Chevfb7

I have been divorced almost two months now, and haven’t lived with XAH since April! I can’t even begin to describe how my life has changed for the better. Life is good, and I’m happy, but I’m also lonely. My life went from such crazy to calm relatively quick. I don’t miss my Ex really just some of our life together. On weekends when my kids are with their dad I’m lost. I have no idea what I like or what to do. Most of my girl friends are married so they don’t really relate to my situation. What did y’all do to adjust to your new life? I did last week go on a day trip by myself and enjoy it a lot!

maia1234

Chev,

You sound great, keep up the good work.

Have you thought about any volunteering.... at the library or food pantry? I always felt so much better when I was giving back, service work. It is an amazing feeling helping people.

BoxinRotz

I have been out on my own and in my place since June 18th. I get my granddaughter once a week on my off days. It's just me, the Rottweiler and 2 cats 90% of the time when I'm not at work.

I went to the local pool today. I didn't speak to anyone because they have weird rules but I enjoyed the water. I also like to color but I need new pencils because he threw mine away because he's a jerk! I hunt and I love to take naps because I work a lot now because I've been under so much stress the last 8 years. Next year I'm going to start fishing and camping with my granddaughter. I took her hunting for the first time last year. I'm not really into a lot of people. I work in a very dangerous profession and I prefer to keep to myself because of it.

hopeful4

I went through this as well. I was so usto living in chaos that went it died down, I did not know what to do with myself.

I reconnected with friends. Made new friends. Got involved with some things at church and with my children. Just followed where my life was taking me. It takes a while, but when you give up that chaos from your life, it is a true blessing.

Smarie78

Oh I am all too familiar. Most of my friends are married as well so at first it was hard. I am however blessed in that I live in a big city and have a lot of single friends as well and a big family to keep me occupied so very rarely am I bored. Lonely however, is another thing....one thing I took up was fitness to help with that (body AND mind). The gym became another place I could go and feel confident about myself once I started seeing reaching personal goals. It was also fun just to have something to do that carried such a positive impact, in fact, ONLY a positive impact! I do still find myself feeling lonely....and I so much wish for a life with a healthy loving and loyal partner. I have had to be careful of this though because I know my heart is very vulnerable and hungry right now. It is ripe for more bad men to come and disrupt my positive growth. Just be very wary of that. In the meantime, get involved with something local....dare I say, get out there and go on a few dates? Not sure if too soon but I did that and while I wasn't expecting anything major, it sure was nice to enjoy the company of another and be treated nicely for a night out

qtpi

I am also finding myself! making solid friend connections with other women. joined three Meetup groups. Started playing piano again. Slowly decorating my new home. Thankful I have a good job. I still am trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life. But I did not want to spend any more of that life with an abusive alcoholic.

atalose

I once heard that codependency is a lack of relationship with self. I didn’t fully understand that until I was all by myself. Naturally there is a quiet calm that is unfamiliar to us after a toxic relationship ends and we don’t really know how to fill that void at first. You fill it with meeting new people, trying new things, going to new places, taking a class, re-connecting with old friends (but not old boyfriends!! Lol) Learning to be alone and getting comfortable with that is key to moving forward in life.

The unhappiest people I know are the ones who jump from one bad relationship into another because they can’t fill that void on their own, they need someone else to.

Chevfb7

Thank you all for the responses there are some really good ideas here to meet new people and keep busy. I’m so very thankful for my job, and kids who fill up most of my time, but there are periods of loneliness. Glad to know y’all had these feelings too!

Michsm

I was lonely during our marriage now I am lonely without the chaos. Much better!

trailmix

Have you tried meetup? I have and it was great. If you are in a bigger center particularly there are tons of groups to choose from. Everything from going out to listen to live music, theatre, game nights, hiking, day trips etc etc

The first time I tried it I wasn't sure what to expect but you know there are a lot of people out there that are divorced or just looking for other people to do stuff with. They aren't necessarily extroverts, so don't feel that you have to be the outgoing type to go.

It's worth a try anyway if you haven't already.

Equestrian83

I found after my divorce it was wo nice to do what I enjoyed again. I started riding horses again and met a whole slew of people with the same interests. I also love Meetup. They have everything. I enjoy the hiking and adventure groups. They have something for everyone! I would just try to go out and trying new things or reconnect with old ones you use to enjoy.

E

Seren

Hi chev!

So, I'm a widow, and I completely understand!! What I've been doing lately is looking for festivals and other fun things to do. Daytime events seem less "dicey" than going out to a jazz club or something like that at night by myself.

Maybe there is a corn festival or tomato festival or outdoor music fest you could go to?

I'd forgotten how much I really love music, and have a couple of shows coming up to which I purchased tickets, too

Just getting myself moving!!

Good luck!!

HikerLady

I got a 2 year old shelter dog back in April, border collie mix who is great at looking straight in my eyes when I talk to him. He's really good at getting me moving and interacting with new people (long story short is that he's very very social so I end up talking to all kinds of people I never would have even looked at let alone spoken to). I do go out to dinner now and then with a couple of other divorced friends (people I've reconnected with since the separation).