Am I being naive?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by soberista 
Firstly it doesnt matter to us the what you decide. Either way you will be wholeheartedly supported with love.
Here's my coin on the table for what its worth.
Relationship
He has distanced from me...there has been no intimacy for years which l put down to his age (60s).
He is irritable a lot. Just a negative person.
i dont know what to do or how to deal with the fact the man l thought l knew really is a stranger who has a big health threatening problem
All l know is i feel like ive been living and loving someone l dont know at all but thought l did.
I feel utterly alone and frightened.
The person who is meant to be my rock is no more than a hollow shell...who is putting me in a position where l have to cope alone.
I told him my trust in him is shattered
he had debts l found out by accident about not long after we began living together. I found porn on his laptop which he denied until l showed him the browsing history and he had no choice but to admit....its one discovery after another.
This of course doesn't mean that l believe ive misjudged him or that this is settled in my mind...far from it.
I guess l got what l deserved.
I cannot save him.
But it was the secrecy about it that unsettled me.
he has got lying down to a find art.
Rock and hard place 😞
Alcohol
When i try to discuss it..he gets defensive and tells me to stop going on about it. He says he had a little problem with worry and sleeplessness and was dealing with it on his own because every time he mentions his daughter l am always negative about her and make him feel worse.
He normally drinks Jack D but said he had gone off it in favour of vodka. So l bought a bottle of jack d and a bottle of vodka (as a test i suppose)and guess which one he opened???? To say he had gone off it the week before, he soon favoured it again. Vodka is easier to hide...
Good grief..as I am writing this i am amazed at my stupidity as I didn't question any further. How stupid am i? He obviously poured it away for effect! I even asked my neighbours if it was theirs the following day!!!!!
Daughter
His daughter is a sore point in our life as she has brought so many problems our way over the years
His daughter and l dont get get on (in fact he and his daughter dont get on!
Positives
He prepares dinner each day
He walks our dog
He cleans the whole house
He looked after me when l was ill
He pays the mortgage.
He isn't violent, he doesn't get drunk, he doesn't vomit everywhere or wet the bed
so why worry too much about it? If/when it becomes 'bad' i will address it.
All of the above are your words. It would perhaps be really good to unravel this knot of emotions, feelings and unvented anger. A counselor would be a start to get this out in the open and explored.
Perhaps on your own to start with or perhaps as a couple so you can truly explain how you feel and how these things affect you. From yesterday when a magic wand would take you back in time to today when he isn’t so bad, well there is confusion. There is also a great deal of historical resentment and unexplained feelings that maybe would be good if they are explored in an environment where you feel safe and there is no agenda. This situation is stressful and thats not good for your health either. You need to look after yourself and not feel anxious.
The positives are, too be fair, just things couples in a "normal" relationship would do.
Here's my coin on the table for what its worth.
Relationship
He has distanced from me...there has been no intimacy for years which l put down to his age (60s).
He is irritable a lot. Just a negative person.
i dont know what to do or how to deal with the fact the man l thought l knew really is a stranger who has a big health threatening problem
All l know is i feel like ive been living and loving someone l dont know at all but thought l did.
I feel utterly alone and frightened.
The person who is meant to be my rock is no more than a hollow shell...who is putting me in a position where l have to cope alone.
I told him my trust in him is shattered
he had debts l found out by accident about not long after we began living together. I found porn on his laptop which he denied until l showed him the browsing history and he had no choice but to admit....its one discovery after another.
This of course doesn't mean that l believe ive misjudged him or that this is settled in my mind...far from it.
I guess l got what l deserved.
I cannot save him.
But it was the secrecy about it that unsettled me.
he has got lying down to a find art.
Rock and hard place 😞
Alcohol
When i try to discuss it..he gets defensive and tells me to stop going on about it. He says he had a little problem with worry and sleeplessness and was dealing with it on his own because every time he mentions his daughter l am always negative about her and make him feel worse.
He normally drinks Jack D but said he had gone off it in favour of vodka. So l bought a bottle of jack d and a bottle of vodka (as a test i suppose)and guess which one he opened???? To say he had gone off it the week before, he soon favoured it again. Vodka is easier to hide...
Good grief..as I am writing this i am amazed at my stupidity as I didn't question any further. How stupid am i? He obviously poured it away for effect! I even asked my neighbours if it was theirs the following day!!!!!
