Working on your self anxiety...
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Working on your self anxiety...
Hi,
I have something I wanted to ask about, and I know some of you will relate or share your thoughts. I'm "working" on myself at the moment, going to therapy, reading books, YouTube videos, journaling, going to gym, walking, meditating( early stages of this) etc, as I've recently learned I'm codependent. I have moments of feeling enlightened, moments of sadness, anger, despair the whole range of emotions. So what I'm noticing is, if I'm not reading or researching or watching videos, meditations or whatever it is, I start to feel anxious, almost guilty that I'm not working on myself. It's almost a fear that I'll forget what I've learned or I'm slacking off! I suppose now that I'm writing this out, im realising it's probably another form of being hard on myself and maybe to just relax and if I feel like taking a break from it all, it's ok. I have a tendency to intellectualising things and to try and understand it all, my therapist says this can be a way of detaching from our emotions, and melody beattie says it too in her book, another form of obsessing to take focus off of our emotions to control something. What if I miss something in that book, haven't time to read them all, I have many on loan from library just now. When you are working on yourself, is a few minutes in the morning enough, should it be throughout the day every day, or whenever I feel like it. I feel anxious even writing this so it's probably a sign to, go inside and breath. Maybe I need to work on working on myself lol. Can you relate?
I have something I wanted to ask about, and I know some of you will relate or share your thoughts. I'm "working" on myself at the moment, going to therapy, reading books, YouTube videos, journaling, going to gym, walking, meditating( early stages of this) etc, as I've recently learned I'm codependent. I have moments of feeling enlightened, moments of sadness, anger, despair the whole range of emotions. So what I'm noticing is, if I'm not reading or researching or watching videos, meditations or whatever it is, I start to feel anxious, almost guilty that I'm not working on myself. It's almost a fear that I'll forget what I've learned or I'm slacking off! I suppose now that I'm writing this out, im realising it's probably another form of being hard on myself and maybe to just relax and if I feel like taking a break from it all, it's ok. I have a tendency to intellectualising things and to try and understand it all, my therapist says this can be a way of detaching from our emotions, and melody beattie says it too in her book, another form of obsessing to take focus off of our emotions to control something. What if I miss something in that book, haven't time to read them all, I have many on loan from library just now. When you are working on yourself, is a few minutes in the morning enough, should it be throughout the day every day, or whenever I feel like it. I feel anxious even writing this so it's probably a sign to, go inside and breath. Maybe I need to work on working on myself lol. Can you relate?
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99 
I have a tendency to intellectualising things and to try and understand it all, my therapist says this can be a way of detaching from our emotions, and melody beattie says it too in her book, another form of obsessing to take focus off of our emotions to control something.
I would ask why, and my sponsor said the why wasn't important, rather "what am I going to do about it now" was. I know I can get obsessed with just about anything, and I need to feel what I'm feeling instead of doing what I think I need to be doing.
One of the hardest things for me to do was sit in a room with no distractions, and just feel what I am feeling. I didn't want to deal with that.
Deep breaths. Take time for yourself, maybe a warm bubble bath with candles or a walk in nature? Sending you hugs of support!
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LOL - Glen, do you consider yourself a Perfectionist? Sounds like you're trying to do recovery perfectly - sort of like a checklist of if-this-then-that.
This is another Super Codie trait - maybe it's worth looking into dropping that habit first, to make the rest of it easier?
This is another Super Codie trait - maybe it's worth looking into dropping that habit first, to make the rest of it easier?
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
LOL - Glen, do you consider yourself a Perfectionist? Sounds like you're trying to do recovery perfectly - sort of like a checklist of if-this-then-that.
This is another Super Codie trait - maybe it's worth looking into dropping that habit first, to make the rest of it easier?
This is another Super Codie trait - maybe it's worth looking into dropping that habit first, to make the rest of it easier?
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Oh my gosh I was the great analyst early in recovery! The problem was I stayed in my head for so long so that, as your therapist and Beatty both confirm, it is obsessing and keeping us from feeling our emotions.
I would ask why, and my sponsor said the why wasn't important, rather "what am I going to do about it now" was. I know I can get obsessed with just about anything, and I need to feel what I'm feeling instead of doing what I think I need to be doing.
One of the hardest things for me to do was sit in a room with no distractions, and just feel what I am feeling. I didn't want to deal with that.
Deep breaths. Take time for yourself, maybe a warm bubble bath with candles or a walk in nature? Sending you hugs of support!
I would ask why, and my sponsor said the why wasn't important, rather "what am I going to do about it now" was. I know I can get obsessed with just about anything, and I need to feel what I'm feeling instead of doing what I think I need to be doing.
