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Mango212 07-19-2018 08:22 PM

Wonderful day
 
Faced fears.

Ate well.

Finding great hope, faith and trust in this healing process.

Went for a quick scenic drive this evening.

mamabear26 07-19-2018 11:27 PM

I'm glad you had a good day Mango. The good days give us hope to continuing pushing forward.

Mango212 07-20-2018 04:19 PM

Still traveling. Not in the direction I expected. Much like life. :)

I've been to a nearby city briefly a year ago with my husband and kid. I drove through this area once last winter.

This is new territory. Being here, on my own with kid, exploring new things to do. Huge new territory emotionally. Good stuff. Taking another big leap of faith that I'm right where I'm meant to be.

Making plans to go to an art museum this evening.

Mango212 07-20-2018 06:15 PM

Just arrived at the art museum!! I am so excited! Pulled in by a beach on the way here. They have very affordable kayak, paddleboard and canoe rentals. This area is absolutely beautiful and I'm having a great time.

Life, possibilities and going places is so much easier than the abusers in my life ever wanted me to know. This is a physical, spiritual and psychological breaking free!!

Words and signs I keep seeing this week and especially today have included:

Freedom

Independence

Peacefulness

Mango212 07-22-2018 08:39 AM

One wonderful day at a time, being strung together.

Wonder-filled. In awe of life, of what I'm finding around me, of my own strength. Opening my heart to this day. Traveling. Living. New explorations.

Kid and I went to our first pro soccer game last night. I loved the rhythm of chanting, drums and music, the precision, control and finesse of the players, and joining in with fan traditions.

All the good is releasing a huge tidal wave of emotions within me. I let them flow. I heal. This has it's own pace.

#lifeisgood #onedayatatime

Mango212 07-23-2018 09:37 AM


Originally Posted by Mango212 (Post 6959473)

Faced fears.

Ate well.

Finding great hope, faith and trust in this healing process.

Went for a quick scenic drive this evening.

Using this as my framework today. I have fears to face.

Prayer: God/Universe/Great Spirit, please guide my heart, thoughts, words and actions.

Meditation: I open my heart to this new day.

Mango212 07-23-2018 10:26 PM

This is a wonderful day.

I am f-ing stressed.


One does not negate the other.


I stood up to 3 bullies in my life today. Took the high road. Faced big fears. This sucks. I felt better for a brief time. Then the aftershocks came and I'm feeling shaky, sick, exhausted.

This too shall pass (thank you, honeypig!) and I know from the process of this I'll be okay. These rebound feelings are less strong, less intense and shorter lasting. Not even on the same scale as the huge reactions I was having a year ago. So I sit here, shaking inside, steadier on the outside than an hour ago and speaking of all this because it's a huge part of my therapy.

Life goes on. The sunrise was beautiful. The sunset spectacular. Many, many good moments in between.

Mango212 07-24-2018 04:12 AM

Recovering from trauma bonds, co-dependency and many years of living with alcoholism in the home.

One day at a time.

My Al-anon sponsor likened it to giving up drugs. My drugs were the alcoholic, "people pleasing", perfectionism and fixing perceived problems. I could handle loads of chaos and felt "good" doing it. Giving up my "drugs" while having therapy, counseling and support from others who've been through this has given me freedom from stress and anxiety a healthy person would have naturally recognized and avoided.

Mango212 07-24-2018 04:16 AM

This is the second time I've been in "No Contact" with my alcoholic husband, who started drinking again. The first time was much harder to do and very healing for me. That was last fall. We've been married for 30+ years.

I've now been in No Contact for 8 weeks. Life is getting easier, bigger, better and more interesting.


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