Daughter
His daughter is a sore point in our life as she has brought so many problems our way over the years
His daughter and l dont get get on (in fact he and his daughter dont get on!
Positives
He prepares dinner each day
He walks our dog
He cleans the whole house
He looked after me when l was ill
He pays the mortgage.
He isn't violent, he doesn't get drunk, he doesn't vomit everywhere or wet the bed
so why worry too much about it? If/when it becomes 'bad' i will address it.
All of the above are your words. It would perhaps be really good to unravel this knot of emotions, feelings and unvented anger. A counselor would be a start to get this out in the open and explored.
Perhaps on your own to start with or perhaps as a couple so you can truly explain how you feel and how these things affect you. From yesterday when a magic wand would take you back in time to today when he isn’t so bad, well there is confusion. There is also a great deal of historical resentment and unexplained feelings that maybe would be good if they are explored in an environment where you feel safe and there is no agenda. This situation is stressful and thats not good for your health either. You need to look after yourself and not feel anxious.
The positives are, too be fair, just things couples in a "normal" relationship would do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by soberista
Firstly it doesnt matter to us the what you decide. Either way you will be wholeheartedly supported with love.
Here's my coin on the table for what its worth.
Relationship
He has distanced from me...there has been no intimacy for years which l put down to his age (60s).
He is irritable a lot. Just a negative person.
i dont know what to do or how to deal with the fact the man l thought l knew really is a stranger who has a big health threatening problem
All l know is i feel like ive been living and loving someone l dont know at all but thought l did.
I feel utterly alone and frightened.
The person who is meant to be my rock is no more than a hollow shell...who is putting me in a position where l have to cope alone.
I told him my trust in him is shattered
he had debts l found out by accident about not long after we began living together. I found porn on his laptop which he denied until l showed him the browsing history and he had no choice but to admit....its one discovery after another.
This of course doesn't mean that l believe ive misjudged him or that this is settled in my mind...far from it.
I guess l got what l deserved.
I cannot save him.
But it was the secrecy about it that unsettled me.
he has got lying down to a find art.
Rock and hard place 😞
Alcohol
When i try to discuss it..he gets defensive and tells me to stop going on about it. He says he had a little problem with worry and sleeplessness and was dealing with it on his own because every time he mentions his daughter l am always negative about her and make him feel worse.
He normally drinks Jack D but said he had gone off it in favour of vodka. So l bought a bottle of jack d and a bottle of vodka (as a test i suppose)and guess which one he opened???? To say he had gone off it the week before, he soon favoured it again. Vodka is easier to hide...
Good grief..as I am writing this i am amazed at my stupidity as I didn't question any further. How stupid am i? He obviously poured it away for effect! I even asked my neighbours if it was theirs the following day!!!!!
Daughter
His daughter is a sore point in our life as she has brought so many problems our way over the years
His daughter and l dont get get on (in fact he and his daughter dont get on!
Positives
He prepares dinner each day
He walks our dog
He cleans the whole house
He looked after me when l was ill
He pays the mortgage.
He isn't violent, he doesn't get drunk, he doesn't vomit everywhere or wet the bed
so why worry too much about it? If/when it becomes 'bad' i will address it.
All of the above are your words. It would perhaps be really good to unravel this knot of emotions, feelings and unvented anger. A counselor would be a start to get this out in the open and explored.
Perhaps on your own to start with or perhaps as a couple so you can truly explain how you feel and how these things affect you. From yesterday when a magic wand would take you back in time to today when he isn’t so bad, well there is confusion. There is also a great deal of historical resentment and unexplained feelings that maybe would be good if they are explored in an environment where you feel safe and there is no agenda. This situation is stressful and thats not good for your health either. You need to look after yourself and not feel anxious.
The positives are, too be fair, just things couples in a "normal" relationship would do.
Here's my coin on the table for what its worth.
Relationship
He has distanced from me...there has been no intimacy for years which l put down to his age (60s).
He is irritable a lot. Just a negative person.
i dont know what to do or how to deal with the fact the man l thought l knew really is a stranger who has a big health threatening problem
All l know is i feel like ive been living and loving someone l dont know at all but thought l did.
I feel utterly alone and frightened.
The person who is meant to be my rock is no more than a hollow shell...who is putting me in a position where l have to cope alone.
I told him my trust in him is shattered
he had debts l found out by accident about not long after we began living together. I found porn on his laptop which he denied until l showed him the browsing history and he had no choice but to admit....its one discovery after another.
