Taking the steps...

Old 07-18-2018, 12:44 PM
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Taking the steps...

I may have found a place that I can afford and it is available September 1st AND has a fenced in yard for my babies!!!!
😁😁😁😁😁
Going to see it tomorrow!
So excited and terrified!
Have a call into legal resource and they are going to call me back tomorrow, it is free, just need to get my bearings on filing and such.
Terrified doesn’t begin to describe how I am feeling, and passed I have to give up my beautiful home 😪
But onward with living life on my terms not my AH’s!
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Old 07-18-2018, 01:51 PM
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ST, I suspect you are going to feel a LOT less confused and terrified once you give yourself the perspective that only comes from time and distance. You're doing great!
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Old 07-18-2018, 02:21 PM
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Scary Time...….I hope that you like the place and that you can get it. A fenced yard for the babies is a critical asset, I know.....
I get your tears over leaving the house that you have lived in...that is only human....I have done the same.....
Once you accept the reality of what you know that you have to do....the tomorrow will look brighter...…

You can make any place "your own" and special....by adding your own unique touches....and, it can be challenging and fun.....


the following website, that is arranged by state, may be helpful for you, just now....
www.womansdivorce.com
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Old 07-18-2018, 02:29 PM
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I remember how terrifying that time in my life was.

Sending you peace, strength and lots and lots of luck to get the place!!

OH - life is pretty freaking amazing not too many months on the other side of the whole mess! <3
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Old 07-18-2018, 02:34 PM
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Thank you dandy and SparkleKitty, I am kind of excited to have my very own space just for me and my doggies! It is a townhouse but hoping it can work... the yard is huge and totally fenced in! 😂
I am a very responsible doggy owner but am a little afraid cuz one of my babes is quite vocal...
I know, getting ahead of myself,
I have to remember ODAAT!
Thank you so much for the link dandy, I did check it out before but was still in denial...
wish me luck, big day tomorrow! 😁
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Old 07-18-2018, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by firebolt View Post
I remember how terrifying that time in my life was.

Sending you peace, strength and lots and lots of luck to get the place!!

OH - life is pretty freaking amazing not too many months on the other side of the whole mess! <3
Thanks fire bolt! That’s what I am looking forward to!!!
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Old 07-19-2018, 01:31 PM
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Thinking of you today! Good luck!!! (((hugs)))

It does get easier.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...965-faith.html (Faith)
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Old 07-19-2018, 01:41 PM
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I hope you really liked it, look forward to your update!
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Old 07-19-2018, 02:55 PM
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Well the place was a no. I cannot believe how nervous I was going to see it though.
I did call my medical centers legal resource however. Got the number for the state bar and will call them tomorrow - reduced cost for legal consult and they will refer me to an atty.
I am finding myself wanting to talk to him again and just plead with him to be a decent human being and stop being so heartless. I cannot wrap my head around narcissism - I just don’t get how people can be so unfeeling toward others, especially their significant other. Wow! It really blows me away. I know I will just leave any conversation about it feeling worse... I can’t help wanting to do it though.
Ugh!
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:04 PM
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Congrats on each and every step!

No Contact has been the greatest skill I've learned in bringing healing and good, amazing, fun things into my life.

One day at a time. Let go and let God.
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
Thinking of you today! Good luck!!! (((hugs)))

It does get easier.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...965-faith.html (Faith)
Thank you! I made a screen shot of that and put it as my background on my phone.
I don’t know what was with me today... could’ve broke down In Sobs at any moment today... I wish I was just mad, but I am not I am so hurt and floored that he would do that...
Said he is working late today, I am wondering if he is speaking to an attny? I thought we could sit down as adults and get through this but I think I would end up with the short end of the stick if we did that. Just so, so hurt... ☹️
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
Congrats on each and every step!

No Contact has been the greatest skill I've learned in bringing healing and good, amazing, fun things into my life.

One day at a time. Let go and let God.
Yes I know.... 😊 thank you for the reminder, I haven’t had that one running through my head... “let go and let god”... that’s a good one and a tough one for me! I am a problem solver and I cannot solve the issues in my own marriage! I have the slogans going through my head and the serenity prayer.
Can’t go no contact as we are living in the same house... but he typically goes downstairs and watches tv or goes to match.com (I know that was a snide comment but couldn’t resist), and I sit upstairs and do homework and let my dogs in and out a bazillion times. It is a pitiful existence we both have at this point.
I go out with friends and do stuff and such on the weekend and of course my al anon mtgs and therapy, but it is being in the same space (really the same zip code) as him that is really bothersome.
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Old 07-19-2018, 04:05 PM
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ScaryTime…..you are doing the "next right thing"....which is about all you can do, right now. While grieving....you will be running the gamut of emotions and ru m innating ….like a kalidescope or thoughts and emotions....
I hope you can hang on to the angry ones for a while...because that can be a great motivator....

