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Old 08-12-2018, 03:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Bad week I'm keeping on some questions for every one and update


Hi friends,
After I saw my therapist and had my a ha moment I'm codependent. I felt bad I went home Tuesday and slept until Saturday. No shower, no brushing of teeth. I called my mom throughout all this " she said for heavens sake over a drunk. Snap out of it.

I'm a pretty, nice girl. Why do I want to stink or not shower. It didn't help I caught a flat tire on Tuesday and the horn went on my vehicle along w 3 balding tires. So, I justified that as staying in. I did eat and implented NC. I'm in an apt I have to leave by 9/1. I'm trying to sell my furniture and do eBay I don't want these memories. I handled my vehicle yesterday, and a hot shower. I'm writing a book as writing is a hobby. I read 3 books while in a depression and my bible it wasn't all bad.

I have dated in my whole life 3 npd men where I'm from. Are drunks narcissistic as I felt like state property! I was smeared the whole sha bang. I think I attracted a drunk narc this time.

I woke up today and felt like quitting back to bed so I drove myself to crisis. All this nonsense heightened my ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I know meds are not supposed to be talking about but it coincides w my drunk. I would say please quit he would say no you get off pills. I meet a nurse pract tomorrow to evaluate how to get my ptsd under control. I also am looking at partial outpatient to structure my days.
Not to seem scattered or all over the place but this would be my 4th verbal and or domestic relationship in my life. My friend welcomed me her spare bedroom in Florida for a vacay or a fresh start. My mom said go as furthest south as you can and don't look back. I got a job and they have openings in florida so I can transfer.
Every time I leave therapy it hurts
" he never loved you he is broken he doesn't even love himself" " you can't stand to be alone and one day you are going to have to help yourself as your young.

Am I leaving yes I'm not putting pressure on a time frame but this was the last of this out here. It's memory lane everywhere w all 4 narcs. It sickens me to even be out here any more I believe a fresh start with no dating for quite a long time and finding hobbies without the fear of bumping into a narc.
I'm not knocking al anon but all the friends and families of a drunk are all fresh out inpatient, going to outpatient, and a suicidal mess. The stories are all about the drunk keeping the focus on him not us. Either it's 2 early in the game for that or I went to the wrong ones. I prefer coda or emotions anymous. Al anon steps are great I bought the literature but I followed suit like everyone else and was in the Looney bin earlier. I'll try another one right now bathing, eating, and even a short walk is where I'm at. If you can't leave your home you are useless to yourself and anyone else. I journaled. I'm trying but it still hurts it would hurt anyone I believe if they thought it was real as they don't know real love. It also hurt to be ghosted just disappeared 2.5 months ago and blind side me and to contact me to pay a phone bill. Only to be ghosted hurts. I have to peg him a narc I was discarded with the silent treatment.

Anyone been where I was. I'm glad I got up today and took a stand to help myself and not sleep my 30s away. It still hurts but the more I try to help me the pain lessens. I can't wait till I can post on here Run. Dodge a bullet I know I can get there. Was anyone else discarded and silent treatment from the drunk. A disappearing act. Sometimes it feels I'm all alone but I'm not.
Thank you
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maia1234 (08-12-2018)
Old 08-12-2018, 05:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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S,
Welcome and glad you posted. I would say that your plate is full. I would highly recommend trying another alanon meeting or open aa meetings. I would read and practice their steps, find a sponsor, you my friend have nothing to lose.

I think it is great that you are moving. You need to cut contact with all the addicts in your life. Get a new phone number and only give it to family and close friends. For some reason, you are a typical codie and addicts seem to stick on you like a chewed up piece of gum on a bottom of your shoe. You are probably so kind and nice and try and help everyone. Mrs nice guy has moved on. It is time to think of your health and well being.

I would swear off all men for a year. It is your time to get your head on straight. We are no good to ourselves if we can't put on our oxygen mask first before helping others. This will be a long process as our addicts groom us to care of them and our importance doesn't exist.

Sell your stuff, move to Florida. Hit some meetings. I was so sick in my relationship that I attended 4 meetings a week plus SR every night, for 10 solid months. My life changed,I changed, but it took time. You can do this, but you need the tools to do it. Reach out to an addiction therapist now and when you get to Florida. These people understand us "codies" . There is a lot of help for us, but you have to do the work.

I wish you luck, read all over this forum you will learn a ton. We are all entitled to love life, even if we have to do it alone. Hugs!!
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am the nicest person to my enemies it sickens me

I am out of here. Knowing I attract narcs and addicts I don't want anything to do with men for 2-4 years if not longer. I see a therapist she is great. I'm not an addict I'm on mood stabilizers, benadryl for sleep, and birth control to make sure I didn't get pregnant by a drunk narc. He sucked me dry like all of them. I thought about it domestic abuse was awful but I would take it Any day over verbal. I don't want either but verbal is a broken record of nasty, awful things they say to hurt you and seem normal. I know he is launching a smear campaign right now I want to be single no men. Joy, happiness, showered, dressed and pretty it's hard out here all narcs and memories are in 40 mile radius whenever I see a blast from the past narc while driving he will try to pull me over, honk horns, sometimes get me in a corner on a main street till I yell go away leave me alone we been done for years you don't let me move or drive away I'm calling 911. The relationships end the same me broke, lost a job or hanging on to one barely, but I never moved. This time I'm 34 no kids, not married, narc and drunk free. Time to better my life it's hard getting hobbies with ptsd and every corner, street, is an awful memory. This isn't running from my problems, it's giving myself a new chapter. I refuse to date I'm an empath as well I feel there pain. It only ruins my finances, my self worth, self esteem, and confidence. I'm used for my money and sexual supply, roof, you name it they take it. Screw you all bottom of the barrels losers who have a harem of females you use. I'm not getting used anymore. It's time to break free before I lose it out here. I will go to celebrate recovery, or coda, I'll read al anon I'm not reading for another anon meeting yet. Put me in the sand w a virgin pina colada, let me get my life back, baby steps. Your right sell it all its just material I'm already broke. The govt never stops printing money I just have to stop feeling bad for *******. They got whatever they needed out of me now I'm discarded w a silent treatment and smeared. Before I get hoovered ( aka narc terminology like the vacuum cleaner) and they try to contact as narcs always want the power I have to go. It's 2 small out here a number change: check
Off facebook: check
Calling losers: no
But I bump into them all the time. Ty I'm running. Your not love bombing me w sweet nothing's to get more supply out of me. Ty for telling me leave. I appreciate it.

When you lived in one state your whole life and you have unpleasant memories at 34 I owe it to myself to see what life is like like 5k miles away I don't want a man right now ever. I have to do to much work on myself.
So drunks are narcs correct yea they are they do the same insanity sober narcs do.
I'm faking my death pulling the great escape I can't take it anymore. Thank you

Last edited by Shredder22; 08-12-2018 at 06:56 PM. Reason: Auto correct
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