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Acknowledging fear Fear: false evidence appearing real Fear: good, healthy stuff warning me, asking for my attention Fear: immobilizing Fear: pushing me forward to new adventures, healing, growth I've had a lot of fears coming up again lately. More layers. I'm gaining more skills in getting through them and moving on. The good: fear can help me recognise current or past issues. The good: fears can be released and healed from. The good: this won't go on forever. I'm getting help. I'm learning. I'm enjoying life now. I'm glad to be alive. |
Mango, I saw this in another thread and I thought it might be something you would like? https://gratefulness.org/light-a-candle/view-all |
Thank you! Working through layers of C-PTSD today. I also started low carbing & giving up sugar, so this evening it's battling sugar cravings that has my attention! :D One day at a time. Posting a lot today helped me get through on many levels. Ebb and flow. When I want action in my life, instead I feel Higher Power calling me to slow down, feel what's going on, post for help and as therapy, and I know from experience (((and reminders))) that this, too, will pass. |
An article I like: We experience fear for a reason. There are different types of fear. However, these different types of fear can basically be separated into two different categories which are healthy fears and unhealthy fears. Healthy fears are those that involve certain things in life that can cause harm to us, either emotionally or physically. For example, it is perfectly normal and healthy to be scared of fire or tornadoes. After all, this fear is likely what keeps us from getting too close to a fire or trying to get a better look at a tornado. On the other hand, we have unhealthy fears. The difference between healthy fears and unhealthy fears is the fact that unhealthy fears do nothing more than hold us back in life and are based off of little to no reasoning. For example, some people are afraid of success. When you think about it, there is not much reasoning that can possibly be behind this way of thinking. However, somewhere down the line people become used to the way things are and the simple thought of change strikes fear into their souls, even if it is change for the better. At times it can be difficult for people to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy types of fear. After all, fear feels like fear, no matter if it is healthy or not. Determine what your fear in life: It’s rather difficult to figure out whether or not your fears are healthy or unhealthy until you know what it is in life that scares you. For this reason, the best place to start on your adventure to creating a better life would be to make a list of all of your fears. Make sure not to leave anything out and be sure to be as detailed as possible about each one of your fears. This process may take some time but it should be done thoroughly and not rushed. List the pros and cons of each fear: Listing the pros and cons of each fear on your list is a great way of figuring out what positive outcomes are coming out of your fears and what negative impacts are being caused. While this may seem like a simple exercise, it is quite effective. A lot of people don’t realize how much their fear is holding them back in life until they see the negative outcomes listed on a piece of paper right in front of their face. Determine if there is any real danger involved: After you have made your list and listed the pros and cons, it’s time to determine if there is any real danger involved. Of course we should never do anything that has the possibility of harming us. However, when making this list, more often than not, people discover that there is no real danger involved. Put all of it together: This step is the real eye opener. Basically, all you need to do is put everything together that you write down on your list. This will surely help you to determine whether a fear is healthy and justified or unhealthy and life hindering. Believe it or not, the process of conquering a fear can be made much simpler once we are aware of the fact that there is nothing to be scared of. It is understandable that we as humans like to create comfort bubbles. More often than not, this does little more than cause people to limit their own lives. We only get one life to live so we should make the most of it and never settle for anything less. Fear does not have to be something that controls our lives. |
Thanks Mango for this. When I have a bit more time, I will do what you suggest and make a list. |
Fear: pushing me forward to new adventures, healing, growth. When it's move forward or slide backwards, there's a beautiful peace in pausing and doing nothing. In this I find my balance. I find the strength to let my fears propell me forward in life. #thankyougod |
I am a codependent in recovery and trying to focus on self care currently, doing a lot of reading, therapy etc the one thing I can't get a grip on is eating well. I have noticed I eat way to much sugary foods especially chocolate bars, biscuits with coffee etc. I know from what I've read we can use food to numb ourselves out so we don't need to feel pain. It's another way of abusing ourselves as we don't feel worthy. I've noticed a lot of people talk about giving up sugar. Does it have a direct connection to moods, feeling bad or codependency? I suppose I'm asking because it's the area I know least about but I read a lot about people giving up sugar in here, as well as other substances and wonder what's the link? |
