The girl that paid the phone bill :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 84
The girl that paid the phone bill :(
Hi all,
I know all the vets will be mad please go easy on me. It ended June 7th
i could not function or think of anything to do for a hobby even as all i knew was him. It's very sick.
I embarassed myself many times:
A) after he ghosted me no idea why at all i called non stop no impulse control. He blocked me. I would go to pay phones believe it or not they still exist block me. Use any phone I could get my hands on and he would answer block. I even created fake number apps maybe 200 of them im being real with you and myself he blocked them all. I finally stopped by like fourth of july.
B) I drove to families house at first and even was going to show up at his doctors apt. as I always brought him he told me you show I call the police. Really? all the abuse I never called the police. I stopped that immediately it only made me cry that was June activity.
C) Facebooked his family concerned only to here its not you it's the bottle and any his guy family members would say you need a real man like me he is back with his child's mother they are intimate again. My fight or flight was heightened. I called his mom she said that is not true but multiple sources said it all while wanting to get in my pants.
D) immersed myself in al anon got a sponsor but her story was to traumatic to listen to. She judged me as Im on anti depressants and talking to her and hearing the cheating, him dying, her kids a mess now I picked up that phone some more.
E) i noticed i did most of the calling, facebooking, etc acting ******* nuts in isolation in my bedroom. I would be all alone no 1 to talk 2 ruminating on the good times.
F) I quit my job which is ok i give myself grace it's high pressure, high stress, what have you done for me lately I'm a bright girl with all this chaos I was not producing. How i did it for 18 months no clue? I'm looking for a job now doing retail, library, bookstore quiet, peace, and serenity.
I changed my number about 2 weeks ago and started sleeping at my mom's to get out of iso that's when her phone rings. I cave pay the bill, change all the codes etc. I guess I was mad I broke no contact and he said shut up in nicer words and he would call me back. No ty no call back.
I did it out of anger, anxiety, and sadness that he used a death for me to pay a bill when I'm currently unemployed.
Yesterday I called the cell phone company he never even tried to turn it back on which enraged me I paid it until the 10th of August. His mom said don't give him his code you are better than him let him learn the hard way.
I know how manipulative he is did someone buy him a new phone because he fake loved me for quite a lot or did those crocodile tears get some one to feel bad like I did.
Finally, today i cut the **** cleaned my house, took myself to olive garden, nice bath, read, submitted applications I understand they are sick it progressed big time fast. Scary fast.
I realize I'm powerless over all these questions does he have a new phone, is he with someone else. I'm sure they go wherever they can use someone for a roof, alcohol, support etc.
I'm in the fall out. Stepping back from Al-anon for a few weeks. Gym, employment, spirituliaty, and no iso. I got an abuse therapist I'm seeing Monday to help me deal with the fall out, my regular therapist as well on Monday. Church in the morning things I stopped doing when I catered to him.
Social media is down i deleted mine and he is blocked on my mom's FB, it appears his phone he has no interest in turning his phone back on either he is passed out or using it in a wifi section or another sucker bought him a new one. If anything I dodged a bullet. I know he can try to come back around as he knows I fall for the crap. I cant. So i guess today is day 2 of No contact seriously......................................... .I know I look nuts to the veterans I helped so much it hurt and he hurt me so bad. I embarassed myself so much i'm humiliated but nobody embarassed, humiliated, and put me down more than him. I was searching for answers I will never get. I'm reading my Al anon books and will go back soon for right now I think I need to center in on myself. I think a domestic and verbal abuse therapist might be great. This isnt my fault. I know I'm powerless. Please don't beat me up I am my own worst enemy. Has anyone been where I am? I realize I will never get answers so move on. I even downloaded a no contact app on my phone which tracks your progress. I don't want to look like a stalker over someone who lost a great job I got him, no car, and no money who hurt me so bad. I guess like he was addicted to the booze I was addicted to the abuse and chaos and when it got quiet I wanted to stir something up as that's how he was. NUTS!!!!!
Who cares what I did I was heartbroken, ghosted, and concerned. Leave my stupid mistakes in the past who cares what anyone thinks. He knows deep down he treated me like trash on a hot August day.
Get dressed, stay out of iso, take care of me, and if he found someone else to get him a new phone Thank you God.
Yes, i promise I will get to Al-anon but it was just not the right one so im reading and focusing on therapy and hobbies and will pick back up in a couple of weeks. Please don't judge me any vets do this in the beginning. Chasing things your powerless over?
God Bless you for reading my novel
I know all the vets will be mad please go easy on me. It ended June 7th
i could not function or think of anything to do for a hobby even as all i knew was him. It's very sick.
I embarassed myself many times:
A) after he ghosted me no idea why at all i called non stop no impulse control. He blocked me. I would go to pay phones believe it or not they still exist block me. Use any phone I could get my hands on and he would answer block. I even created fake number apps maybe 200 of them im being real with you and myself he blocked them all. I finally stopped by like fourth of july.
