Michsm

Fied for divorce a little over 2 months ago and finally got my items out of our marital residence which I haven't been to since I filed. My STBAXH was out town and this was planned, he even took some TV's off the wall and took a bed frame apart for me. When the movers were unloading at the storage facility, I couldn't stop crying and feeling sad, I don't know why because he was not a good husband. Maybe its the finality of it? I don't know I was having a really hard time the first week but actually thought since I was doing good and now I have this set back...ugh.

maia1234

M,
You are doing good, you are moving out.

Just because you moved out doesn't mean that everything is over. Divorce takes a long time. Maybe, just maybe he will realize what he is doing and reach out for support. I never gave up on my axh and still divorced 3.5 years, hope one day he will call and tell me that he found sobriety and is working a program.

You don't have to "stop" loving your addict, you just are choosing not to live together, today. As they say, one moment at a time, same as for an addict. Deep breaths, cry and smile. This is your new home, make it yours. Enjoy the peace and quiet and tell God to watch over him that he will be safe and ok.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

SparkleKitty

We all need to grieve the end of things, I think. I wouldn't even look at it as a setback, but a perfectly normal response to an emotional situation. You're still "doing good", it just looks a little different than you expected it to.

dandylion

Michsm…...yes, I think a lot of it is the "finality" of the situation. This makes it all the more real.....
I think that another part of it is that, finally, you may be able to let down a bit, and some of the stuffed down emotions come pouring out.....
Either way, it is a totally human reaction....expected and common.....
I think that all of us have done this at some time....


It isn't a set back....I think it is just a normal part of moving forward.....
Crying serves a good purpose....I am a big fan. I think that crying allows us to express complex and painful feelings that we could never do by mere words....
Mother Nature gave us tears for a reason.....

Clover71

((Hugs))

Nobody "wants" a divorce. It's all kinds of hopes and dreams shattered and then you have to divide up the stuff and start over. It's like a death. Be kind to yourself as you would if a love one had died.

Go shopping when you feel up to it and buy yourself something nice for your new place. Maybe a picture that inspires you or something different

Michsm

Thank you all for the support. I agree it is ok to cry and feel what I am feeling and it is not a set back but part of the journey to healing and moving on with my life

He actually started texting me asking if I made the right decision and then he started going on how he hates me, this runs deep, and of course I am an idiot...yada yada yada and this is what I do not miss, the drunken angry guy.

QuietlyTired

Michsm I agree with sparklekitty, dandylion, maia, clover, etc. finality, yes. Release of emotions kept hidden, yes. Tears aren’t bad. I hope to be where you are one year from now. Stay strong.

honeypig

First of all, block those angry texts. They are NOT helpful. Allow yourself to heal instead of letting him wound you further.

I've shared this article many, many times here. You might find it helpful too:

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf

From my own experience, loss and grieving take time to work through--a lot more time than I'd hoped. However, I truly don't believe the process can be rushed. You can create the healthiest conditions for yourself and do what you can to ALLOW the healing, but it will still take time, and time takes time. Feel what you feel. Reach out for support when you need it. And I'd strongly suggest keeping some kind of journal, even if you only jot a few lines on some days. For me, it helped a lot to be able to look back and see how much progress I'd made, especially when I was feeling like I was stuck in sadness forever.

I found--and still find, on occasion--that the oddest, smallest things can be triggers for an upwelling of grief. A while ago I pulled a fish-shaped plate out of my cupboard to put my dinner on. I remembered how XAH would use that plate to put my pizza on when we had pizza supper, and how he'd cut the pizza to fit the plate perfectly. I had to go sit down at my kitchen table and cry for a while--and we are divorced 3 years! I've used that plate since then and haven't had a repeat, but it just seems that there are layers and layers of things to mourn, and yes, it does take time to get to it all. I understand how you feel, I think. I also think there is nothing weird about it at all...

Seren

For me, my divorce made me feel like a failure. Like there was something utterly wrong with me. Well, there was...but also with my ex (not an alcoholic at that time). It takes two to make a marriage work...and it is work. But when it that effort is there on both sides, it's wonderful!

I'm sorry for the setback and hope that today dawns just a bit brighter!!

lizatola

Change brings out emotions in us that we sometimes can't control. I've learned to just let them come and accept them and not judge myself for having varying emotions throughout the day.

In a span of a few hours I can experience joy, grief, peace, and anger....among other things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being human. Feel what you need to and then dust yourself off, maybe journal about it to release it, and then gather yourself for the next big change.

I had a sponsor in Al Anon once who reminded me that "everything is temporary". HUGS!

hopeful4

Divorce is one step forward and three steps back. It's a process, but from someone who has been divorced for four years, I can only say I PROMISE it gets better.

Go no contact and work on YOU! Sending you a big hug!