Just need to vent...
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What Addicts Do
Your post made me think of this sticky:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ddicts-do.html (What Addicts Do)
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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Have A Great 24
-jon
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
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Thank you for your insight, Trailmix. My therapist constantly tells me to stop trying to apply logic to my girlfriend's actions. I guess due to my lack of experience dealing with someone like this, I still expect them to have some level of self-awareness. Every friend I've had that's had substance abuse issues has at least recognized it. I've never seen someone in a denial stage quite like hers.
I have to actively work on not trying to understand it and protect myself. She has pretty severe mental issues and is receiving no help for it. I've suggested getting therapy but she's "working on it on her own" and I have "no idea how much progress she's already made."
That dinner example was one of dozens like that. It was definitely out of left field but I was trying to give sort of a window into her mindset.
I think the best thing I can do for myself now is sever ties with her. In the future, I have to work on not letting myself get lost in a relationship and creating healthier boundaries. I have a tendency to get totally consumed by my girlfriend's lives.
I have to actively work on not trying to understand it and protect myself. She has pretty severe mental issues and is receiving no help for it. I've suggested getting therapy but she's "working on it on her own" and I have "no idea how much progress she's already made."
That dinner example was one of dozens like that. It was definitely out of left field but I was trying to give sort of a window into her mindset.
I think the best thing I can do for myself now is sever ties with her. In the future, I have to work on not letting myself get lost in a relationship and creating healthier boundaries. I have a tendency to get totally consumed by my girlfriend's lives.
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Originally Posted by jjwinters 
I still expect them to have some level of self-awareness.
You personally do not have to put up with anything that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy etc., you can do that, make your boundaries but one thing I see in your posts is judgement.
When you apply your logic to anyone else and say, well this would be my expectation of myself if I were them - that's rather judgmental. You can say, of course, I won't ever let myself become a heroin addict, I won't ever try it, I won't struggle with over-eating because if I see I have an odd relationship to food I will seek help with that. Whatever your approach might be.
By applying what appears from your descriptions to be your "standards" of behavior, you don't allow/accept for people to be themselves.
People don't have to adhere to your standards.
(that is not said in a harsh way btw, all of this is harsh and I don't mean to insult you at all).
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Here is the thing. Who cares what she thinks! You cannot change that.
I am divorced from a man who "painted me black." Exact same situation. I only ever wanted him to be well and to have a good marriage.
Thing is, people know me, and people know him. Surprise, most have stuck by me because they see who I am. It's actions, not words that tell who a person is. For those who believe him, they are no better than him and were not my friend to start with.
My XAH is an alcoholic with a BPD. There is almost no chance of someone w/a BPD getting "cured." There it is. So, this is what their future is, and what your future will be unless you make some changes.
Big hugs because I know it's hard and that it hurts.
I am divorced from a man who "painted me black." Exact same situation. I only ever wanted him to be well and to have a good marriage.
Thing is, people know me, and people know him. Surprise, most have stuck by me because they see who I am. It's actions, not words that tell who a person is. For those who believe him, they are no better than him and were not my friend to start with.
My XAH is an alcoholic with a BPD. There is almost no chance of someone w/a BPD getting "cured." There it is. So, this is what their future is, and what your future will be unless you make some changes.
Big hugs because I know it's hard and that it hurts.
Originally Posted by jjwinters
Sadly, she won't realize that.
She'll convince herself that I was a bad person and controlling, manipulative, not-supportive. When the only thing I ever wanted was for her to not treat me like crap when she drinks. When drunk, she just straight up re-writes history. Even when it's documented in text. The drinking has totally distorted her reality.
My therapist strongly believes she's not only an alcoholic but probably has some form of borderline personality disorder as well. They're known to "paint you black" once you've "abandoned" them. She will not remember me kindly and will probably make up all kinds of horrible things about me when talking to others.
She'll convince herself that I was a bad person and controlling, manipulative, not-supportive. When the only thing I ever wanted was for her to not treat me like crap when she drinks. When drunk, she just straight up re-writes history. Even when it's documented in text. The drinking has totally distorted her reality.
My therapist strongly believes she's not only an alcoholic but probably has some form of borderline personality disorder as well. They're known to "paint you black" once you've "abandoned" them. She will not remember me kindly and will probably make up all kinds of horrible things about me when talking to others.