One of the hardest things for me to do was sit in a room with no distractions, and just feel what I am feeling. I didn't want to deal with that.
Deep breaths. Take time for yourself, maybe a warm bubble bath with candles or a walk in nature? Sending you hugs of support!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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I have a couple of thoughts. The first is from my own experience as I found myself in a traumatic situation with my husband. I didn't know how to handle it, and was also learning a lot of new information about addiction, treatments, behaviors and such. I had a lot of resources and info and it was all mind boggling so I focused on it a great deal in the beginning. My therapist basically said that the brain can really only take so much in at a time and process it. It takes some reflection and re-thinking on things even after that initial intake of info... so I wonder if to some degree this could be what your feeling? A normal initial response. You sound excited to learn.
The other thing, and I suggest looking at your own tendencies' - from my experience codependents often jump in and look for something to fix them, meet their immediate needs - a partner, a friend, a program, a book. The Tell me what to do and I will do it ! Im all In ! Too much of anything can be unhealthy, and create a dependence or addiction.
I think life is about balance. Enjoy the journey, smell the roses, and know its ok to sit with some pain and discomfort at the same time .
The other thing, and I suggest looking at your own tendencies' - from my experience codependents often jump in and look for something to fix them, meet their immediate needs - a partner, a friend, a program, a book. The Tell me what to do and I will do it ! Im all In ! Too much of anything can be unhealthy, and create a dependence or addiction.
I think life is about balance. Enjoy the journey, smell the roses, and know its ok to sit with some pain and discomfort at the same time .
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Originally Posted by aliciagr
I have a couple of thoughts. The first is from my own experience as I found myself in a traumatic situation with my husband. I didn't know how to handle it, and was also learning a lot of new information about addiction, treatments, behaviors and such. I had a lot of resources and info and it was all mind boggling so I focused on it a great deal in the beginning. My therapist basically said that the brain can really only take so much in at a time and process it. It takes some reflection and re-thinking on things even after that initial intake of info... so I wonder if to some degree this could be what your feeling? A normal initial response. You sound excited to learn.
The other thing, and I suggest looking at your own tendencies' - from my experience codependents often jump in and look for something to fix them, meet their immediate needs - a partner, a friend, a program, a book. The Tell me what to do and I will do it ! Im all In ! Too much of anything can be unhealthy, and create a dependence or addiction.
I think life is about balance. Enjoy the journey, smell the roses, and know its ok to sit with some pain and discomfort at the same time .
The other thing, and I suggest looking at your own tendencies' - from my experience codependents often jump in and look for something to fix them, meet their immediate needs - a partner, a friend, a program, a book. The Tell me what to do and I will do it ! Im all In ! Too much of anything can be unhealthy, and create a dependence or addiction.
I think life is about balance. Enjoy the journey, smell the roses, and know its ok to sit with some pain and discomfort at the same time .
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I do have times where I feel very anxious or down as soon as I sit down and give myself a break. In the past I tried to keep busy to avoid those feelings (and I also drank to avoid them).
But now I know that every once in a while I need to face them and just "sit with my feelings" for a while, allowing them to be there and to experience them without judging them. And then they usually disappear again. If they keep coming back it's often a sign that there's something I haven't looked at yet.
So maybe something very simple can help you like making yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate or whatever is comforting for you, light a nice candle and just sit in a safe and calm environment and allow yourself to feel the anxiety and see what other emotions are coming up. That's what often helps me.
But now I know that every once in a while I need to face them and just "sit with my feelings" for a while, allowing them to be there and to experience them without judging them. And then they usually disappear again. If they keep coming back it's often a sign that there's something I haven't looked at yet.
So maybe something very simple can help you like making yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate or whatever is comforting for you, light a nice candle and just sit in a safe and calm environment and allow yourself to feel the anxiety and see what other emotions are coming up. That's what often helps me.
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Originally Posted by kevlarsjal2
I do have times where I feel very anxious or down as soon as I sit down and give myself a break. In the past I tried to keep busy to avoid those feelings (and I also drank to avoid them).
But now I know that every once in a while I need to face them and just "sit with my feelings" for a while, allowing them to be there and to experience them without judging them. And then they usually disappear again. If they keep coming back it's often a sign that there's something I haven't looked at yet.
So maybe something very simple can help you like making yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate or whatever is comforting for you, light a nice candle and just sit in a safe and calm environment and allow yourself to feel the anxiety and see what other emotions are coming up. That's what often helps me.
But now I know that every once in a while I need to face them and just "sit with my feelings" for a while, allowing them to be there and to experience them without judging them. And then they usually disappear again. If they keep coming back it's often a sign that there's something I haven't looked at yet.
