what it's like to date an alcoholic
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Cyranoak 
Thank you for this post. One thing-- sometimes they don't leave you and instead suck your soul and your blood right out of your body unless you leave them. They will take 20 years from your life in the blink of an eye exactly like in Princess Bride.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Equestrian83
I agree with that, but I also feel people deserve love displite thier struggles in life. I also would agree loving them from a distance and keeping yourself worth is more important.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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I actually agree with you about loving from a distance. I think a network of love and compassion and forgiveness can be powerful. I don't think all alcoholics are deserving of this 'tough love' sort of attitude. I think it is reasonable to consider they might not get any better but believe me, getting left in isolation and having noone around you when you are going through any difficulty in life is not easy either and seeing loved ones drift off.
It's not that alcoholics don't care and only think about the drink, not all, in fact probably not most but when they keep failing in life and struggle to get the support (a network of professional and familial) that is no guarantee for success. That is one sure way of prolonging an addiction or of not allowing the addict to tackle the addiction before it gets way out of hand.
An example is when I started dating my new girlfriend (we are having a break now not related to drink (I've only ever been drunk with her once)), I got close to her family. Her family was really close and I started to feel so much happier when I was around her place. I just loved that warm, caring environment where everyone was looking out and supporting each other.
Then I would go back to my isolation back at my place and guess when the alcoholic drinking took place? When I was isolated.
By the way I'm not saying anyone should be **** on to support someone and trying to help them. I'm just saying it isn't as plain as black or white either.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
It's not that alcoholics don't care and only think about the drink, not all, in fact probably not most but when they keep failing in life and struggle to get the support (a network of professional and familial) that is no guarantee for success. That is one sure way of prolonging an addiction or of not allowing the addict to tackle the addiction before it gets way out of hand.
An example is when I started dating my new girlfriend (we are having a break now not related to drink (I've only ever been drunk with her once)), I got close to her family. Her family was really close and I started to feel so much happier when I was around her place. I just loved that warm, caring environment where everyone was looking out and supporting each other.
Then I would go back to my isolation back at my place and guess when the alcoholic drinking took place? When I was isolated.
By the way I'm not saying anyone should be **** on to support someone and trying to help them. I'm just saying it isn't as plain as black or white either.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
Originally Posted by Lonewolf22
By the way I'm not saying anyone should be **** on to support someone and trying to help them. I'm just saying it isn't as plain as black or white either.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
I don't think that family members that care drift off for no reason. People have their own lives to live, they get tapped out, no one is an endless well of empathy and compassion.
I guess it just seems like an implication that if those surrounding the alcoholic could just love them a bit MORE, if they could sacrifice just a bit MORE. Sacrifice their time, their money and their sanity and self esteem.
Those are the things I see here in the F&F forums. These are not people who just decided to abandon someone they care about, in many cases it is heart wrenching for them. Sad all around.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Lonewolf22
I actually agree with you about loving from a distance. I think a network of love and compassion and forgiveness can be powerful. I don't think all alcoholics are deserving of this 'tough love' sort of attitude. I think it is reasonable to consider they might not get any better but believe me, getting left in isolation and having noone around you when you are going through any difficulty in life is not easy either and seeing loved ones drift off.
It's not that alcoholics don't care and only think about the drink, not all, in fact probably not most but when they keep failing in life and struggle to get the support (a network of professional and familial) that is no guarantee for success. That is one sure way of prolonging an addiction or of not allowing the addict to tackle the addiction before it gets way out of hand.
An example is when I started dating my new girlfriend (we are having a break now not related to drink (I've only ever been drunk with her once)), I got close to her family. Her family was really close and I started to feel so much happier when I was around her place. I just loved that warm, caring environment where everyone was looking out and supporting each other.
Then I would go back to my isolation back at my place and guess when the alcoholic drinking took place? When I was isolated.
By the way I'm not saying anyone should be **** on to support someone and trying to help them. I'm just saying it isn't as plain as black or white either.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
It's not that alcoholics don't care and only think about the drink, not all, in fact probably not most but when they keep failing in life and struggle to get the support (a network of professional and familial) that is no guarantee for success. That is one sure way of prolonging an addiction or of not allowing the addict to tackle the addiction before it gets way out of hand.
An example is when I started dating my new girlfriend (we are having a break now not related to drink (I've only ever been drunk with her once)), I got close to her family. Her family was really close and I started to feel so much happier when I was around her place. I just loved that warm, caring environment where everyone was looking out and supporting each other.
Then I would go back to my isolation back at my place and guess when the alcoholic drinking took place? When I was isolated.
By the way I'm not saying anyone should be **** on to support someone and trying to help them. I'm just saying it isn't as plain as black or white either.
What causes me to drink might not be your reasons but I can imagine an utter feeling of hopelessness is always close to home when alcoholism is involved.
"so much great activity here"
"your family is so fun"
I live with in a mile of my family and we get together every few weekends to have dinner and hang out. Also there is a lot to do here outside. I stay on the move with three kids and I like to adventure, so something was always planned.
Then I would visit him at his parents and he would stay on the third floor and his whole person would change. Not the happy go lucky guy I was use to, he would often Isolate him self in that house and play video games, watch twitch and sip on wine. His parents were caring but always pressuring for him to start school. There was a lot of tension there and then I did not know why. I think he would Isolate on purpose.
Much love and I hate hearing you are having relationship difficulties.
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