B) I drove to families house at first and even was going to show up at his doctors apt. as I always brought him he told me you show I call the police. Really? all the abuse I never called the police. I stopped that immediately it only made me cry that was June activity.
C) Facebooked his family concerned only to here its not you it's the bottle and any his guy family members would say you need a real man like me he is back with his child's mother they are intimate again. My fight or flight was heightened. I called his mom she said that is not true but multiple sources said it all while wanting to get in my pants.
D) immersed myself in al anon got a sponsor but her story was to traumatic to listen to. She judged me as Im on anti depressants and talking to her and hearing the cheating, him dying, her kids a mess now I picked up that phone some more.
E) i noticed i did most of the calling, facebooking, etc acting ******* nuts in isolation in my bedroom. I would be all alone no 1 to talk 2 ruminating on the good times.
F) I quit my job which is ok i give myself grace it's high pressure, high stress, what have you done for me lately I'm a bright girl with all this chaos I was not producing. How i did it for 18 months no clue? I'm looking for a job now doing retail, library, bookstore quiet, peace, and serenity.
I changed my number about 2 weeks ago and started sleeping at my mom's to get out of iso that's when her phone rings. I cave pay the bill, change all the codes etc. I guess I was mad I broke no contact and he said shut up in nicer words and he would call me back. No ty no call back.
I did it out of anger, anxiety, and sadness that he used a death for me to pay a bill when I'm currently unemployed.
Yesterday I called the cell phone company he never even tried to turn it back on which enraged me I paid it until the 10th of August. His mom said don't give him his code you are better than him let him learn the hard way.
I know how manipulative he is did someone buy him a new phone because he fake loved me for quite a lot or did those crocodile tears get some one to feel bad like I did.
Finally, today i cut the **** cleaned my house, took myself to olive garden, nice bath, read, submitted applications I understand they are sick it progressed big time fast. Scary fast.
I realize I'm powerless over all these questions does he have a new phone, is he with someone else. I'm sure they go wherever they can use someone for a roof, alcohol, support etc.
I'm in the fall out. Stepping back from Al-anon for a few weeks. Gym, employment, spirituliaty, and no iso. I got an abuse therapist I'm seeing Monday to help me deal with the fall out, my regular therapist as well on Monday. Church in the morning things I stopped doing when I catered to him.
Social media is down i deleted mine and he is blocked on my mom's FB, it appears his phone he has no interest in turning his phone back on either he is passed out or using it in a wifi section or another sucker bought him a new one. If anything I dodged a bullet. I know he can try to come back around as he knows I fall for the crap. I cant. So i guess today is day 2 of No contact seriously......................................... .I know I look nuts to the veterans I helped so much it hurt and he hurt me so bad. I embarassed myself so much i'm humiliated but nobody embarassed, humiliated, and put me down more than him. I was searching for answers I will never get. I'm reading my Al anon books and will go back soon for right now I think I need to center in on myself. I think a domestic and verbal abuse therapist might be great. This isnt my fault. I know I'm powerless. Please don't beat me up I am my own worst enemy. Has anyone been where I am? I realize I will never get answers so move on. I even downloaded a no contact app on my phone which tracks your progress. I don't want to look like a stalker over someone who lost a great job I got him, no car, and no money who hurt me so bad. I guess like he was addicted to the booze I was addicted to the abuse and chaos and when it got quiet I wanted to stir something up as that's how he was. NUTS!!!!!
Who cares what I did I was heartbroken, ghosted, and concerned. Leave my stupid mistakes in the past who cares what anyone thinks. He knows deep down he treated me like trash on a hot August day.
Get dressed, stay out of iso, take care of me, and if he found someone else to get him a new phone Thank you God.
Yes, i promise I will get to Al-anon but it was just not the right one so im reading and focusing on therapy and hobbies and will pick back up in a couple of weeks. Please don't judge me any vets do this in the beginning. Chasing things your powerless over?
God Bless you for reading my novel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
It sounds like that Alanon group and your sponsor were definitely not right. Your relationship w/your sponsor shouldn't have been about HER and HER traumatic story! Unfortunately, there can be some very dysfunctional groups and individuals, and I'm sorry you happened into that situation.
Keep trying. You've made a start. It's going to take time to get over all this and to get healthy again. Do your reading, therapy and hobbies. Make sure to keep reading and posting here, too.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep trying. You've made a start. It's going to take time to get over all this and to get healthy again. Do your reading, therapy and hobbies. Make sure to keep reading and posting here, too.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
What’s done is done.
It’s water under the bridge.
Sometimes we are our own worst critic
We have all been in your shoes.
Here’s how I see it, you can either continue to beat yourself up, or surrender. Acknowledge mistakes have been made, we all have made choices and decisions based on our emotional state of mind. Rarely, do those choices have a healthy outcome.
We arrive at today, it’s normal to feel defeated, sad, lost and confused.