This of course doesn't mean that l believe ive misjudged him or that this is settled in my mind...far from it.
I guess l got what l deserved.
I cannot save him.
But it was the secrecy about it that unsettled me.
he has got lying down to a find art.
Rock and hard place 😞
Alcohol
When i try to discuss it..he gets defensive and tells me to stop going on about it. He says he had a little problem with worry and sleeplessness and was dealing with it on his own because every time he mentions his daughter l am always negative about her and make him feel worse.
He normally drinks Jack D but said he had gone off it in favour of vodka. So l bought a bottle of jack d and a bottle of vodka (as a test i suppose)and guess which one he opened???? To say he had gone off it the week before, he soon favoured it again. Vodka is easier to hide...
Good grief..as I am writing this i am amazed at my stupidity as I didn't question any further. How stupid am i? He obviously poured it away for effect! I even asked my neighbours if it was theirs the following day!!!!!
Daughter
His daughter is a sore point in our life as she has brought so many problems our way over the years
His daughter and l dont get get on (in fact he and his daughter dont get on!
Positives
He prepares dinner each day
He walks our dog
He cleans the whole house
He looked after me when l was ill
He pays the mortgage.
He isn't violent, he doesn't get drunk, he doesn't vomit everywhere or wet the bed
so why worry too much about it? If/when it becomes 'bad' i will address it.
All of the above are your words. It would perhaps be really good to unravel this knot of emotions, feelings and unvented anger. A counselor would be a start to get this out in the open and explored.
Perhaps on your own to start with or perhaps as a couple so you can truly explain how you feel and how these things affect you. From yesterday when a magic wand would take you back in time to today when he isn’t so bad, well there is confusion. There is also a great deal of historical resentment and unexplained feelings that maybe would be good if they are explored in an environment where you feel safe and there is no agenda. This situation is stressful and thats not good for your health either. You need to look after yourself and not feel anxious.
The positives are, too be fair, just things couples in a "normal" relationship would do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Absolutely. The thing is, from my own experience, I struggle with intimacy with others and also self care. I had a narcissistic mother, some early childhood trauma and, as a consequence, have spent my life trying to get to the bottom of how I feel about things and then learning not to carry them as hand luggage but put them into the "hold" on this, the journey that is my life. My relationship with my children has, at times, been spent with me running round trying to be their rescuer (google drama triangle) instead of actually saying stand up for yourselves and grow up. I am addressing that now with them.
Its involved work on my part, its involved getting sober, going to a counselor, putting my bag in order. If my partner had decided to leave personally I wouldnt have blamed him (I am a 52 year old female by the way). I have been married and divorced and this is my second relationship of any standing. All the things you talk about with regards P I can see them reflected in myself. I am not telling you to leave him. Inside all of that chaos that is P's life is a man who needs help. But be sure...he has to want to get help and make some serious changes for him to A) stop drinking and B) put his life in order. He may not do that. He may think its too big a hill to climb or why should he....too long in the tooth. He may be so guilt ridden and ashamed at all the lies he has told that to reveal who he really is mortifying. This life you have created - he doesnt want you to see who he really is.
However ultimately you also have to decide is what you want for your life ....this.
In one way or another Ive been P.
Its involved work on my part, its involved getting sober, going to a counselor, putting my bag in order. If my partner had decided to leave personally I wouldnt have blamed him (I am a 52 year old female by the way). I have been married and divorced and this is my second relationship of any standing. All the things you talk about with regards P I can see them reflected in myself. I am not telling you to leave him. Inside all of that chaos that is P's life is a man who needs help. But be sure...he has to want to get help and make some serious changes for him to A) stop drinking and B) put his life in order. He may not do that. He may think its too big a hill to climb or why should he....too long in the tooth. He may be so guilt ridden and ashamed at all the lies he has told that to reveal who he really is mortifying. This life you have created - he doesnt want you to see who he really is.
However ultimately you also have to decide is what you want for your life ....this.
In one way or another Ive been P.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Awal, you get to decide what is unacceptable in your relationship. None of us here have to walk in your shoes.
All any of us are saying is that you can either accept him for who he is right now--lying and lack of intimacy and all the rest--or you can figure out how to move on in your life without him. The only thing that isn't an option for you is making him change.
We will support you whatever you choose to do.
