Non Religious Person and Al-Anon

Old 07-17-2018, 12:00 PM
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Because the meetings are all held at churches and the countless references to god in the 12 steps.
They're held in churches because they have the most affordable meeting space. Groups are self-supporting through their own contributions and pay rent. The 12 Steps are a spiritual program, not religious. I'm anti-religion as well and wouldn't be a 12 Step program if they were based on religion.
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Old 07-17-2018, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Russell142 View Post
Because the meetings are all held at churches and the countless references to god in the 12 steps.
Don't gloss over the part that so many have highlighted above - OF OUR UNDERSTANDING. Every reference to "God" in each step after that carries that same disclaimer.... they aren't trying to pound religion into your head by reusing that word over & over. It's just a word that often allows people to have common ground/common language - that's it.

The only thing that it really matters is that your "God" is outside of your Self. You can't be your own god, lol.

It could be religious or Nature or a doorknob - it just matters that you believe in something, anything, bigger than you yourself.

It's also important to know that the program is more than JUST the steps, and there's no rulebook that says you have to go through them in order to benefit from the program. (many do, so it is a big part of normal for this program, but it's not required)

Just listening costs you nothing, right?
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Old 07-17-2018, 01:50 PM
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One Alanon member chose the tree outside her window as her "something greater", something beyond herself. It grew. It let go of it's leaves. It had new buds in the springtime. It rested over the winter. It drank in water and nutrients. And the woman prayed, rested and opened to living in new ways.

When she moved and said good-bye to the tree, she still had a new faith grounded inside her.
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Old 07-18-2018, 05:44 AM
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Hello Russell,

It took me years to go from knowing about Al Anon and walking into a meeting in a church on a Sunday night. So I get the barrier of time and the concern about it being cultishly religious...

There are people who don’t believe in God yet their family belongs to a church for the community it offers. Al Anon is a community which can help you if you choose to try it with an open mind.

Good luck!
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Old 07-18-2018, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Russell142 View Post
Because the meetings are all held at churches and the countless references to god in the 12 steps.
would you prefer they be held in rathole bars and talk about satan?
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Old 07-18-2018, 12:12 PM
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Thank you for your helpful reply Tomsteve.
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Old 07-18-2018, 07:40 PM
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So did you actually go to a meeting yet, Russell, or pick up an Alanon book like "How Alanon Works" (probably a great starting place) or "Paths to Recovery"? The books are available used on Amazon at a very reasonable price. It's about the easiest way to look into Alanon that I can imagine.

There are also a ton of other threads here where people asked about Alanon . A quick search of the site will give you even more info.
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:43 AM
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Russell - I sent you a private message.
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Old 07-19-2018, 04:14 AM
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Originally Posted by donewithhurting View Post
Russell - I sent you a private message.
He'll not able to receive it until he has more posts on the board. I think you need a minimum of 10 posts to start using the PM function.... plus with the changes after our last trolling he needs to add you as a friend first in order to accept the PM.

Just FYI in case you don't get a response.
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
plus with the changes after our last trolling he needs to add you as a friend first in order to accept the PM.
Hmm, not to hijack the thread, but I can and do send and receive PMs with people who are not on my "friend/contact list." Is there more to this that I don't know about?
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by honeypig View Post
Hmm, not to hijack the thread, but I can and do send and receive PMs with people who are not on my "friend/contact list." Is there more to this that I don't know about?
Maybe they changed it back? I'm talking about this:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-settings.html (OT - hey, tomsteve & all of you that changed your PM settings :))
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:32 AM
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It seems that if you check the "Enable Private Messaging" box, this covers it all, since I have it checked and have never had a problem sending or receiving. However, there is another, different box that will only allow PMs from mods and contacts, so maybe checking that one instead is what causes the problem?

Thanks for the info--it's one of those areas of the forum that I seldom venture into, kind of a "set it and forget it" thing for me! Good reminders to check on everything once in a while to make sure I still want those particular options...
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:33 AM
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donewithhurting- thank you for your private message. I received it but I do not have the ability to write back yet.

honeypig- Not yet but I'm hoping to go to one next week.
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Russell142 View Post
donewithhurting- thank you for your private message. I received it but I do not have the ability to write back yet.
If you go to 5 other threads and post something along the lines of "Hi, I'm new here, thanks for sharing" in each one, you'll get your 10 posts and have your full super powers here at SR, Russell!
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Old 08-04-2018, 03:54 AM
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Hi Russell, are you still around?

