growingstronger

My son tells a mutual friend how much he wants to work things out with is family. Then his actions are un-friend on Facebook..... I don’t post anything but sunrise pictures so not sure what that is about. I called to ask and he would not take the call. I

maia1234

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

IMO I would ignore this persons contact and go about your business. If he wants you to understand it, he would have explained himself, not ignored you.

I am sorry for you pain, we always have hope!!

dandylion

growingstronger...considering the things that you have shared, with us, in the past...I would interpret it that, down deep...way down...he does care and miss you.....but, for whatever reason, is not able/willing to put down his defenses of anger.....

He is only 24....so, he has lots of time to make changes....to mature....


I know that it is so hurtful, to you , as a mother, though.....it is so hard to not personalize it.....I don't think that he hates you.....

AnvilheadII

i think you gotta just let him be. i know that is tough, he is your child.....but he also a young adult now and making his own choices and decisions. now is not forever. take it day by day.

Mango212

One possible game plan, of a million different ways to approach this day:

1. Don't take it personally.

2. Hit a meeting. Alanon, Celebrate Recovery, an open AA meeting. Pray and pick one. Listen with an open heart.

3. Make dinner plans tonight. Simple, special or even looking at take-out pizza menus. These moments of nurishment can be quite healing.

Mango212

My son tells a mutual friend

Third-party conversations rarely help any relationships. This was so different than what I'd been trained in doing. Once I gained more skills in keeping things light & bright, in having different focuses in life, huge shifts happened in really good ways.

Bernadette

growingstronger,
My heart goes out to you, sending you a shot of courage and hugs.

FB is toxic for a lot of people! I know a couple of addicts who got off of all social media as part of their recovery.

There are and will always be other less public ways to keep in touch if he wants to pursue it...
Peace,
B.

Ladybird579

I don't even have my adult children who I have a good relationship with on facebook, except one who needs monitoring on there cos of his disabilities. I do not interact with him on FB. I have 3 adult daughters who do not speak to me ever. Not even at my moms funeral or at her death bed. They are still angry over stuff their alcoholic dad did and blame me. I have been excluded totally from their lives. I have a grandchild I have never seen, not been invited to weddings and graduations and my daughter who does speak to me decided not to go to her graduation cos she wanted to invite me and knew it would cause a war even tho I said to her I wouldn't go if her siblings were unhappy.

It's been 4.5 years. There is no sign of a thaw. My eldest dd has asked them to reconsider cos they no longer remember what the feud was over and she believes my struggling dd with the grandchild needs my support. This daughter has painted herself into an isolated corner. Her dh is 28 years her senior, seriously ill and has no family and my grandchild has no extended family except my dd's sibings...not all of them speak to her either. It's a right mess. It hurts. Unbelievable we were all close when they were growing up.

What to do? I do not call, text or in anyway try to communicate. A mini war broke out what a relative showed me a photo of my grandson at my moms funeral. I have learnt not to try and engage when all the Christmas presents I sent them were sent back. I get on with my own life. Some things cannot be fixed. I cannot fix what I do not know and I cannot address their hurt if they do not tell me what I have done and what can be done to start putting things right. Weirdly I saw 2 of my estranged dd's talking about their wonderful childhood on another forum. Reminiscing over fond memories. They did not know I saw that and I've come to the conclusion there is nothing so weird as families. I'd say live your own life. Expect nothing. See if and when things get better and be prepared for a lot of painful introspection if your relationship with your son does resume. I have come to realise it is probably better the way it is with my kids.

growingstronger

For the first time in a long time I am angry and not so sad. I feel like I flipped a switch in my heart and I will never be the same. I feel there is good and bad in that. I feel he is dead to me and I am moving on without him. I am very angry that he throws us away as if we have no meaning.

dandylion

growingstronger…..I think that, sometimes, anger can be protective...from the more painful feelings underneath.....that is o.k.....It doesn't mean that the other feelings are gone...just that we aren't feeling them so much.....