Mamapajama

I’m at my wits end w/ah. I went to one once but didn’t tell him because of how he reacts to any mention of AA or Al-anon (he isn’t a fan lol). He’s not physical but he pouts/ghosts me or starts telling me how awful I am (quack?) if his precious is at all mentioned in a negative light.

I am no longer walking on eggshells around him and am not worried he’s going to ‘punish’ me by ignoring me/kids by staying downstairs. He finds any excuse to do that so I’m not going to bother anymore.

He is under the impression that all he needs is to get a job and everything will be fine. It’s not and I know it. I am thinking I will ask him to leave once he does get a job. I’m just done.

I just wonder if others avoided setting off the alcoholic by avoiding certain subjects? I don’t see the point in getting involved in yet another circular pointless fight that the kids have to see/hear.

dandylion

Mmapajama…..he doesn't even have to know that you are going....but, if you are put on the spot and feel that you have to say something......you can always say that you are going to a "woman's group" because you are seeking self improvement.....(lol...that isn't a lie...and there are. usually, more women than men)…….
I agree...that there is no point in dealing with issues that cause pointless arguments.....You need to protect yourself...and, of course...protect those kids....

BeachPlease

I agree with dandy. He doesn't even have to know. Al-anon is for you, not him.

Sasha1972

I don't think you need to tell him that you're going to an Al Anon meeting. Why would he need that information? All he really needs to know is that you're going out and you'll be back around [time] (and maybe he doesn't even need to know that).

DontRemember

I wouldn't. He does his 'thing'..do yours.

My exAgf would get mad when I went to AA. I'm assuming her 'normal' felt threatened. Again..Ex.

Seren

I must admit, I wouldn't say anything either, if I were in your shoes. Anything to minimize the drama

Mamapajama

Thanks everyone! I’m just going to say I’m going to a meeting. It’s technically the truth. If he asks further I’ll tell him al-anon.

I am sick of trying to manage his moods/feelings. He finds a reason to be offended at anything so he can have a excuse to drink anyway.

I can’t even count how many ‘meetings’ he has gone to with work buddies that were strangely held in bars at happy hour.

AnvilheadII

i'm not sure you have to say much at all to this guy......however.....please make sure that he is not put in charge of minding young children in your absence.

atalose

Do you regularly go to “meetings” like for work where you stating that you are going to a meeting wouldn't be suspicious? I mean if your intent is to not set him off, why even play on those tracks at all.

How about, you’re going shopping or you need to go help a friend.

Mamapajama

He is with them alone when I work 1 night a week for 2.5 hours. I get a sitter when it’s longer. He usually stays downstairs and they stay upstairs. My kids are 7, so young but not like 2-3 years old where they wander outside in the street. Still, not ideal.

Mamapajama

I guess I’d rather be somewhat truthful. He sometimes tracks me via find I phone. If he found out he would be a huge martyr about it. It would be a valid reason for him to feel victimized.

SparkleKitty

Well. It would be an excuse for him to feel victimized. “Valid reason” is going a bit far, IMO.

Mamapajama

True!!