Sending good wishes. Healing happens one day at a time, for many, many people on both sides of this family disease of alcoholism. Baby steps. Easy does it.
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Old 08-04-2018, 07:53 AM
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Hi Russell, for what it's worth, I'm a religious person (Christian) who often gets really irked by lots of other religious people. So in going to AlAnon, I worried that I'd be surrounded by the kind of sanctimonious people that I get irked by. However, I found that wasn't the case. Some people are into a lot of God talk, others (like me) save our God stuff for somewhere else and go to AlAnon for experience, strength and hope.

I did stumble a bit on the higher-power business, but when I thought about what there was that was bigger than me, and that potentially had the power to change my life, I came up with "creativity". I could go into a long thing about why this particular idea worked for me but I won't - suffice it to say that my sponsor and everyone else was completely fine with this interpretation of "higher power".
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:54 AM
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Hey Russell142,
Welcome!
Non-religious person here who has gone to AlAnon meetings for decades. It was the thing that most turned my head around when I was in my twenties in relation to my growing up with an A father and having to come to terms with my 3 brothers' alcoholism, and how was I going to cope???

I did have a variety of meetings to choose from, since I live in a big city, they all had their own group personalities.

People spoke a lot abut the higher power concept, for some it was convenient they had a God they already believed in, for others they just made their cat their higher power. For me it was the concept that was important, it is the concept of letting go, the concept of accepting that I could not control things.

I never felt oppressed by people in the meeting who were super religious. Live and let live. Those people in the meetings weren't the problem! My problem was learning how to deal with my alcoholic loved ones whose insanity was tearing me apart, and was distracting me from my own goals, dreams and problems.

Following the AlAon program whether it referenced God or Dog is what helped me. I didn't let semantics or annoyance get in my way! That's what alcoholics do - they use any excuse to say, "That doesn't work for me! I'm not like them!" and they just keep drinking. So I realized I could keep feeling sick and obsessing about my A loved ones or I could follow directions and get healthy in the head and stop my own destructive patterns. Keep an open mind.

Peace,
B.
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Old 08-04-2018, 09:51 AM
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Russell,
Its a great question, as I am sure many people are concerned about walking into some "cult" type enviornment. I worked at a church and we had 7 meetings a week. Our church was open everyday even holidays, to support the alanon and the AA members that needed help. The meetings never took a day off and we never closed our doors. As said above churchs are a safe and cheap place to have meetings, and there are churchs in every town. The Church community feels that there are people in need, and we have open rooms to help either a "parishioner or neighbor" in the community.

I walked into my first meeting scared to death, wondering if "maybe" my husband was an alcoholic. I was shocked when I walked out of the meeting realizing he was. I went to a couple meetings and bought some books and would read them. But, I didn't go back for another 10 years, when I was at my lows of lows, as alcoholism is one of those progressive disease. It only gets worse

I realized I couldn't survive being an alcoholics wife, he was the addict and I was going crazy. SR, alanon and open aa meetings (open aa meetings are for friends, family and addicts) saved my life. For 30 years I tried to control the situation, once I stepped aside and let things happen as they were supposed to, my life calmed down. Facts I learned in all my meetings.

We are all come to alanon looking for that piece of paper on "how to get our alcohlic sober and live happily ever after", it just doesnt exist. Then you really realize the meetings are about how are you are feeling today and what I can do to take care of myself today. Its about self care and putting on your oxygen mask first, which for a long time we didn't even have enough time to breath.

Keep reading this forum . This place is an amazing support for all of us. Hang in there my friend, you have nothing to lose by checking out a meeting!! Its not a "God thing".
((((((((hugs))))))))))
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Old 08-05-2018, 05:04 PM
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I don't believe in God, think organized religions are simply guilt and fear-based control systems designed specifically to consolidate power and perpetuate sexism, racism, and violence against others, and can't take anybody seriously who thinks the world is 6,000 years old.

I absolutely, unequivocally, believe in Alanon. It has worked in my life since November of 2003.
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