All any of us are saying is that you can either accept him for who he is right now--lying and lack of intimacy and all the rest--or you can figure out how to move on in your life without him. The only thing that isn't an option for you is making him change.
We will support you whatever you choose to do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Going back to your first post, about 7 years ago I found an empty brandy bottle in his work bag. A couple years later when you went to pour yourself a vodka and tonic you discovered the vodka was actually water. Then you found a half a bottle of vodka hidden on a top shelf. Then last week you found a hidden glass half filled with booze. You ended your post with “should I be as concerned as I am?” and when you were faced with some answers of reality you didn’t want to jump to the worst conclusion and today you find that it’s not really that bad for you, and that’s ok to. As long as you are becoming educated on alcoholism and it’s progression because that’s the only direction it goes in without treatment. But you also should resolve any resentments you have towards his need to hide his habit and accept that this is how life will be. In al-anon it’s called “detaching with love” meaning to detach from the drinking and the drinking behavior like the hiding of his bottles but not necessarily detach from the alcoholic. I believe that is what is going to be key for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by atalose
Going back to your first post, about 7 years ago I found an empty brandy bottle in his work bag. A couple years later when you went to pour yourself a vodka and tonic you discovered the vodka was actually water. Then you found a half a bottle of vodka hidden on a top shelf. Then last week you found a hidden glass half filled with booze. You ended your post with “should I be as concerned as I am?” and when you were faced with some answers of reality you didn’t want to jump to the worst conclusion and today you find that it’s not really that bad for you, and that’s ok to. As long as you are becoming educated on alcoholism and it’s progression because that’s the only direction it goes in without treatment. But you also should resolve any resentments you have towards his need to hide his habit and accept that this is how life will be. In al-anon it’s called “detaching with love” meaning to detach from the drinking and the drinking behavior like the hiding of his bottles but not necessarily detach from the alcoholic. I believe that is what is going to be key for you.
So bear with me if I'm all over the place.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I know i sound contrary. But I've been going through the whole range of emotions from shock to hurt to anger to pity to realism to fear to trying to understand to trying to be fair to him as he isn't here to speak for himself.
So bear with me if I'm all over the place.
So bear with me if I'm all over the place.
I attend al-anon with many people who stayed with their qualifier despite the ongoing drinking and A behaviors. They learned to detach from it and as they say, stay on their own side of the road. I also know many who eventually left their qualifiers when healing themselves was no longer possible while remaining in that situation.
The best part is that you did reach out and no longer are alone with this struggle.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Awal, I just want to give you a big *HUG*
Of course your emotions are all over the place. We understand that. We are all either going through the same thing or have been through it at some point. It's a really rough spot to be in.
For me, the hardest hurdle was the lack of trust I had towards my alcoholic. He was so deceptive about everything, most especially alcohol, but other important things as well, like finances, and also about stupid little things that he didn't need to hide or lie about.. it was insane! Ultimately, for me, I couldn't stay with a man I could not trust. That didn't feel right, healthy or safe for me.
I hope you find some clarity and peace soon. I remember how chaotic it felt, I am sorry you are experiencing this.
Of course your emotions are all over the place. We understand that. We are all either going through the same thing or have been through it at some point. It's a really rough spot to be in.
For me, the hardest hurdle was the lack of trust I had towards my alcoholic. He was so deceptive about everything, most especially alcohol, but other important things as well, like finances, and also about stupid little things that he didn't need to hide or lie about.. it was insane! Ultimately, for me, I couldn't stay with a man I could not trust. That didn't feel right, healthy or safe for me.
I hope you find some clarity and peace soon. I remember how chaotic it felt, I am sorry you are experiencing this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
Awal, I just want to give you a big *HUG*
Of course your emotions are all over the place. We understand that. We are all either going through the same thing or have been through it at some point. It's a really rough spot to be in.
For me, the hardest hurdle was the lack of trust I had towards my alcoholic. He was so deceptive about everything, most especially alcohol, but other important things as well, like finances, and also about stupid little things that he didn't need to hide or lie about.. it was insane! Ultimately, for me, I couldn't stay with a man I could not trust. That didn't feel right, healthy or safe for me.
I hope you find some clarity and peace soon. I remember how chaotic it felt, I am sorry you are experiencing this.
Of course your emotions are all over the place. We understand that. We are all either going through the same thing or have been through it at some point. It's a really rough spot to be in.
