As Always, More Was Revealed...
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As Always, More Was Revealed...
Some of you may remember my post back in the Spring about my AXH trying to get out of paying me the money he owes me and then being extremely nasty when I expected him to follow the court order...
Full story here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eir-spots.html (Leopards and Their Spots)
It took a few months but I learned a few more details...
Aside from the burden of having to support his unemployed alcoholic significant other, he had also gotten himself another DUI and had to have the breathalyzer installed in his vehicle. Those things are not cheap, plus whatever other fines and expenses went along with the charge. Apparently it was a case of being hungover and driving to get stuff to make breakfast... and still blowing too high at a roadside check. It's weird to me that at that time of day there would be a roadblock out looking for drunk drivers but I guess ya never know...
He made a point of apologizing to my daughter for the language he used to me in the email correspondence last Spring. She didn't know anything about it, I hadn't told her. Glad I took the high road on that one because she ended up making him feel ashamed for it. He outted himself to her, something he never would have done, but he thought for sure I would have told her. He was wrong and had to admit it to her. She told him , " Mum and I don't $hit-talk you... she never told me about this. You should be apologizing to her not me! She probably would have been willing to negotiate with you if you hadn't been such an ass, but I doubt she would now though and I don't blame her!"
He made it "clear" to my kids if he loses the house it is MY fault.... "It is the only thing he has and he wants to leave it to them, but if that doesn't happen they can blame me for that" Daughter doesn't believe this to be true and I hope my son doesn't either. They have both heard him complaining about his money situation, blaming it on me and then spending money on ridiculous purchases.
He took my 24yr daughter aside to show her his shaking hands and caution her about not becoming an alcoholic like him.
So that's my update. As always, more was revealed. Him "being at the end of his financial rope" wasn't my fault after all( I knew it wasn't!), but a further series of bad choices on his part... but he is still blaming me. Despite the fact he can admit to being an alcoholic he still can't take responsibility for his actions, all his consequences are somebody else's fault.... go figure.
It hasn't always been easy to take the high road but I am getting better at it. I am glad I did. I have never been a patient person, especially when I have been wronged, I used to want to retaliate... but I didn't in this instance, I was calm, I was rational, and I didn't disparage him to our kids. It worked out in my favor. I'm digging this personal growth stuff!
(However, I have a ways to go, I'm a tad too gleeful the way things turned out when he "apologized" to daughter for mistreating me. What an @$$)
Moral of the story: More is ALWAYS revealed
Full story here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eir-spots.html (Leopards and Their Spots)
It took a few months but I learned a few more details...
Aside from the burden of having to support his unemployed alcoholic significant other, he had also gotten himself another DUI and had to have the breathalyzer installed in his vehicle. Those things are not cheap, plus whatever other fines and expenses went along with the charge. Apparently it was a case of being hungover and driving to get stuff to make breakfast... and still blowing too high at a roadside check. It's weird to me that at that time of day there would be a roadblock out looking for drunk drivers but I guess ya never know...
He made a point of apologizing to my daughter for the language he used to me in the email correspondence last Spring. She didn't know anything about it, I hadn't told her. Glad I took the high road on that one because she ended up making him feel ashamed for it. He outted himself to her, something he never would have done, but he thought for sure I would have told her. He was wrong and had to admit it to her. She told him , " Mum and I don't $hit-talk you... she never told me about this. You should be apologizing to her not me! She probably would have been willing to negotiate with you if you hadn't been such an ass, but I doubt she would now though and I don't blame her!"
He made it "clear" to my kids if he loses the house it is MY fault.... "It is the only thing he has and he wants to leave it to them, but if that doesn't happen they can blame me for that" Daughter doesn't believe this to be true and I hope my son doesn't either. They have both heard him complaining about his money situation, blaming it on me and then spending money on ridiculous purchases.
He took my 24yr daughter aside to show her his shaking hands and caution her about not becoming an alcoholic like him.
So that's my update. As always, more was revealed. Him "being at the end of his financial rope" wasn't my fault after all( I knew it wasn't!), but a further series of bad choices on his part... but he is still blaming me. Despite the fact he can admit to being an alcoholic he still can't take responsibility for his actions, all his consequences are somebody else's fault.... go figure.
It hasn't always been easy to take the high road but I am getting better at it. I am glad I did. I have never been a patient person, especially when I have been wronged, I used to want to retaliate... but I didn't in this instance, I was calm, I was rational, and I didn't disparage him to our kids. It worked out in my favor. I'm digging this personal growth stuff!
(However, I have a ways to go, I'm a tad too gleeful the way things turned out when he "apologized" to daughter for mistreating me. What an @$$)
Moral of the story: More is ALWAYS revealed
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It hasn't always been easy to take the high road but I am getting better at it
Taking the high road is hard work, walking uphill requires strength and effort. Anyone can take the low road—walking downhill is easy.
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Sounds like he's running out of "open doors" with the kids as far as trying to blame shift goes. They'll see for themselves and form their own opinions of him. I remember my exwf was worried I'd trash talk her to our daughter. I told her I didn't need to as her actions do all the 'talking'. My daughter can't stand her mother and hasn't spoke to her in 6yrs on her own.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by DontRemember 
Sounds like he's running out of "open doors" with the kids as far as trying to blame shift goes. They'll see for themselves and form their own opinions of him. I remember my exwf was worried I'd trash talk her to our daughter. I told her I didn't need to as her actions do all the 'talking'. My daughter can't stand her mother and hasn't spoke to her in 6yrs on her own.
My almost 20yr son is still not happy with me as I was the one that chose to divorce his dad and break apart our family unit. I THINK he is starting to see the bigger picture but isn't ready to let go of his righteousness. I have moved far away and that hasn't helped our relationship. I am holding out hope that as he gains a bit more real grown up life experience he will realize that things were not quite as cut and dried as his teenaged assumptions were. Fingers crossed.
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