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I appreciate the frankess, Trailmix. I can see how what I'm posting appears to be judgy. I should clarify I'm not judging people who choose to do whatever they want in general. I think it's another story when it puts others in danger - drunk driving, assault etc.
In this case, she's been emotionally abusive so I think there's some right to judge. I do have expectations that my partner be mutually respectful. That's it. If she didn't turn into a monster when she drinks, I'd never have an issue with it. And if I didn't like that lifestyle, we'd amicably separate. And you're also right that now that I recognize this is her lifestyle, I should leave.
In this case, she's been emotionally abusive so I think there's some right to judge. I do have expectations that my partner be mutually respectful. That's it. If she didn't turn into a monster when she drinks, I'd never have an issue with it. And if I didn't like that lifestyle, we'd amicably separate. And you're also right that now that I recognize this is her lifestyle, I should leave.
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Thanks for this. Once I recognized the BPD as a problem, I felt it was hopeless. They are never satisfied with anything. There is always a problem with something and no matter how much effort and love you pour into the relationship, they'll turn on you on a dime.
It certainly hurts to have to leave someone you care about. Just like you, I have a lot of close friends and she almost none. But that makes me really sad. I know she's just going to isolate herself until starting this cycle with someone else.
It certainly hurts to have to leave someone you care about. Just like you, I have a lot of close friends and she almost none. But that makes me really sad. I know she's just going to isolate herself until starting this cycle with someone else.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am divorced from a man who "painted me black." Exact same situation. I only ever wanted him to be well and to have a good marriage.
Thing is, people know me, and people know him. Surprise, most have stuck by me because they see who I am. It's actions, not words that tell who a person is. For those who believe him, they are no better than him and were not my friend to start with.
My XAH is an alcoholic with a BPD. There is almost no chance of someone w/a BPD getting "cured." There it is. So, this is what their future is, and what your future will be unless you make some changes.
Big hugs because I know it's hard and that it hurts.
Thing is, people know me, and people know him. Surprise, most have stuck by me because they see who I am. It's actions, not words that tell who a person is. For those who believe him, they are no better than him and were not my friend to start with.
My XAH is an alcoholic with a BPD. There is almost no chance of someone w/a BPD getting "cured." There it is. So, this is what their future is, and what your future will be unless you make some changes.
Big hugs because I know it's hard and that it hurts.
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Originally Posted by jjwinters
I know she's just going to isolate herself until starting this cycle with someone else.
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JJ,
I am glad you reached back out to SR. Yes, as we all know alcoholism is progressive and it will always get worse. You are the typical codie, like all of us on this forum. We always try and help our addicts, but once we realize that it is not possible, we put on our oxygen mask first, and I think you are finally there.
Your girlfriend is an addict and she doesn't have an issue with her drinking, in fact she doesn't even remember what she is doing when drunk. You have the issue so why don't you look within yourself and figure out how to handle this situation, that is obviously out of control. She has told that she will not stop, so what is plan B?
You are now seeking support and you need to figure out if you truly want to detach with love and can continue with this relationship. If not the best thing is to cut ties completely, like other posters have said. Maybe you are that point and can execute it and maybe you are not quite there yet. Time will tell.
From what you have said about her, she truly is not a kind or good person when drunk or sober. If you do continue seeing her I would cut out the "speeches" at the end of the drunken night. I was told years ago when you are speaking to a drunk while intoxicated you two are speaking two different languages. She doesn't understand you and you don't understand her so don't waste your breath. If you do feel you have to tell her about her toxic behavior, do it the next morning when she is nice and hung over.
Keep educating yourself on what you want in life. I have to say I wasted 34 years of my precious life with my addict waiting for him to get hit with a serenity stick and live happily ever after. It didn't happen. My axh chose the bottle over me, my kids, and our home. I have to say, If I had only known what you know about alcoholism, after less then a year dating a drunk, I would run and padlocked the doors behind me.
Hugs my friend, it is slowly sinking in.
I am glad you reached back out to SR. Yes, as we all know alcoholism is progressive and it will always get worse. You are the typical codie, like all of us on this forum. We always try and help our addicts, but once we realize that it is not possible, we put on our oxygen mask first, and I think you are finally there.