So maybe something very simple can help you like making yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate or whatever is comforting for you, light a nice candle and just sit in a safe and calm environment and allow yourself to feel the anxiety and see what other emotions are coming up. That's what often helps me.
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Absolutely and sometimes that's not a bad thing. Distraction is sometimes helpful, but it certainly doesn't have to be just working on yourself, maybe while walking listen to some music too.
Balance, watch some movies or whatever it is you like to do. The thing is, it doesn't help to wallow in the pain so if we take a break from that (even for days or hours) that's not necessarily a bad thing. We can get stuck in ruminating if we don't distract ourselves.
Chopping carrots is not a good distraction and you can start rumination. I see the initial part of working towards feeling better is to spend a lot of time in distraction, training your thoughts to think outward.
Anyway, yes, at some point you have to work through feelings, initially it can be tough.
Balance, watch some movies or whatever it is you like to do. The thing is, it doesn't help to wallow in the pain so if we take a break from that (even for days or hours) that's not necessarily a bad thing. We can get stuck in ruminating if we don't distract ourselves.
Chopping carrots is not a good distraction and you can start rumination. I see the initial part of working towards feeling better is to spend a lot of time in distraction, training your thoughts to think outward.
Anyway, yes, at some point you have to work through feelings, initially it can be tough.
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glenjo….I think that, for those of us who tend to intellectualize or get stuck in our heads....a good way to get a respite, is, to act it out in a physical way....to use our bodies.....Like, for example, in dance--it is impossible to ruminate while dancing...lol...it engages a totally different part of the brain....
anything that requires focused co-ordination of body parts....
herding cats is an other good one...lol....
Maybe, sign up for some ethnic dance classes....
You might also like gymnastics or karate....
anything that requires focused co-ordination of body parts....
herding cats is an other good one...lol....
Maybe, sign up for some ethnic dance classes....
You might also like gymnastics or karate....
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
I need to feel what I'm feeling instead of doing what I think I need to be doing.
One of the hardest things for me to do was sit in a room with no distractions, and just feel what I am feeling. I didn't want to deal with that.
Deep breaths. Take time for yourself, maybe a warm bubble bath with candles or a walk in nature? Sending you hugs of support!
One of the hardest things for me to do was sit in a room with no distractions, and just feel what I am feeling. I didn't want to deal with that.
Deep breaths. Take time for yourself, maybe a warm bubble bath with candles or a walk in nature? Sending you hugs of support!
I found this older thread and this quote seems to be a key for me, in this moment. Allowing the time needed for meditation and "sitting with" whatever arises. Giving extra space for deep inner feelings to be known.
Over the course of my healing my anxieties are gone. There's this "trauma ball" being chipped away. Layers of healing.
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I read this the other day after a meditation...
“The goal isn’t to control your thoughts. The goal is not to have a goal.”
I laughed out loud.
I’ve been meditating for six months and what I struggle with is whether I’m doing it RIGHT. I think I’m messing it up because my mind wanders or I’m distracted by something, even though the nice Headspace guy is very clear that’s part of the process.
There are no gold stars or grades in self-care. And even if I am doing it “wrong,” if I skip a day or two I definitely notice.
Be gentle with yourself, yes?
Wishing you peace.
“The goal isn’t to control your thoughts. The goal is not to have a goal.”
I laughed out loud.
I’ve been meditating for six months and what I struggle with is whether I’m doing it RIGHT. I think I’m messing it up because my mind wanders or I’m distracted by something, even though the nice Headspace guy is very clear that’s part of the process.
There are no gold stars or grades in self-care. And even if I am doing it “wrong,” if I skip a day or two I definitely notice.
Be gentle with yourself, yes?
Wishing you peace.
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Glenjo, I relate to this. I am one of those people mentioned above who look for an immediate fix like a book or a video to help me and to tell me how to fix my life so to speak. I have been noticing lately that my codependency is not just with my qualifier but in other areas of my life. Co workers, family etc. It can be very overwhelming and at times I find myself obsessing over it. While it is good to self reflect and look for tools to help us overcome our codependency, I think it is also important for us to give ourselves a mental break from time to time. Focus on progress not perfection. Keep on keeping on one step at a time!
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Originally Posted by suncatcher
Glenjo, I relate to this. I am one of those people mentioned above who look for an immediate fix like a book or a video to help me and to tell me how to fix my life so to speak. I have been noticing lately that my codependency is not just with my qualifier but in other areas of my life. Co workers, family etc. It can be very overwhelming and at times I find myself obsessing over it. While it is good to self reflect and look for tools to help us overcome our codependency, I think it is also important for us to give ourselves a mental break from time to time. Focus on progress not perfection. Keep on keeping on one step at a time!