Sometimes I embrace sugary foods to help me through rough times, or in celebration of good days. Two birthdays and cake this past week and then cheesecake. Oh, wow! Good stuff! And gluten free. I'm learning to enjoy it while I'm enjoying it. The sugar does effect my moods, though. When I keep eating sugar I don't have the problem as much as the way my body reacts to not having it. I do better with eating low-carb & high fats. Started this again today. :) |
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
(Post 6996364)
I am a codependent in recovery and trying to focus on self care currently, doing a lot of reading, therapy etc the one thing I can't get a grip on is eating well. I have noticed I eat way to much sugary foods especially chocolate bars, biscuits with coffee etc. I know from what I've read we can use food to numb ourselves out so we don't need to feel pain. It's another way of abusing ourselves as we don't feel worthy. I've noticed a lot of people talk about giving up sugar. Does it have a direct connection to moods, feeling bad or codependency? I suppose I'm asking because it's the area I know least about but I read a lot about people giving up sugar in here, as well as other substances and wonder what's the link? If you read up on the way sugar/carbs affect the brain I believe there's a similar dopamine reaction to what an addict feels when they receive their DOC/alcohol. A lot of people quit drinking only to find themselves with an insatiable sweet tooth they never had before. |
Originally Posted by FireSprite
(Post 6996383)
Sugar is sort of like *my* alcohol. I learned terrible habits around food very early in life & emotional eating (from binging to almost anorexia) has been a huge obstacle for me to overcome personally. I used it to numb out the same way another person drinks themselves silly. If you read up on the way sugar/carbs affect the brain I believe there's a similar dopamine reaction to what an addict feels when they receive their DOC/alcohol. A lot of people quit drinking only to find themselves with an insatiable sweet tooth they never had before. |
Fear: pushing me forward to new adventures, healing, growth Ordered new outdoor/travel backpacks for kid and I today. Matching ones this time, in different colors. Moving forward in a bunch of different ways this week. Fear propelling me forward. Faith carrying me through. Fall colors signaling big changes coming. I'm embracing this in a very personal way this year. |
Now when I feel a pang of fear I stop and ask myself is this FEAR or is this just NEW. Alot of times it's just new and unknown. Facing my fears head on over and over again these past couple of years has taught me how so many of them are just paper tigers and there is no impending doom. And as I get outside my comfort zone more and more my fears are definitely decreasing. It's rare now for a fear to pop up, where I used to live in fight or flight. When I was married to my AXH I lived my life in "what if" land. Now I say, so what, let me just do it and see and deal with it when and if that happens. Fear held me back from living with peace and serenity in my life. I'm not willing to give them up anymore. My peace, serenity, inner calm and happiness are way too important and fear is usually just an illusion. Breathe, investigate, and move through it. |
Wow. Thank you. I like these thoughts a lot. It's definitely fear I'm feeling. Moving forward and letting it shrink. I love the idea/thought/knowledge that as I heal this will be replaced by good new feelings and approaches. :) |
As someone wrote above regarding healthy and unhealthy fears, first you really need to figure out which it is. If your wellbeing, your safety, etc. are in danger then you need to take action and get to a safe place. If the fears are mainly in your head and are more the "what ifs" then for me, I find that the first thing I do is breathe (that's always first, 3 very deep belly breaths) and then look toward your inner child. Let her know she's safe, you have her, you see her and you are going to take care of her. So often it is more an old, scared, hurt version of ourselves that wants to be seen, heard and cared for. Reparenting ourselves and showing the love to ourselves we never got when we were young, and letting that inner child know she is safe and you won't leave her is so important. I often will close my eyes and repeat to myself that I am safe, I am grounded and all is ok. Our mind can really take us to some very dangerous neighborhoods if we allow it. |
It's amazing looking back and seeing that in less than 6 months I've gone from many fears to ones that only come up occasionally. I have skills to swiftly acknowledge and deal with them! :) Positive forward momentum. This is a good day. Life is good. I choose joy. Namaste :Meditate: |
Originally Posted by Mango212
(Post 6970424)
Fear: false evidence appearing real Fear: good, healthy stuff warning me, asking for my attention Fear: immobilizing Fear: pushing me forward to new adventures, healing, growth I've had a lot of fears coming up again lately. More layers. I'm gaining more skills in getting through them and moving on. The good: fear can help me recognise current or past issues. The good: fears can be released and healed from. The good: this won't go on forever. I'm getting help. I'm learning. I'm enjoying life now. I'm glad to be alive. FEAR - F#&$ everything and Run! just a little chuckle I think they all apply :) |
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