Your girlfriend is an addict and she doesn't have an issue with her drinking, in fact she doesn't even remember what she is doing when drunk. You have the issue so why don't you look within yourself and figure out how to handle this situation, that is obviously out of control. She has told that she will not stop, so what is plan B?
You are now seeking support and you need to figure out if you truly want to detach with love and can continue with this relationship. If not the best thing is to cut ties completely, like other posters have said. Maybe you are that point and can execute it and maybe you are not quite there yet. Time will tell.
From what you have said about her, she truly is not a kind or good person when drunk or sober. If you do continue seeing her I would cut out the "speeches" at the end of the drunken night. I was told years ago when you are speaking to a drunk while intoxicated you two are speaking two different languages. She doesn't understand you and you don't understand her so don't waste your breath. If you do feel you have to tell her about her toxic behavior, do it the next morning when she is nice and hung over.
Keep educating yourself on what you want in life. I have to say I wasted 34 years of my precious life with my addict waiting for him to get hit with a serenity stick and live happily ever after. It didn't happen. My axh chose the bottle over me, my kids, and our home. I have to say, If I had only known what you know about alcoholism, after less then a year dating a drunk, I would run and padlocked the doors behind me.
Hugs my friend, it is slowly sinking in.
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Originally Posted by jjwinters
I appreciate the frankess, Trailmix. I can see how what I'm posting appears to be judgy. I should clarify I'm not judging people who choose to do whatever they want in general. I think it's another story when it puts others in danger - drunk driving, assault etc.
In this case, she's been emotionally abusive so I think there's some right to judge. I do have expectations that my partner be mutually respectful. That's it. If she didn't turn into a monster when she drinks, I'd never have an issue with it. And if I didn't like that lifestyle, we'd amicably separate. And you're also right that now that I recognize this is her lifestyle, I should leave.
In this case, she's been emotionally abusive so I think there's some right to judge. I do have expectations that my partner be mutually respectful. That's it. If she didn't turn into a monster when she drinks, I'd never have an issue with it. And if I didn't like that lifestyle, we'd amicably separate. And you're also right that now that I recognize this is her lifestyle, I should leave.
Yes, she is emotionally abusive, no question about that. But what I'm trying to say is that attempting to put your standard/boundary/thought of how someone should behave on to another person, you are actually hurting not only them, but yourself.
First of all, it's where resentment is born and that's never a good thing. Secondly, you require a person to behave as you would (and have decided they should) and can set yourself up for a lot of heartache with that. Accepting they are who they are is key.
For example:
This person is mean, resentful, angry and rude to me, I would never be that mean and rude, how can they be?
This person is mean, resentful, angry and rude to me, that's not acceptable to me to be treated that way.
In the first instance you are judging their being, in the second you are looking at it from an outside perspective and how it affects you.
The difference is expectation. You can't expect them to not be who they are but you can certainly decide what your boundary is (without insisting on them "being" any certain way).
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JJ,
You sound just like me with my ex bf, driving myself insane trying to understand his behavior. How could he not see the drinking was a problem? How could he deny this when he'd binge for days straight? How could he not realize it when one of his advisors at work confronted him about being drunk at a meeting? How could he not see that getting passed-out drunk at social events was embarrassing and inconsiderate? How could he not understand why I couldn't trust him anymore after he lied many times about drinking?
I gave him about 40 chances to get his act together. After about 2 years of putting up with his crap, I told him that I think he needed to get some type of professional help or get into some type of recovery program. His response was that I was controlling, had ridiculous expectations, had no empathy, and would never be able to find anyone that would be able to satisfy me. In the same breath he insulted my work and my family. The way he could flip from sweet to malicious in a split second was stunning. This type of behavior leaves you feeling extreme confused. It's almost so surreal, that you can't believe it actually happened, and instead search for a logical way to explain it.
Like many others have commented, there is no logic here. The driving force is to drink and protect the addiction at all costs. It's the top priority. Blaming everything else is a defense mechanism to keep up the denial that a problem exists. If you are the problem, the alcohol isn't. The denial is truly remarkable. But don't buy into it.