For me, the hardest hurdle was the lack of trust I had towards my alcoholic. He was so deceptive about everything, most especially alcohol, but other important things as well, like finances, and also about stupid little things that he didn't need to hide or lie about.. it was insane! Ultimately, for me, I couldn't stay with a man I could not trust. That didn't feel right, healthy or safe for me.
I hope you find some clarity and peace soon. I remember how chaotic it felt, I am sorry you are experiencing this.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,546
Originally Posted by Awal
He doesn't appear to be under the influence and only drinks in moderation when I'm around.
The night my father had a DUI, he blew a .12. As far as anyone around him knew, he had one cocktail before dinner, and one beer with it, over the course of about two hours. Obviously, somehow, he consumed more. An no, no one thought he was at all impaired.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by atalose
Going back to your first post, about 7 years ago I found an empty brandy bottle in his work bag. A couple years later when you went to pour yourself a vodka and tonic you discovered the vodka was actually water. Then you found a half a bottle of vodka hidden on a top shelf. Then last week you found a hidden glass half filled with booze. You ended your post with “should I be as concerned as I am?” and when you were faced with some answers of reality you didn’t want to jump to the worst conclusion and today you find that it’s not really that bad for you, and that’s ok to. As long as you are becoming educated on alcoholism and it’s progression because that’s the only direction it goes in without treatment. But you also should resolve any resentments you have towards his need to hide his habit and accept that this is how life will be. In al-anon it’s called “detaching with love” meaning to detach from the drinking and the drinking behavior like the hiding of his bottles but not necessarily detach from the alcoholic. I believe that is what is going to be key for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Awal…..maybe, you could give it another name, in your own mind....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
About the "silly names"
Originally Posted by dandylion
Awal…..maybe, you could give it another name, in your own mind....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
Originally Posted by Awal
So irritating how these self help groups give silly names to things i.e. "detaching with love" . Instead of trying to pretty it up why not just say ignore the sneakiness lies and bad habits and treat the AH like there's nothing wrong..in other words pretend it isn't happening in your own mind and let them get on with it. ��
I think, eventually (or early on for some) detaching comes naturally. I don't see it as ignoring or denying, its about acceptance of the situation as it is. I see it as a tool to use, again, probably naturally. You know what you know, how you deal with that, is your choice.
If a person continues to stay in a situation that is chaotic, unmanageable, even irrational to them, how do you cope if you don't detach? Short of staying "all-in" and driving yourself crazy.
So the other alternative is to try to fix all that is wrong with the relationship. Well that's pretty impossible unless the person wants to get professional help and even then, it will probably take some time to see the result of that.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Just piping up, my father chose to stay with my alcoholic mother. Many people probably thought he should take us and go, including me when I begged him to from about 14-16, roughly (the insanity and CHAOS, a notable word mentioned several times above in our home began when I was 11).
I won't go into all the details that I now see about why he stayed, but we did recover as a family....ventually, and for the most part. I truly believe it took the passage of a lot of time (I am 42 and 2.5 years sober last week) and my extreme alcoholism and now recovery to get us to where we are now.
We can all have our thougs on your situation, but not being in it, sending compassion and support is what I can do. Clarity is tough, personal, and a process for anyone in an alcoholic relationship.
I won't go into all the details that I now see about why he stayed, but we did recover as a family....ventually, and for the most part. I truly believe it took the passage of a lot of time (I am 42 and 2.5 years sober last week) and my extreme alcoholism and now recovery to get us to where we are now.
We can all have our thougs on your situation, but not being in it, sending compassion and support is what I can do. Clarity is tough, personal, and a process for anyone in an alcoholic relationship.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by dandylion
Awal…..maybe, you could give it another name, in your own mind....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
Personally, I am not especially fond of the term "co-dependency"...although I think I understand what it means....I prefer to think of it as "a lack of relationship with one's own self"..…..
Maybe, you could think of it (detaching with love)….as simply "distancing yourself from the action"....
Whatever you call it...it is hard...really Hard to do! Furthermore, I think that the first struggle is to just detach....the "love" part generally comes, later, if it comes at all....
I think it is even harder, if one is still in close proximity to the alcoholic.....
For those who are interacting, closely, with an alcoholic, every day...it is a tool...a tool to help you to try to preserve your own sanity.....
lol...maybe, someone could write a book called "Translation of Psychobabble to Plain English"......it would probably be a best seller.....
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