alwayscovering

When a codie dies, their qualifier's life flashes before their eyes.

Glenjo99

What's a qualifier?

dandylion

alwayscovering…...I actually heard it the other way around...When an alcoholic (or abuser) dies, their life flashes before the co-dependent's eyes"...…
either way....the point is still the same...lol....

dandylion

Glenjo…..a "qualifier" is the person (alcoholic or addict)...that has had an impact on a person's life....a negative impact.....

Grassalley17

Wow, that's powerful. One thing that came up at Al Anon the other day, was one of the members talking about her brother, who was a dr and an alcoholic. He finally got sober in his fifties. And, he said to her "as long as the alcoholic is alive, there's hope they will get better."

honeypig

There is always hope, yes. But that shouldn't be an excuse for me to not deal with my OWN problems and live my OWN life as best I can. B/c while there may be hope, there is certainly no guarantee...a quick read around the forum will show many, many stories where the A continues to drink, years and years after divorce, a car accident, declining health, and so on.

My X drank secretly, spending money from our retirement savings, almost from the time we first married. Once I became aware there was a problem and asked him to get help, he pretended to go to AA meetings for years--years. Since I hadn't done anything for myself, I didn't make any progress and didn't want to admit that nothing was getting better. After finally accepting that I had to make changes in my own life if I wanted to be happy and healthy, I divorced him after 19 years married and 21 years together. And he still drinks.

There is hope, but that didn't mean I needed to waste my own life away waiting for what might or might not happen w/his.

And the original post is one of those funny/not funny but oh so true things that recovery is so full of...