Ok. It's Happening.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Yeah it would be great if he would detox under medical supervision. Even if we could afford it, I’m sure he would remain stubborn. So it’s water and good nutrition till he goes off back to work, and his likely relapse is the cloud I’ll be living under till it does or doesn’t happen. I’m sure he feels the same way about me.
I’m heading off to work myself. We shall see how things go.
I’m heading off to work myself. We shall see how things go.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Very lame update. I think I am going to use this thread to try to organize these thoughts about the man that I love.
So I mentioned that my SO was detoxing a couple of weeks ago. It's been great, he became lucid and talked about the future, started getting things done, lining up more work, bla bla bla.
What does it matter anyway. Why do I even let myself feel good at all. Today he stayed silent (when everything's ok we stay in communication), and finally texted me that he had had "a couple drinks." I know what that means.
I didn't react. I cried through my yoga class. Boo hoo. But I still didn't say anything to him. Then I finally said, "Well I was at yoga," then, "Ok babe I'm checking in but I guess you aren't checking your phone. I hope everything's ok." Then nothing. No response. He probably texted me at the last minute then passed out, avoiding any reaction I might have.
This is what he does. He drinks and avoids me. He shuts me out. Then he always says he will stop shutting me out. Then it happens again. And he lets his life stay stagnant and opportunities slip by. And my birthday is coming up again. And I'm afraid if he is just drunk, spends all his money, and shoves my birthday to the side again I'll just give up. I don't know how many times am I expected to go through this cycle over and over again? I'm just so sad.
So I mentioned that my SO was detoxing a couple of weeks ago. It's been great, he became lucid and talked about the future, started getting things done, lining up more work, bla bla bla.
What does it matter anyway. Why do I even let myself feel good at all. Today he stayed silent (when everything's ok we stay in communication), and finally texted me that he had had "a couple drinks." I know what that means.
I didn't react. I cried through my yoga class. Boo hoo. But I still didn't say anything to him. Then I finally said, "Well I was at yoga," then, "Ok babe I'm checking in but I guess you aren't checking your phone. I hope everything's ok." Then nothing. No response. He probably texted me at the last minute then passed out, avoiding any reaction I might have.
This is what he does. He drinks and avoids me. He shuts me out. Then he always says he will stop shutting me out. Then it happens again. And he lets his life stay stagnant and opportunities slip by. And my birthday is coming up again. And I'm afraid if he is just drunk, spends all his money, and shoves my birthday to the side again I'll just give up. I don't know how many times am I expected to go through this cycle over and over again? I'm just so sad.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Hi Plenny, I'm sorry you're sad and I surely understand it because i'm sure you had hope that has now been destroyed.
I suppose, with addiction, that is unknown. People return to drinking after two days, two weeks, twenty years, as you know. Although i'm sure a 20 year break would be welcome about now.
I guess you go through it until you don't want to anymore. When you have had enough. When the good of what you have is outweighed by the bad?
I suppose, with addiction, that is unknown. People return to drinking after two days, two weeks, twenty years, as you know. Although i'm sure a 20 year break would be welcome about now.
I guess you go through it until you don't want to anymore. When you have had enough. When the good of what you have is outweighed by the bad?
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Yeah. I am not happy about having to be aware of the signs and these feelings. I'm not happy that I'm in a decision making process. This is a person I really wish I could make a future with. I am really sad. I did call a couple of friends to talk about my feelings. I am so grateful for them. Unfortunately they are really far away. I really could use some hugs right now. I don't know anyone here who understands or could know me and my life well enough. I just feel so sad. I don't know what else to say. I should leave my communication with him just at that last text. So I'm stuck with my thoughts all night.
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Sorry this is happening Plenny.
I remember all to well the merry-go-round of loving someone active in his addiction. The glimmer of hope each time he promised to stay sober, the waiting for him to fail, the crash when he did. It was exhausting and painful. I quite literally drove myself crazy worrying about him and what it was doing to our marriage...our family.
It took me years to even realize the toxicity, then it took me years to untangle myself from it and it took years after that to recover from it. It's was an excruciating process.
I hope you can reach out for support, maybe alanon or a similar group would be good for you since you don't have other people around you who understand.
Wishing for you strength and clarity as you face these difficult times.
*hugs*
I remember all to well the merry-go-round of loving someone active in his addiction. The glimmer of hope each time he promised to stay sober, the waiting for him to fail, the crash when he did. It was exhausting and painful. I quite literally drove myself crazy worrying about him and what it was doing to our marriage...our family.
It took me years to even realize the toxicity, then it took me years to untangle myself from it and it took years after that to recover from it. It's was an excruciating process.
I hope you can reach out for support, maybe alanon or a similar group would be good for you since you don't have other people around you who understand.
Wishing for you strength and clarity as you face these difficult times.
*hugs*
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Thank you. Unfortunately my AM contacted me early this morning and it put me in a tailspin (happily no contact for eight years) and my SO is being pretty insensitive. I really hope he will snap out of it because I need him right now.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Hi Plenny ... from what you've written, I'd say you deserve so much better. Doesn't mean you don't love him or make it any less painful. I learned along the way that my relationship with an addict was based on my fantasy thinking for the man I thought he could be. Not the person he continually showed me he was. I have also been working on the realization that my needs are not meant to be met by another human being and have been trying to look more inward to satisfy my own needs. Been going fairly well so far, I have yet to disappoint myself! Hugs friend!
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