It won't get better. She may very well love you, but she's not going to magically wake up one day and realize that she needs recovery. Especially if you keep putting up with her behavior. And the more upset you get, the more she'll feel justified in blaming you for all her problems. Take it from someone who let a relationship like this continue for 3 years. It's just not worth it.
You sound just like me with my ex bf, driving myself insane trying to understand his behavior. How could he not see the drinking was a problem? How could he deny this when he'd binge for days straight? How could he not realize it when one of his advisors at work confronted him about being drunk at a meeting? How could he not see that getting passed-out drunk at social events was embarrassing and inconsiderate? How could he not understand why I couldn't trust him anymore after he lied many times about drinking?
I gave him about 40 chances to get his act together. After about 2 years of putting up with his crap, I told him that I think he needed to get some type of professional help or get into some type of recovery program. His response was that I was controlling, had ridiculous expectations, had no empathy, and would never be able to find anyone that would be able to satisfy me. In the same breath he insulted my work and my family. The way he could flip from sweet to malicious in a split second was stunning. This type of behavior leaves you feeling extreme confused. It's almost so surreal, that you can't believe it actually happened, and instead search for a logical way to explain it.
Like many others have commented, there is no logic here. The driving force is to drink and protect the addiction at all costs. It's the top priority. Blaming everything else is a defense mechanism to keep up the denial that a problem exists. If you are the problem, the alcohol isn't. The denial is truly remarkable. But don't buy into it.
It won't get better. She may very well love you, but she's not going to magically wake up one day and realize that she needs recovery. Especially if you keep putting up with her behavior. And the more upset you get, the more she'll feel justified in blaming you for all her problems. Take it from someone who let a relationship like this continue for 3 years. It's just not worth it.
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Additionally, I think trailmix's comment about expectations is very wise here.
In my relationship, I found myself putting my expectations on my boyfriend and then becoming resentful when he didn't meet them over and over again. I never felt that my expectations were high (i.e. don't get passed-out drunk when we're out socially drinking or at work events, etc.). I absolutely could not comprehend how he could do this because I would never do that. But, he showed me many times, by repeating this behavior, that he didn't have that expectation for himself. So at that point, it's just an incompatibility issue. Trying to explain to him ad nauseam how his behavior was unacceptable just built resentment between us.
It's ok to say, "Your behavior is unacceptable to me, therefore I cannot be in this relationship (or I will not be around you when you drink, etc.)". But you can't say, "Your behavior is unacceptable to me, so change".
I think this is easier said than done, especially when the alcoholic says that they want to change, realizes their behavior was wrong, makes promises, etc. If my ex would have just told me the first time he got inappropriately drunk that he didn't have any problem with his drinking and had no intention of ever changing, then it would have been easier to just amicably part ways. But you have to look at actions more than word, and it seems to me that your gf doesn't have any problem with how she is acting. So then your options are to move on or accept her as she is. It's simple logic, but it's a really difficult thing to do.
In my relationship, I found myself putting my expectations on my boyfriend and then becoming resentful when he didn't meet them over and over again. I never felt that my expectations were high (i.e. don't get passed-out drunk when we're out socially drinking or at work events, etc.). I absolutely could not comprehend how he could do this because I would never do that. But, he showed me many times, by repeating this behavior, that he didn't have that expectation for himself. So at that point, it's just an incompatibility issue. Trying to explain to him ad nauseam how his behavior was unacceptable just built resentment between us.
It's ok to say, "Your behavior is unacceptable to me, therefore I cannot be in this relationship (or I will not be around you when you drink, etc.)". But you can't say, "Your behavior is unacceptable to me, so change".
I think this is easier said than done, especially when the alcoholic says that they want to change, realizes their behavior was wrong, makes promises, etc. If my ex would have just told me the first time he got inappropriately drunk that he didn't have any problem with his drinking and had no intention of ever changing, then it would have been easier to just amicably part ways. But you have to look at actions more than word, and it seems to me that your gf doesn't have any problem with how she is acting. So then your options are to move on or accept her as she is. It's simple logic, but it's a really difficult thing to do.
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Liz & Trailmix, that distinction makes a lot of sense to me. That's probably something that's led to a great deal of disappointment with many people throughout my life. Having this expectation that they meet my standards of what it means to be a friend, family member, girlfriend etc.
