Seren

One thought occurred to me...does he know your work schedule? Could you tell him a false work schedule so that you could have some peace at home while he thinks you are at work?

Just an idea.....

BoxinRotz

I wish that would be a possibility Seren. Every single day I've left work since leaving, I turn my phone on to find 8-10 text messages. He's over-stepping boundaries n he just can't help himself.

Seren

Oh well, I tried! Lol!

Maybe get a burner phone for a few months and use that new, temp phone for everything else and let him blow up your current line ....

BoxinRotz

Because I don't want to deal with the courts. I don't want to pay thousands of dollars to an attorney because I got nothing. Do you understand? I got nothing!!!! If I block him He's not signing anything. He already signed once because I didn't block him. He wants hope that this will work out because he is in this for himself. He's losing a key component to the ease of his drinking. Why wouldn't he want to work this out?! I've hard balled him thus far and he threatened that he'll drag this out. He wants a promise that if he signs and we divorce that well keep trying n remarry. Ok baby. You divorce me first so we have a clean slate to work with and we'll date n see where it goes.

I've lived with his empty promises all of our marriage. So now he'll see what an empty promise to the future feels like when I get my divorce papers and he can't even reach me.

Is that unfair? No, not after everything hes done. He's done this to me for 7 years. Tell me he'll stop and pick back up months down the road. He's getting a taste of his own medicine and I'm getting him to sign my divorce under the guise that everything is gonna be ok because I said so. If you dont like it, I don't know what to tell you.

BoxinRotz

That's certainly a possibility.

BoxinRotz

Honeypig, I am doing the divorce myself. I don't have to go to court or pay an outrageous fee for this. We have a non contested divorce in PA where if both parties agree, we can have the marriage dissolved. Both parties have to work together to split everything or walk away from everything. I walked away and lost everything because he said I couldn't have certain things. I said ok. It was hard but I need this more than fighting him for what's right n what's fair. I left him completely whole and walked away with gaping wounds from the trauma, abuse and loss of property. My attorney who specializes in the non contested divorce deals with the courts on our behalf. It can be a wonderful thing as long as no one backs out and decides they don't want to move forward and begins to fight it. I paid nearly $300 for this with an additional $50 to keep my address hidden from him. I am required to serve him and have him sign 2 forms with the last one being notarized, which I'm paying for to keep him whole.

I could have gone after alimony n his pension a ling with equity in the home over the last 7 years but again... I WALKED AWAY FOR MY FREEDOM FROM HIS ALCOHELL! I don't want tied up in the courts but if he does decide to not go through, I'll have lost $300 and I'll be forced to hire my other attorney and I'll take him for everything he owns. It's easier for me to walk away n lick my wounds. Add on top of this that he is an incredibly self centered, manipulative man who can make my life miserable so why not play his game one last time and once he signs the divorce, essentially wiping both our slates clean like I've done for him hundreds of times, and deliver the final blow. He will see first hand what a broken promise to a good relationship feels like. I've never, ever hurt him. I stood by him when no one else did. It is one knife to his back that he's never felt. He'll get the eff over it like I've had to.

PuzzledHeart

Box, IMHO, the only way he's going to sign those papers is if he's convinced that is HIS absolutely best option. What I'm afraid of is that he may be toying with you, because non-contested is your ONLY option.

He knows that you desperately want this divorce. So he goes along with you, and since he knows he has you in a corner, and he taunts you with text messages, knowing that you'll read them because you feel like you have no choice, knowing that you're just WAITING for the day that he signs the papers because for you it just can't come fast enough. He may even read this forum if you've ever told him about it.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is do not underestimate the cruelty of your ex. MAYBE he really wants a second chance with you, but honestly, I think he's just trying to screw around with your brain, because he just that sick. Perhaps you should really explore the option of saving up for a contested divorce, just to add another weapon to your arsenal. Alimony and a chunk of his pension ain't a bad thing.

And if he's reading this forum, now he knows what I think of him.

OpheliaKatz

Agree with Puzzheart. So sorry you are dealing with outdated divorce laws. Don't underestimate him, Box.

BoxinRotz

Don't underestimate me either.

He was told that we will not move forward with this relationship until the divorce decrees are received.

He sent me a text this morning. You know what he asked me? He asked me if we could remarry in August of 2019?

So you tell me who the freaking idiot is?

SparkleKitty

It isn't surprising -- what he wants isn't actually what he asks for. He just wants you to engage. As long as he's getting that, the specifics of the things he says or asks are irrelevant.

I look forward to the day that this man is not in the driver's seat of your life, Box. You deserve so much better.

Clover71

I think you are amazing. You tried to go the "honest route" and it didn't work. Do what you have to do to find your peace

BoxinRotz

I just spent the last hour or so rereading all my threads started except the motorcycle accident. I've never gotten over that. I remember being so hopeful that he woukd sober up. And month after month, year after year, I was back here posting about how he went back. The hopefulness and dispair in those posts that I made, that I lived... it is sobering, no pun intended. The lies. The heart break that I went through, all for this man who was never serious about recovery. His recovery to save himself, never mind a marriage. A relationship. I was a good wife and partner to him and it was never enough and it will never be enough. I stood by him while he continually lied to me.

Rereading those post has affirmed, in me, that he will never, ever stay sober for himself, much less me.

He would never come here because he does not want recovery or anything that would suggest recovery. It's to much work for him.

So I have decided, before I blindside him after I get my divorce decree, that I will write down all my post of feeling hopeful for us and all my post of despair and how I lost. How he lost. How we lost. That will be my lasting words to him after he finds out that my number has changed and this is no more. I will start today. It will be sobering for him because it will be the only thing he has left of me. My word. My hopes. My dreams. Shattered.

BoxinRotz

He just sent me a text (paraphrasing) that he doesn't think I like talking about certain things because he was the only man to show me real intimacy.

Hold on while I laugh!!!

He is so full of himself. I've never met a man with such a HUGE ego. Never.

What's that saying? The bigger they are the harder they fall?

SparkleKitty

Whatever he has to say to get you to respond, he’ll try.