Plans for breaking No Contact
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Plans for breaking No Contact
There will be a day when No Contact is broken. Recognizing this. Currently at 8+ weeks of No Contact, after my husband relapsed.
I'm honoring this No Contact in new ways, with prayer, meditation and great appreciation of the beautiful healing space I currently have.
My husband and I have an 11 year old son. Our older kids are now adults. By the time our youngest was born, the disease was advancing. DS11 has been the most effected, and also has had the most recovery, through Ala-kid/Alateen programs, counseling, therapy and now having healing periods of No Contact when his dad is in active alcoholism.
I'm still married. I'm not looking at getting a divorce. When my husband has found periods of recovery he has been a caring, good dad, a kind person and my best friend. We often see things differently, dance together, pray together and enjoy life together.
Plans for breaking No Contact:
1. Making a list of all the things I enjoy about having healthy places to live in.
2. Mindfulness. Enjoying this moment. Living this day.
3. Having a concrete, neutral option for meeting up where we can keep things light & bright -- great advice from my sponsor ages ago that's worked miracles many times. My current plan is to meet at a minor league baseball game, if/when I have a request from my husband to have time with our son. I've checked the game schedule. I have options that would work with my schedule. I'll be able to pause, breath and take time to respond while looking at my life and what I want in it, rather than reacting to past emotions.
4. Let go & let God.
I'm honoring this No Contact in new ways, with prayer, meditation and great appreciation of the beautiful healing space I currently have.
My husband and I have an 11 year old son. Our older kids are now adults. By the time our youngest was born, the disease was advancing. DS11 has been the most effected, and also has had the most recovery, through Ala-kid/Alateen programs, counseling, therapy and now having healing periods of No Contact when his dad is in active alcoholism.
I'm still married. I'm not looking at getting a divorce. When my husband has found periods of recovery he has been a caring, good dad, a kind person and my best friend. We often see things differently, dance together, pray together and enjoy life together.
Plans for breaking No Contact:
1. Making a list of all the things I enjoy about having healthy places to live in.
2. Mindfulness. Enjoying this moment. Living this day.
3. Having a concrete, neutral option for meeting up where we can keep things light & bright -- great advice from my sponsor ages ago that's worked miracles many times. My current plan is to meet at a minor league baseball game, if/when I have a request from my husband to have time with our son. I've checked the game schedule. I have options that would work with my schedule. I'll be able to pause, breath and take time to respond while looking at my life and what I want in it, rather than reacting to past emotions.
4. Let go & let God.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Law of attraction. I get to create the life I want. I have strength, vibrancy, love, laughter and goodness in my life, all around me. Allowing God/Great Spirit/Universe to guide my way.
#lifeisgood #onedayatatime #thankyougod #ilovemyson
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Clarifying the divorce/married aspect. I wrote this not long ago:
"I'm not divorced legally. I've been divorced physically, mentally and spiritually many times by my husband when he's in active alcoholism. Recognizing this is new ways."
We don't have physical intimacy. It's nothing like the marriage we used to have. With more than 30 years together, I never envisioned life would be like this. Yet other couples encounter chronic illnesses of all kinds. Some stay together. Some don't. Many paths. Many ways of healing. Like being in a river and adapting to the flow. Sometimes calm and serene, sections of turbulent rapids or getting caught on a shoreline. I'm learning how to navigate my life in new ways. I'm finding peace in calm waters now. One day at a time. Thank you, God.
"I'm not divorced legally. I've been divorced physically, mentally and spiritually many times by my husband when he's in active alcoholism. Recognizing this is new ways."
We don't have physical intimacy. It's nothing like the marriage we used to have. With more than 30 years together, I never envisioned life would be like this. Yet other couples encounter chronic illnesses of all kinds. Some stay together. Some don't. Many paths. Many ways of healing. Like being in a river and adapting to the flow. Sometimes calm and serene, sections of turbulent rapids or getting caught on a shoreline. I'm learning how to navigate my life in new ways. I'm finding peace in calm waters now. One day at a time. Thank you, God.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You know yourself, your husband, and this dance with him better than any of us could, Mango. If you believe that remaining married is in your long-term best interest, and his, then you have my full support.
I'm happy you are building a life for yourself that is just yours and that is not dependent on him for happiness. You are in my prayers
I'm happy you are building a life for yourself that is just yours and that is not dependent on him for happiness. You are in my prayers
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I have absolutely no idea what's in my best long-term interest or his! 2 rehabs so far, month long ones for him, family weeks at both for me. The road to each was illuminating. A big "letting go and letting God" on both our parts. This is where I started understanding the concept of living One Day At A Time and more being revealed along the way.