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i've had sleep issues for a long, long time. a few years ago i got really focused (over??) on my sleep. i had a fitbit that would "record" my activity at nite and while it DID confirm that yes, i'm almost NEVER really asleep, it also exacerabated my "concern" about sleep. i started sending myself emails each time i woke - to confirm that i wasn't making it up. i even went to the dr to see about a sleep study.
my rambling point is that the more attention i threw at the problem, the worse the problem got. i was tired, exhausted really, drained, you name it. til i finally got TIRED of worrying about my damn sleep issues. i had proof they were a thing. yes i could have taken the one sleep med that did work for me and not make me a zombie (the one that starts with Am....) but it wasn't covered by my insurance and would have cost 60 bucks a pop.
so i just quit worrying about it. i'd sleep when i could, nap a lot on the weekend, and just learned to live WITH it, instead of trying to exorcise it from my life.
recently my sleep pattern has returned to a more disruptive state. and i started to get a wee bit overly focused on it again. one night not long ago i did the email thing to myself again. it wasn't pretty. then i caught myself - asked myself, ok what exactly did you prove there, except what you already knew which is that you wake up at night? a lot? and sometimes never really get fully back to sleep after about 2 or 2:30?? once i let that go AGAIN, i found i was having some longer sleep periods at night. i even needed the alarm to wake me up, at 4:30. which means that between 2 and 4:30 i DID fall back to sleep.
anxiety, like sleep, isn't something that has an immediate long term FIX. somehow we have to just learn how to live WITH the condition, for now. accept that it is what it is, for now. take a gentler approach. nudge instead of push.
my rambling point is that the more attention i threw at the problem, the worse the problem got. i was tired, exhausted really, drained, you name it. til i finally got TIRED of worrying about my damn sleep issues. i had proof they were a thing. yes i could have taken the one sleep med that did work for me and not make me a zombie (the one that starts with Am....) but it wasn't covered by my insurance and would have cost 60 bucks a pop.
so i just quit worrying about it. i'd sleep when i could, nap a lot on the weekend, and just learned to live WITH it, instead of trying to exorcise it from my life.
recently my sleep pattern has returned to a more disruptive state. and i started to get a wee bit overly focused on it again. one night not long ago i did the email thing to myself again. it wasn't pretty. then i caught myself - asked myself, ok what exactly did you prove there, except what you already knew which is that you wake up at night? a lot? and sometimes never really get fully back to sleep after about 2 or 2:30?? once i let that go AGAIN, i found i was having some longer sleep periods at night. i even needed the alarm to wake me up, at 4:30. which means that between 2 and 4:30 i DID fall back to sleep.
anxiety, like sleep, isn't something that has an immediate long term FIX. somehow we have to just learn how to live WITH the condition, for now. accept that it is what it is, for now. take a gentler approach. nudge instead of push.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
i've had sleep issues for a long, long time. a few years ago i got really focused (over??) on my sleep. i had a fitbit that would "record" my activity at nite and while it DID confirm that yes, i'm almost NEVER really asleep, it also exacerabated my "concern" about sleep. i started sending myself emails each time i woke - to confirm that i wasn't making it up. i even went to the dr to see about a sleep study.
my rambling point is that the more attention i threw at the problem, the worse the problem got. i was tired, exhausted really, drained, you name it. til i finally got TIRED of worrying about my damn sleep issues. i had proof they were a thing. yes i could have taken the one sleep med that did work for me and not make me a zombie (the one that starts with Am....) but it wasn't covered by my insurance and would have cost 60 bucks a pop.
so i just quit worrying about it. i'd sleep when i could, nap a lot on the weekend, and just learned to live WITH it, instead of trying to exorcise it from my life.
recently my sleep pattern has returned to a more disruptive state. and i started to get a wee bit overly focused on it again. one night not long ago i did the email thing to myself again. it wasn't pretty. then i caught myself - asked myself, ok what exactly did you prove there, except what you already knew which is that you wake up at night? a lot? and sometimes never really get fully back to sleep after about 2 or 2:30?? once i let that go AGAIN, i found i was having some longer sleep periods at night. i even needed the alarm to wake me up, at 4:30. which means that between 2 and 4:30 i DID fall back to sleep.
anxiety, like sleep, isn't something that has an immediate long term FIX. somehow we have to just learn how to live WITH the condition, for now. accept that it is what it is, for now. take a gentler approach. nudge instead of push.
