opinion on this, just bouncing around this idea.
Shortly after my husband stopped drinking I started with symptoms of C-PTSD. It was horrible and scary. At first, just around him. That calmed down as he continued to work his program and I saw changes that allowed me to trust him little by little. Still some mild PTSD symptoms when I hear him open a soda can, or something he does that reminds me of his drinking days etc.
Then it progressed to PTSD attacks (milder than they used to be) when hearing family talk about my A sister who I've been no contact for several years. Attacks when my other A sister drunk texts me ( blocked her) and attacks when I see my A brother-in-law, or when I hear him talking.
Now I am triggered when I see someone in public who seems drunk, or smell alcohol on a customer who comes through my line at work. Stocking the beer cooler doesn't phase me. I notice the beer, but it doesn't cause a reaction.
My RAH's best friend of 40 years, I've known him for 20 years. We have a sibling-like relationship. He's a good man, he's always been there to help us over the years. I could count on him to help us when I couldn't count on RAH. He's loaned us money when we were short because RAH blew it on beer. He has taken RAH with him to help him cut firewood and haul it to our house because...you guessed it, we didn't have money to buy it because beer was more important to RAH.
I trust him our friend 100%. He's never let us down. I've smelled alcohol on him several times since RAH quit drinking. I noticed the alcohol smell, didn't phase me a bit.
We went out to dinner recently with my dad (has never been an A). He had a beer. I noticed he was drinking beer. That's it, didn't bother me. I noticed my niece took a sip of dads beer. No problem, we all went on to have a great dinner and visit.
So my realization is, its all about TRUST. I trust my dad, my niece, our friend. I TRUST, and have seen in their actions, that they will be there for me when I need help. Its that simple I guess.
I've also noticed my symptoms are more severe with A family members, than with drunk strangers.
My A mom loved us, we were cared for very well, we knew we were loved. But emotionally we were on our own. My mom, sisters, husband and BIL, as alcoholics, showed me by their actions....
-Alcoholics aren't safe. That's the #1 thing that pops into my head when I think of the word alcoholic.
-Alcoholics won't be there to help you when you need them.
-Alcoholics will drag you down with them if you allow them to.
Is this a reasonable conclusion? I feel like it is, but like I mentioned, my head is spinning with all the things that have come to light recently.
Shortly after my husband stopped drinking I started with symptoms of C-PTSD. It was horrible and scary. At first, just around him. That calmed down as he continued to work his program and I saw changes that allowed me to trust him little by little. Still some mild PTSD symptoms when I hear him open a soda can, or something he does that reminds me of his drinking days etc.
Then it progressed to PTSD attacks (milder than they used to be) when hearing family talk about my A sister who I've been no contact for several years. Attacks when my other A sister drunk texts me ( blocked her) and attacks when I see my A brother-in-law, or when I hear him talking.
Now I am triggered when I see someone in public who seems drunk, or smell alcohol on a customer who comes through my line at work. Stocking the beer cooler doesn't phase me. I notice the beer, but it doesn't cause a reaction.
My RAH's best friend of 40 years, I've known him for 20 years. We have a sibling-like relationship. He's a good man, he's always been there to help us over the years. I could count on him to help us when I couldn't count on RAH. He's loaned us money when we were short because RAH blew it on beer. He has taken RAH with him to help him cut firewood and haul it to our house because...you guessed it, we didn't have money to buy it because beer was more important to RAH.
I trust him our friend 100%. He's never let us down. I've smelled alcohol on him several times since RAH quit drinking. I noticed the alcohol smell, didn't phase me a bit.
We went out to dinner recently with my dad (has never been an A). He had a beer. I noticed he was drinking beer. That's it, didn't bother me. I noticed my niece took a sip of dads beer. No problem, we all went on to have a great dinner and visit.
So my realization is, its all about TRUST. I trust my dad, my niece, our friend. I TRUST, and have seen in their actions, that they will be there for me when I need help. Its that simple I guess.
I've also noticed my symptoms are more severe with A family members, than with drunk strangers.
My A mom loved us, we were cared for very well, we knew we were loved. But emotionally we were on our own. My mom, sisters, husband and BIL, as alcoholics, showed me by their actions....
-Alcoholics aren't safe. That's the #1 thing that pops into my head when I think of the word alcoholic.
-Alcoholics won't be there to help you when you need them.
-Alcoholics will drag you down with them if you allow them to.
Is this a reasonable conclusion? I feel like it is, but like I mentioned, my head is spinning with all the things that have come to light recently.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Alcoholics aren't safe. That's the #1 thing that pops into my head when I think of the word alcoholic.
-Alcoholics won't be there to help you when you need them.
-Alcoholics will drag you down with them if you allow them to.
Active alcoholics and those who are in early recovery or simply not drinking and not in recovery, yes.