We had an argument yesterday and I made a point of clarifying that x, y, & z was a problem "for me." Instead of saying, here's the way you're supposed to behave. For example, having to drink every time we go somewhere or do something is a "problem for me." She was definitely more responsive to that.
Sounds like our experiences are shockingly similar, Liz. We set the bar so low you can walk over it. It's unbelievably frustrating but it's our fault for expecting someone who's a certain way to change. I'm finding out how absolutely true it is that you must accept and be happy with someone EXACTLY how they are if you want to have a successful relationship. Sure, some things will always bother us but fundamentally, I believe that to be true.
We had an argument yesterday and I made a point of clarifying that x, y, & z was a problem "for me." Instead of saying, here's the way you're supposed to behave. For example, having to drink every time we go somewhere or do something is a "problem for me." She was definitely more responsive to that.
Sounds like our experiences are shockingly similar, Liz. We set the bar so low you can walk over it. It's unbelievably frustrating but it's our fault for expecting someone who's a certain way to change. I'm finding out how absolutely true it is that you must accept and be happy with someone EXACTLY how they are if you want to have a successful relationship. Sure, some things will always bother us but fundamentally, I believe that to be true.
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Hey JJ,
I would just caution you with trying to make it your or her "fault". For me, thinking about it in terms of who's to blame was really counterproductive. These situations are incredibly difficult. It's not your "fault" for having certain standards/values/beliefs, and it's not your "fault" for wanting to have a relationship with someone who has the same standards/values/beliefs. And it's also not your "fault" for dating your gf nor is it your "fault" for wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt. You love this person; you want to believe that the things about them that you love are who they truly are. You can't beat yourself up over that. But, it's also not her "fault" for not living up to your expectations. It's just incompatibility.
Also, I think that people genuinely can change their behaviors to an extent in consideration of their significant other's feelings. I mean, we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who considers our feelings. It's just that, if we've expressed to our partner that their behavior really bothers us and they've continued the behavior anyways, then we know what their priority is. And they have a right to make whatever they want a priority to them. And we have a right to choose to walk away from the relationship.
It's really hard to think like this when you're in the midst of an alcoholic relationship, because often the alcoholic will make you feel guilty about having the expectations that you do because they don't want to lose you, but also can't meet your expectations. My ex would tell me that I would never be able to find someone that would be able to meet my unreasonable standards, and it really did a number on my self-esteem. It took me getting to the point where I felt I'd rather never find anyone else and be alone than be in that relationship to get out of it.
In a healthy relationship, if two people are having a lot of these fights about basic behaviors or expectations, both partners would likely chose to go their separate ways and search for something that would be more fulfilling for both of them. But these codependent/alcoholic relationships are just super unhealthy. My point is just to caution you from making any extreme "rules" about relationships based off this one unhealthy relationship, and also to think about whether or not you want to continue putting so much effort into a relationship where you've already expressed your feelings about a major issue and have seen little to suggest that your partner cares about your feelings on the matter.
Wishing you the best!
I would just caution you with trying to make it your or her "fault". For me, thinking about it in terms of who's to blame was really counterproductive. These situations are incredibly difficult. It's not your "fault" for having certain standards/values/beliefs, and it's not your "fault" for wanting to have a relationship with someone who has the same standards/values/beliefs. And it's also not your "fault" for dating your gf nor is it your "fault" for wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt. You love this person; you want to believe that the things about them that you love are who they truly are. You can't beat yourself up over that. But, it's also not her "fault" for not living up to your expectations. It's just incompatibility.
Also, I think that people genuinely can change their behaviors to an extent in consideration of their significant other's feelings. I mean, we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who considers our feelings. It's just that, if we've expressed to our partner that their behavior really bothers us and they've continued the behavior anyways, then we know what their priority is. And they have a right to make whatever they want a priority to them. And we have a right to choose to walk away from the relationship.
It's really hard to think like this when you're in the midst of an alcoholic relationship, because often the alcoholic will make you feel guilty about having the expectations that you do because they don't want to lose you, but also can't meet your expectations. My ex would tell me that I would never be able to find someone that would be able to meet my unreasonable standards, and it really did a number on my self-esteem. It took me getting to the point where I felt I'd rather never find anyone else and be alone than be in that relationship to get out of it.