my rambling point is that the more attention i threw at the problem, the worse the problem got. i was tired, exhausted really, drained, you name it. til i finally got TIRED of worrying about my damn sleep issues. i had proof they were a thing. yes i could have taken the one sleep med that did work for me and not make me a zombie (the one that starts with Am....) but it wasn't covered by my insurance and would have cost 60 bucks a pop.
so i just quit worrying about it. i'd sleep when i could, nap a lot on the weekend, and just learned to live WITH it, instead of trying to exorcise it from my life.
recently my sleep pattern has returned to a more disruptive state. and i started to get a wee bit overly focused on it again. one night not long ago i did the email thing to myself again. it wasn't pretty. then i caught myself - asked myself, ok what exactly did you prove there, except what you already knew which is that you wake up at night? a lot? and sometimes never really get fully back to sleep after about 2 or 2:30?? once i let that go AGAIN, i found i was having some longer sleep periods at night. i even needed the alarm to wake me up, at 4:30. which means that between 2 and 4:30 i DID fall back to sleep.
anxiety, like sleep, isn't something that has an immediate long term FIX. somehow we have to just learn how to live WITH the condition, for now. accept that it is what it is, for now. take a gentler approach. nudge instead of push.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
well....what about them stylish wrap around sunglasses that the, um, more mature people where? wide brim hat? help block out more sun?
and indoors, hell, throw up some christmas decorations! make it "feel" like wintertime! we really do react to visual cues....put up some fall/winter photos or posters. they make excellent focal points. maybe check out vinyl wall art - i have one decorative "tree" on one of my walls! trust me you don't need a lot of artsy skill AND you do not have to follow the instructions to the letter! i have some of the tree branches that appear to be coming down from the ceiling. every time i look at it i get two good feelings - 1) yeah i did that! and 2) what a pretty tree. just google Vinyl Wall Art Winter.......
breathe kiddo. put on the Yule Log and drink some hot cocoa!
and indoors, hell, throw up some christmas decorations! make it "feel" like wintertime! we really do react to visual cues....put up some fall/winter photos or posters. they make excellent focal points. maybe check out vinyl wall art - i have one decorative "tree" on one of my walls! trust me you don't need a lot of artsy skill AND you do not have to follow the instructions to the letter! i have some of the tree branches that appear to be coming down from the ceiling. every time i look at it i get two good feelings - 1) yeah i did that! and 2) what a pretty tree. just google Vinyl Wall Art Winter.......
breathe kiddo. put on the Yule Log and drink some hot cocoa!
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
Doing something for someone else helps me to get out of my head and takes the focus off my stuff. I took a friend to hospital this week to see the doctor about his asthma. Turned out it was much worse than asthma and he was offered a lung transplant. I had to translate that for him. It certainly put all my own worries to one side that day. And the next.
Can you get involved with a community garden or a food bank project? A charity shop? Do you have any ill or lonely friends or relatives you can visit?
Spending time doing service for others not only gives you a break from yourself, you can feel good about taking the break because you are spending the time very well, helping others. It also gives you an opportunity to practice all those new skills you are learning.
Recovery works in magical ways. It may feel like progress is very slow but you will suddenly look behind you one day and realise how far you have come.
Can you get involved with a community garden or a food bank project? A charity shop? Do you have any ill or lonely friends or relatives you can visit?
Spending time doing service for others not only gives you a break from yourself, you can feel good about taking the break because you are spending the time very well, helping others. It also gives you an opportunity to practice all those new skills you are learning.
Recovery works in magical ways. It may feel like progress is very slow but you will suddenly look behind you one day and realise how far you have come.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by Amaranth
Doing something for someone else helps me to get out of my head and takes the focus off my stuff. I took a friend to hospital this week to see the doctor about his asthma. Turned out it was much worse than asthma and he was offered a lung transplant. I had to translate that for him. It certainly put all my own worries to one side that day. And the next.
Can you get involved with a community garden or a food bank project? A charity shop? Do you have any ill or lonely friends or relatives you can visit?
Spending time doing service for others not only gives you a break from yourself, you can feel good about taking the break because you are spending the time very well, helping others. It also gives you an opportunity to practice all those new skills you are learning.
Recovery works in magical ways. It may feel like progress is very slow but you will suddenly look behind you one day and realise how far you have come.
Can you get involved with a community garden or a food bank project? A charity shop? Do you have any ill or lonely friends or relatives you can visit?
Spending time doing service for others not only gives you a break from yourself, you can feel good about taking the break because you are spending the time very well, helping others. It also gives you an opportunity to practice all those new skills you are learning.
Recovery works in magical ways. It may feel like progress is very slow but you will suddenly look behind you one day and realise how far you have come.
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