My alcoholic husband could be depended on in many ways for a long time, until he couldn't. Alcohol was his drug of choice that helped him cope with life. It worked for him until it stopped working.
As for working through all the fears, triggers, layers of c-ptsd and anxiety, God guides me to and through many situations for a reason. Many of these I don't see more clearly until I have more healing and distance from the trauma.
-Alcoholics won't be there to help you when you need them.
-Alcoholics will drag you down with them if you allow them to.
Active alcoholics and those who are in early recovery or simply not drinking and not in recovery, yes.
My alcoholic husband could be depended on in many ways for a long time, until he couldn't. Alcohol was his drug of choice that helped him cope with life. It worked for him until it stopped working.
As for working through all the fears, triggers, layers of c-ptsd and anxiety, God guides me to and through many situations for a reason. Many of these I don't see more clearly until I have more healing and distance from the trauma.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Three things that help me through the exposure therapy and recovery process:
1. Meditation. There are so many wonderful ways to focus my attention on the good in life! This allows me greater strength in directing my thoughts and walking through my fears.
2. Having fun. Allowing laughter.
3. Riding the waves. Ebb and flow. My emotions don't always need to make sense. I don't always need to know the message behind the healing. Sometimes I simply sit with the pain, acknowledge it, let it pass.
1. Meditation. There are so many wonderful ways to focus my attention on the good in life! This allows me greater strength in directing my thoughts and walking through my fears.
2. Having fun. Allowing laughter.
3. Riding the waves. Ebb and flow. My emotions don't always need to make sense. I don't always need to know the message behind the healing. Sometimes I simply sit with the pain, acknowledge it, let it pass.
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Yes you have nailed it.
The reaction to them is fear. You don't have a reason to fear these other people.
It's probably not really about the alcohol per se, it's about them, their unreliability. You know for a fact you can't rely on them. You also know that their reaction to you (or anyone for that matter) is unpredictable and unsafe (be that mentally or physically).
Initially when you are around a negative person/alcoholic/unreliable person, say when you first meet, maybe even for a year or two, depending on how much time you spend with them, you are probably in a somewhat strong place mentally.
Then the abuse starts, then the wearing down starts, then the hopelessness starts, then the trampling of your emotions starts.
Your boundaries shift. Enter fear.
Think back to a time in your life when you were emotionally at your strongest. If someone had treated you the way any of these folks have you probably would have had a few choice words for them and been on your way.
Your emotional defenses have been worn down, you are not protecting yourself and perhaps even feel incapable of doing that right now (enter fear).
The truth is you can get back to that place, by detaching from those people and building your self confidence etc back up.
I think that is where you are headed, well done.
The reaction to them is fear. You don't have a reason to fear these other people.
It's probably not really about the alcohol per se, it's about them, their unreliability. You know for a fact you can't rely on them. You also know that their reaction to you (or anyone for that matter) is unpredictable and unsafe (be that mentally or physically).
Initially when you are around a negative person/alcoholic/unreliable person, say when you first meet, maybe even for a year or two, depending on how much time you spend with them, you are probably in a somewhat strong place mentally.
Then the abuse starts, then the wearing down starts, then the hopelessness starts, then the trampling of your emotions starts.
Your boundaries shift. Enter fear.
Think back to a time in your life when you were emotionally at your strongest. If someone had treated you the way any of these folks have you probably would have had a few choice words for them and been on your way.
Your emotional defenses have been worn down, you are not protecting yourself and perhaps even feel incapable of doing that right now (enter fear).
The truth is you can get back to that place, by detaching from those people and building your self confidence etc back up.
I think that is where you are headed, well done.
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Definitely this....
Then the abuse starts, then the wearing down starts, then the hopelessness starts, then the trampling of your emotions starts
I can get away from average people, I can protect myself. With alcoholic family, until recently I didn't know I could get away. I couldn't get away from my AH with 4 kids, then 5 and 6, and a son with disabilities and no one to care for him. Except the AH.
RAH in recovery now. I don't want to leave right now. But if I did, the cheapest rent I've found is $950. I'm on low income lists, that takes years. So basically my point is.....I still feel trapped. My gut feeling is I'm still trapped. I can't leave if he drinks again. My gut feeling also tells me when I don't feel trapped the PTSD will be more under control.
I know its not hopeless. Other women have found solutions, maybe even other women with disabled children. I will keep at it. Until then, I'm trapped.
You all help so much, you change lives. Thank you.
Then the abuse starts, then the wearing down starts, then the hopelessness starts, then the trampling of your emotions starts
I can get away from average people, I can protect myself. With alcoholic family, until recently I didn't know I could get away. I couldn't get away from my AH with 4 kids, then 5 and 6, and a son with disabilities and no one to care for him. Except the AH.