Alcoholics do what alcoholics do...they drink to make themselves better...and, do anything that comes with the drinking to make themselves feel better....like lie and blame and cheat, etc....it is all about them and their feelings....
They don't usually do those things to deliberately hurt the other person, as their goal....(though it DOES hurt the other person)….For the other person (You)…the how and why of his mind doesn't really matter, in the end....the action still hurts the same.....
It doesn't matter how the cow ate the cabbage....the cabbage has been eaten, and nothing can change that......
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
ScaryTime…..you are doing the "next right thing"....which is about all you can do, right now. While grieving....you will be running the gamut of emotions and ru m innating ….like a kalidescope or thoughts and emotions....
I hope you can hang on to the angry ones for a while...because that can be a great motivator....

Alcoholics do what alcoholics do...they drink to make themselves better...and, do anything that comes with the drinking to make themselves feel better....like lie and blame and cheat, etc....it is all about them and their feelings....
They don't usually do those things to deliberately hurt the other person, as their goal....(though it DOES hurt the other person)….For the other person (You)…the how and why of his mind doesn't really matter, in the end....the action still hurts the same.....
It doesn't matter how the cow ate the cabbage....the cabbage has been eaten, and nothing can change that......
Yes, you are right. I feel like I have taken steps back in my own recovery in that I am again resentful and angry and hurt. Reading my daily readings. I am terrible at meditation, I can’t focus.
Off today so am going to call the state bar shortly. He “worked late” last night and didn’t get home till after 8 pm. Seriously do not believe him. Sat here and tried to do schoolwork and that was a fail and cried.
Finally told myself ENOUGH! And got up and did my workout and then by the time he got home I had found my peace again, whew! If he would’ve come home before my workout I would’ve laid my heart on the floor for him to stomp on again. Thank heavens for my higher power and getting me up and doing something.
Thanks for the response dandy! I really appreciate your insight and candidness... it helps immensely!
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:35 AM
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I just don’t get how people can be so unfeeling toward others, especially their significant other.
That’s because you are not his significant other – the bottle is.
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Old 07-20-2018, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
That’s because you are not his significant other – the bottle is.
Yes, there’s that isn’t there? 😪
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Old 07-20-2018, 03:00 PM
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ST,
I read on this forum years ago from a sober alcoholic, that it was months of sobriety before he realized all the pain that he had caused from his drinking. While he was living it, all he was trying to do was protect the bottle. Don't take it personally, I am sure he loves you, but has a disease that makes him do really bad things. Sending hugs that this is Gods plan for us, not yours. Follow the path and it will fall into place the way it's supposed too.
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by maia1234 View Post
ST,
I read on this forum years ago from a sober alcoholic, that it was months of sobriety before he realized all the pain that he had caused from his drinking. While he was living it, all he was trying to do was protect the bottle. Don't take it personally, I am sure he loves you, but has a disease that makes him do really bad things. Sending hugs that this is Gods plan for us, not yours. Follow the path and it will fall into place the way it's supposed too.
Yes, that is a good point too. However I have given the disease 19 years of my own self worth and I cannot do so anymore. I truly believe that even without the btl he is narcissistic and doesn’t truly give a damn about anything but himself. I think that it is incorrect in saying that he loves “me”. I believe that I could be anyone as long as he has the ability to manipulate them into what he wants. I am sick and tired of giving myself up to this disease and his narcissism. He doesn’t care about “me” he cares about being alone. And even told me that. If he wanted this marriage he would stand up and fight for it instead of going out on a dating website....
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:51 PM
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ST,
Yes you have gone the distance with him, wow 19 years. So what is your plan?
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by maia1234 View Post
ST,
Yes you have gone the distance with him, wow 19 years. So what is your plan?
Sketchy at this point...looked at a townhouse for rent but problem is I have three doggies that will be coming with me.... I want to eventually move west where there is no snow! I am done with snow and alcoholism! 😊 but I have a good job here and am getting my bachelor degree next month (yay)! So am hoping I can get something in the interim until divorce is done and then pack up my babies (doggies) and go to Arizona, California, or somewhere I can breath again.
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