While there are some concrete reasons why I'm remaining legally married, and still love the soul of this man, I also see how important it is for me to have my own, separate life and stay away from him when he's not in recovery.
Realistically, maybe he won't contact me. Maybe he'll die from alcoholism, or something else. I hope not. It's not something I think about anymore. Simply a realization this can and does happen. Some alcoholics don't find long term recovery. Many do. I'm glad to know many healthy people who've recovered from addictions.
#healing #lifeisgood
2 rehabs so far, month long ones for him, family weeks at both for me. The road to each was illuminating. A big "letting go and letting God" on both our parts. This is where I started understanding the concept of living One Day At A Time and more being revealed along the way.While there are some concrete reasons why I'm remaining legally married, and still love the soul of this man, I also see how important it is for me to have my own, separate life and stay away from him when he's not in recovery.
Realistically, maybe he won't contact me. Maybe he'll die from alcoholism, or something else. I hope not. It's not something I think about anymore. Simply a realization this can and does happen. Some alcoholics don't find long term recovery. Many do. I'm glad to know many healthy people who've recovered from addictions.
#healing #lifeisgood
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Brief break in No Contact 8 days ago. My husband came to my work. He'd been drinking. This hasn't changed. My mother was driving. She stayed outside by her car, which she had parked behind mine, blocking my car where it was parked. No coincidence there.
No drama. My husband asked to dive into problem solving. I'm not sure what I said, but I didn'tgo there. I gave this up to my Higher Power and was walked through it.
My husband and I talked. We prayed together. He left.
A full day of driving for them for a brief visit. My mother was able to force this and was able to stay on property longer than the last time she was here. [That time I quickly ushered her out the door and locked it behind her.]
Back to No Contact.
Good: I'm enjoying life. I'm feeling my feelings. Acknowledging them. Quickly and easily turning towards healthy, fun feelings and allowing anything else to be shook out and transformed.
Dancing, singing and having music on. Full stillness and sitting quietly as I'm pulled to it.
I'm enjoying life. In. The. Moment. Tastes, sights, sounds, etc. I like rhythm. Beats. Grooves. Touch is getting easier. I like the feel of warm water, cool water, dishwashing bubbles, my soft hoodie and being barefoot on large, smooth warm rocks.
One day at a time.
Our anniversary was last week. We both stayed in No Contact. I love this man. He's in his disease. I'm happy, enjoying life, healing.
Contradictions (aka "contrast") simply direct me to what I do want in my life.
No drama. My husband asked to dive into problem solving. I'm not sure what I said, but I didn'tgo there. I gave this up to my Higher Power and was walked through it.
My husband and I talked. We prayed together. He left.
A full day of driving for them for a brief visit. My mother was able to force this and was able to stay on property longer than the last time she was here. [That time I quickly ushered her out the door and locked it behind her.]
Back to No Contact.
Good: I'm enjoying life. I'm feeling my feelings. Acknowledging them. Quickly and easily turning towards healthy, fun feelings and allowing anything else to be shook out and transformed.
Dancing, singing and having music on. Full stillness and sitting quietly as I'm pulled to it.
I'm enjoying life. In. The. Moment. Tastes, sights, sounds, etc. I like rhythm. Beats. Grooves. Touch is getting easier. I like the feel of warm water, cool water, dishwashing bubbles, my soft hoodie and being barefoot on large, smooth warm rocks.
One day at a time.
Our anniversary was last week. We both stayed in No Contact. I love this man. He's in his disease. I'm happy, enjoying life, healing.
Contradictions (aka "contrast") simply direct me to what I do want in my life.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Thank you, Seren.
Thank you, hopeful.
This is on my heart today, after meditation.
Same plans. To stay in No Contact, let go & let God, and keep the thought of breaking no contact by meeting at a local minor league baseball game.
Opening my heart to moving forward in new directions, creating a life I love.
1. One day at a time.
2. Trust the process.
3. Tap into my deeper inner strengths.
Thank you, hopeful.
This is on my heart today, after meditation.
Same plans. To stay in No Contact, let go & let God, and keep the thought of breaking no contact by meeting at a local minor league baseball game.
Opening my heart to moving forward in new directions, creating a life I love.
1. One day at a time.
2. Trust the process.
3. Tap into my deeper inner strengths.
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