RAH in recovery now. I don't want to leave right now. But if I did, the cheapest rent I've found is $950. I'm on low income lists, that takes years. So basically my point is.....I still feel trapped. My gut feeling is I'm still trapped. I can't leave if he drinks again. My gut feeling also tells me when I don't feel trapped the PTSD will be more under control.
I know its not hopeless. Other women have found solutions, maybe even other women with disabled children. I will keep at it. Until then, I'm trapped.
You all help so much, you change lives. Thank you.
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I've gone to any lengths, and will continue to do so. And in general that idea could ring true, but unfortunately we aren't all in the same boat. There are more details that I've not shared. But, gotta keep going.
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I think you're right on about fear. Your lizard brain associates alcohol with danger so when you sense the presence of alcohol, the sympathetic nervous system goes into jacked-up fight-or-flight mode. After it's been activated repeatedly, it becomes hypersensitive and it only takes a small cue to tip the whole thing into activation.
With people that you trust, other parts of your brain can override the fear reaction - your experience of these people, and more importantly your belief that they are trustworthy, is more powerful than the association between alcohol and danger.
For what it's worth, I get twinges of the "slow panic attack" sensation whenever I see a text or an email in the same font as ex uses in his missives.
With people that you trust, other parts of your brain can override the fear reaction - your experience of these people, and more importantly your belief that they are trustworthy, is more powerful than the association between alcohol and danger.
For what it's worth, I get twinges of the "slow panic attack" sensation whenever I see a text or an email in the same font as ex uses in his missives.
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Sasha, thank you! You explained it perfectly, its never really made sense to me. And you're right, it has become hypersensitive. I now smell alcohol, when there's no way its possible. It lasts about 30 seconds, then goes away. It seems easier to handle when it makes sense, and know I'm not crazy. I do understand the panic attacks regarding the text your ex used in his emails. I bet there were some pretty upsetting, nasty things said to you. 😢
Originally Posted by Sasha1972 
I think you're right on about fear. Your lizard brain associates alcohol with danger so when you sense the presence of alcohol, the sympathetic nervous system goes into jacked-up fight-or-flight mode. After it's been activated repeatedly, it becomes hypersensitive and it only takes a small cue to tip the whole thing into activation.
With people that you trust, other parts of your brain can override the fear reaction - your experience of these people, and more importantly your belief that they are trustworthy, is more powerful than the association between alcohol and danger.
For what it's worth, I get twinges of the "slow panic attack" sensation whenever I see a text or an email in the same font as ex uses in his missives.
With people that you trust, other parts of your brain can override the fear reaction - your experience of these people, and more importantly your belief that they are trustworthy, is more powerful than the association between alcohol and danger.
For what it's worth, I get twinges of the "slow panic attack" sensation whenever I see a text or an email in the same font as ex uses in his missives.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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I just started with my new therapist and I love her! After our first session I had a huge revelation, some memories from childhood. I remember you mentioning you has something like that happen recently too. A good therapist will make a huge difference in healing.
Originally Posted by Mango212
Keep on keeping on. 
How are you doing with the ptsd therapy?
How are you doing with the ptsd therapy?
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My mother was just like yours - an alcoholic, but also the PTA president, room mother, and very loving. I grew up and married an alcoholic. Both people let me down and I understand exactly what you mean by triggers. (I too, have been diagnosed with CPTSD)
I drink carbonated water and even my own "popping of the top" triggers the memory of my mother cracking open a beer once I got home from school. I have dreams of blue bottles (my husband's vodka bottle).
And you're right - funny enough, if my non-alcoholic father was to have a beer in front of me (a rarity, for sure), it wouldn't bother me. I can count on him. I can call him at 2 am and he'd get out of bed in a heartbeat if I needed him right then.
It's scary when you are close to someone and you depend on them and they aren't there. I think you are absolutely right in your assessment of yourself.
I drink carbonated water and even my own "popping of the top" triggers the memory of my mother cracking open a beer once I got home from school. I have dreams of blue bottles (my husband's vodka bottle).
And you're right - funny enough, if my non-alcoholic father was to have a beer in front of me (a rarity, for sure), it wouldn't bother me. I can count on him. I can call him at 2 am and he'd get out of bed in a heartbeat if I needed him right then.
It's scary when you are close to someone and you depend on them and they aren't there. I think you are absolutely right in your assessment of yourself.
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Wow, we are two peas in a pod. I will always hate the do in of a soda being opened. If I'm within hearing distance of my husband, somehow my brain knows its him open in a soda, and not one of the kids. Have you Ben able to heal from your PTD? Are you still having problems with it affecting your daily life?
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Guess I should of had my coffee before typing, that's a lot of typos 😅
Originally Posted by Wamama48
Wow, we are two peas in a pod. I will always hate the do in of a soda being opened. If I'm within hearing distance of my husband, somehow my brain knows its him open in a soda, and not one of the kids. Have you Ben able to heal from your PTD? Are you still having problems with it affecting your daily life?
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