In a healthy relationship, if two people are having a lot of these fights about basic behaviors or expectations, both partners would likely chose to go their separate ways and search for something that would be more fulfilling for both of them. But these codependent/alcoholic relationships are just super unhealthy. My point is just to caution you from making any extreme "rules" about relationships based off this one unhealthy relationship, and also to think about whether or not you want to continue putting so much effort into a relationship where you've already expressed your feelings about a major issue and have seen little to suggest that your partner cares about your feelings on the matter.
Wishing you the best!
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You sound like an AMAZING man!!! A relationship should thrive on all things that make us feel good. A partnership is about encouraging each other to be the best we can be. A relationship with an alcoholic is a repetitive cycle of hatred, pain and lies.
I want you to find your soul match and live a meaningful life with someone who can respond to your kindness with kindness. You deserve it. Please believe it!
I want you to find your soul match and live a meaningful life with someone who can respond to your kindness with kindness. You deserve it. Please believe it!
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An update:
We broke up last night. It wasn't the usual blow up kind of thing. We just can't help but argue with each other and it reached a point where we both recognized it had to stop. Hurts like hell.
When it comes down to it, she's just not laid back at all. Over time, her getting extremely upset over minuscule problems just wore me down. We couldn't have a carefree day no matter how hard I tried to set us up for success. She'd lose her temper if I missed an exit even though we were coming from a nice date or something. That sort of thing.
Regardless, we still love each other and it hurts to separate. We did have a lot of fun with each other at times, and were very like-minded in a lot of ways. It's just really unfortunate that it has to end.
We broke up last night. It wasn't the usual blow up kind of thing. We just can't help but argue with each other and it reached a point where we both recognized it had to stop. Hurts like hell.
When it comes down to it, she's just not laid back at all. Over time, her getting extremely upset over minuscule problems just wore me down. We couldn't have a carefree day no matter how hard I tried to set us up for success. She'd lose her temper if I missed an exit even though we were coming from a nice date or something. That sort of thing.
Regardless, we still love each other and it hurts to separate. We did have a lot of fun with each other at times, and were very like-minded in a lot of ways. It's just really unfortunate that it has to end.
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I am sorry JJ, it hurts.
Do you have a plan? Lots of times when we break up with our addicts they don't really comprehend it. They reach out and apologize, then if they don't get a response from you, they get mean and angry.
If this happens, do you have a plan on how to handle this. Your heart is hurting so no contact is the only thing that will help. Sending hugs!!
Do you have a plan? Lots of times when we break up with our addicts they don't really comprehend it. They reach out and apologize, then if they don't get a response from you, they get mean and angry.
If this happens, do you have a plan on how to handle this. Your heart is hurting so no contact is the only thing that will help. Sending hugs!!
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Yes, i'm sorry too that you got hurt in all of this. It's not easy that's for sure.
I hope you have some plans for some good self care this weekend and doing things that you like to do. You may not even feel like it but at least attempt them maybe. Anything to binge on netflix?
I hope you have some plans for some good self care this weekend and doing things that you like to do. You may not even feel like it but at least attempt them maybe. Anything to binge on netflix?
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 108
I appreciate you both. I don't really have a plan at the moment. This just feels really depressing and it's hard for me to do much. I know it's for the best in the long run but I still feel a lot of pain having to lose this person.
Trailmix, will try to think of something uplifting to do. Think it's just going to take a lot of time to heal this. I know I've said a lot of bad things, but she's someone I think I'll never totally get over.
Trailmix, will try to think of something uplifting to do. Think it's just going to take a lot of time to heal this. I know I've said a lot of bad things, but she's someone I think I'll never totally get over.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,634
Yes, sadly the only way is through it, can't hop around it (although wouldn't that be handy!).
Initially you are going to be sad, that's a given but I do hope you find some distractions for the weekend, spend time with family and friends maybe? Talking helps try to eat well and try to get some sleep.
Of course you always have SR!
Initially you are going to be sad, that's a given but I do hope you find some distractions for the weekend, spend time with family and friends maybe? Talking helps try to eat well and try to get some sleep.
Of course you always have SR!
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