Having a conversation with his sponsor

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08-15-2018, 05:14 PM

# 21 (permalink)

CoParentToA

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Aug 2016

Posts: 193

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

I'd like to share my experience as a sponsor.

My life is based on step 1, that I am powerless over alcohol (and people), and that my life has become unmanageable.

I can carry the message. I can't carry the alcoholic.

I lead by example. That doesn't mean others will follow.

I carry no illusions that I have power over anyone else, including my sponsees.

I understand your concerns for your children. You have every right to be concerned.

If the sponsor has agreed, then talk to him. If he's worth his weight in gold, anything said between him and your EX stays between the two of them.

Sending you hugs of support.

Thank you, this gave excellent clarity and was very moving.

I want to grasp at every available straw to protect my children. It is unbelievably difficult to come to terms that I cannot.

08-15-2018, 05:15 PM

# 22 (permalink)

trailmix

Member

Join Date: Nov 2016

Posts: 8,628

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoParentToA

(It worked for a while, and then it all went to pot when she took a turn and started to vouch for the strength of his recovery and defend his decision to discontinue SoberLink. He relapsed immediately thereafter.)

And therein lies another problem. When you invite someone in to this part of your life you also run the risk of creating further problems.

You are saying I am part of this group and we are working together - therapist/exAH/you or sponsor/exAH/you, doesn't matter.

Right now your boundaries are very clear to him, by inviting a 3rd party you open the door to adding their opinion. Having a therapist didn't help, who is to say the non-therapist sponsor will be of any help? Now, he might be a fine upstanding and understanding person, I don't know, but he is no counsellor, he has no training and he is not on your side!

Again, it's an illusion of control. Do what you can, within your own power, that is my suggestion. If you can extend soberlink that is really the only course that will truly help, imo.