You have the opportunity to reclaim your power, take your life back. This doesn’t happen overnight. Once we make the decision to restore sanity and normalcy to our lives, the healing begins. Embrace and celebrate every positive step. Stay connected with family and friends. Challenge yourself to experience new activities. There is a whole wide world waiting for you to explore, he is not your security , or your happily ever after, YOU are.
Go easy on yourself, reliving the toxic past on a daily basis keeps us stuck in a painful rut, maybe just for today, get out of the house and go see what is happening in the world around you.
You will not always feel this way, this too is a moment in time. Take care of you.
It’s water under the bridge.
Sometimes we are our own worst critic
We have all been in your shoes.
Here’s how I see it, you can either continue to beat yourself up, or surrender. Acknowledge mistakes have been made, we all have made choices and decisions based on our emotional state of mind. Rarely, do those choices have a healthy outcome.
We arrive at today, it’s normal to feel defeated, sad, lost and confused.
You have the opportunity to reclaim your power, take your life back. This doesn’t happen overnight. Once we make the decision to restore sanity and normalcy to our lives, the healing begins. Embrace and celebrate every positive step. Stay connected with family and friends. Challenge yourself to experience new activities. There is a whole wide world waiting for you to explore, he is not your security , or your happily ever after, YOU are.
Go easy on yourself, reliving the toxic past on a daily basis keeps us stuck in a painful rut, maybe just for today, get out of the house and go see what is happening in the world around you.
You will not always feel this way, this too is a moment in time. Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Has anyone been where you’ve been?
Multitudes.
There is an old and dangerous idea about no meds in AA and Al Anon. There is an official brochure that tries to dispel this unofficial stance, but it is out there.
Your ex~sponsor is a good warning to NOT pick a sponsor immediately. Remember you went to a room of codependents and some of them are seriously not getting it. Word vomiting their trauma on you is a sign they are in no way ready to be a sponsor. Many of the people I met at meetings have never worked on all of the steps. They just go to meetings for that sense of calm that lasts a few hours or a day. You want someone who is calm. Someone who has done the steps. Someone who has the time to work with you and not a rack full of active people like a feather in their cap. It might take you awhile to find such a sponsor. You might find your counselor might be super useful and you might not really need a sponsor as they can fulfill that objective, supporting & listening ear.
Keep working on building your no contact. Remember you are addicted to your Ex. You yourself are withdrawing from the high you got trying to save him.
Good luck on your job hunt!
Multitudes.
There is an old and dangerous idea about no meds in AA and Al Anon. There is an official brochure that tries to dispel this unofficial stance, but it is out there.
Your ex~sponsor is a good warning to NOT pick a sponsor immediately. Remember you went to a room of codependents and some of them are seriously not getting it. Word vomiting their trauma on you is a sign they are in no way ready to be a sponsor. Many of the people I met at meetings have never worked on all of the steps. They just go to meetings for that sense of calm that lasts a few hours or a day. You want someone who is calm. Someone who has done the steps. Someone who has the time to work with you and not a rack full of active people like a feather in their cap. It might take you awhile to find such a sponsor. You might find your counselor might be super useful and you might not really need a sponsor as they can fulfill that objective, supporting & listening ear.
Keep working on building your no contact. Remember you are addicted to your Ex. You yourself are withdrawing from the high you got trying to save him.
Good luck on your job hunt!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
You are right, you were searching for answers that you will never get. The focus needs to be on you every day... you are doing good, keep it up.
Alcoholism has the ability to drive everyone involved to the brink of insanity, been there and still slip up and find myself there from time to time again...
you are not perfect, none of us are, but it must have been kind of cleansing to get all of that out, you are owning it, and owning your actions, I think that’s good.
Keep it up and keep telling yourself to take it one day at a time, which at times might need to take it one hour or one minute at a time.
Hugs to you! You are ok and you are enough and worth putting forth all of your effort to YOU!
Alcoholism has the ability to drive everyone involved to the brink of insanity, been there and still slip up and find myself there from time to time again...
you are not perfect, none of us are, but it must have been kind of cleansing to get all of that out, you are owning it, and owning your actions, I think that’s good.
Keep it up and keep telling yourself to take it one day at a time, which at times might need to take it one hour or one minute at a time.
Hugs to you! You are ok and you are enough and worth putting forth all of your effort to YOU!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Your story is almost identical to another poster here last month, you might find some good advice there as well:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...orial-day.html (Newcomer tough memorial day)
To read more threads by this poster just click on their name on the left of their post and choose "view other threads".
Good luck
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...orial-day.html (Newcomer tough memorial day)
To read more threads by this poster just click on their name on the left of their post and choose "view other threads".
Good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree that what is done is done. You need to keep the focus on NO CONTACT and on YOU, and your own healing. It sounds like you have lined up a good support system, use them. Tell the truth no matter how hard it is. Cleanse your soul.
If Alanon is not your thing, maybe look and see if there is a Celebrate Recovery around you. It's much the same and saved me from some of my darkest days.
Big hugs.
If Alanon is not your thing, maybe look and see if there is a Celebrate Recovery around you. It's much the same and saved me from some of my darkest days.
Big hugs.
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