18 Emotions You Shouldnt Feel in a Healthy Relationship
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18 Emotions You Shouldnt Feel in a Healthy Relationship
i was looking up "obligation in relationships" and found this article. thought i'd share!
We go through a range of feelings when were in a relationship. But if youre faced with these unhealthy emotions, it may be time to cut it loose.
A relationship should feel like a support system, a safe haven, and a place to express yourself openly without being mocked or judged. Settling for less than you deserve by staying in a dead end or unsatisfying relationship will only make you feel more isolated and alone.
If a relationship affects your mental sanity, disrupts your inner peace, corrodes your self-esteem, and generally makes you feel more negative than positive, you should either let the relationship go or seek help in improving your relationship. People seek relationships in order to feel happy, accepted, and complete, but when you feel any of the following emotions, ask yourself, Whats the point of staying in a relationship thats doing more harm than good?
Emotions that shouldnt be felt in a healthy relationship
While no relationship is perfect, you still shouldnt settle for a relationship that always makes you feel any of the following emotions:
#1 Neglected. One of the greatest feelings in a relationship is knowing that someone cares about you and wants to make you happy. Feeling neglected in a relationship or feeling like youre left to fend for yourself is not a characteristic of any relationship that is worth sticking around for. A good partner will care about your needs and will strive to make you as happy as you make them.
#2 Alone. Companionship is what a relationship is all about. If you feel like you are alone all the time, ask yourself why youre even staying. If your partner is always leaving you to hang out with friends and forgetting that you have needs too, consider moving on.
#3 Belittled. A partner should love and appreciate you, shortcomings and all. If your partner always points out your flaws in order to make them feel better about themselves, its high time you find someone whos more accepting of what you have to offer.
#4 Afraid. A relationship is supposed to be a safe place in which you feel protected from the harsh realities of the world. If you feel like you are living in constant fear of abuse or disrespect, or generally dont feel safe with your partner, you need to break free before the problem escalates.
#5 Like walking on eggshells. If you feel like you are constantly on edge around your partner for fear of angry outbursts, accusations, or insults, this relationship is extremely unhealthy. You should be comfortable around your partner and not feel like you have to constantly monitor your actions in order to prevent a blowout.
#6 Unworthiness. A healthy relationship will make you feel confident and secure within your own skin. Feeling unattractive or undesirable as a result of your relationship is not a good sign that youre with the right person. Your confidence should never be lacking as a result of your partners words or actions.
#7 Inferior. Feeling powerless, inferior, or like you have no voice in your relationship is always a red flag. You should not lose your assertiveness or opinion as a result of your relationship. A relationship should feel like an equal partnership, not a struggle for control.
#8 Taken advantage of. If you feel taken advantage of in your relationship, or your partner makes you feel used, you arent being treated in a way that you deserve. Whether it be financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally, feeling like your partner is only with you based on the benefits you provide them is selfish to say the least.
#9 One-sided. Effort should be equal in a relationship. You shouldnt feel like you carry the sole responsibility for keeping the relationship afloat. Your partner should be meeting you halfway, and if they arent pulling their weight, consider leaving them behind.
#10 Manipulated. Manipulators have this knack for being subtle in the way they manipulate others. You may think that youre doing things out of love for your partner, but upon closer inspection, they might be manipulating you to do what they want you to do. If you ever feel like youre being duped into doing something youre not sure you want to do, its a clear sign that your relationship is extremely unhealthy.
#11 Obligated. A relationship should be something you want to be in, not something you have to be in. If youre in a relationship out of a sense of duty or due to feeling like you owe your partner something, youre staying because of some form of obligation. A relationship should be based on love, attraction, trust, and honesty, not a twisted sense of duty.
#12 Suffocated. A jealous and possessive partner who inhibits your freedom and autonomy can be stifling and restrictive. These partners will never be happy until they can possess you completely, and you will be left waiting to exhale.
#13 Betrayed. Feeling betrayed in a relationship or being lied to and deceived regularly is one of the worst feelings to endure by a person you once trusted. If someone betrays you or lies to you on a regular basis, they dont deserve your loyalty or your presence.
#14 Insecure. Not all relationships become 100% secure, but you should feel at least some sort of security when youre with your partner. If you constantly feel like the tiniest issue can cause your relationship to crumble, you should either find a way to strengthen your relationship or find someone else you can be more secure with.
#15 Trapped. Just like you shouldnt feel obligated in a relationship, you also shouldnt feel like you have no better options in life. Believing that a less than stellar relationship is the best you can get is a myth that only keeps you from finding someone better.
#16 Stagnant. A relationship should feel like growing together, planning for events, and sharing common goals for the future. A good relationship should have progression, commitment, and shared goals to reach together. When your relationship feels stale, as if youve reached a dead end, its time re-evaluate the relationship to see if its still worth continuing.
#17 Under surveillance. Privacy is essential in a relationship. You shouldnt feel monitored constantly by a partner who needs to know what you are doing 24/7. If you feel like you are under constant surveillance, your partner is far too obsessed and controlling to have healthy boundaries in your relationship.
#18 Isolated. Does your partner always try to drive a wedge between you and the outside world? It may seem flattering at the start to know that your partner wants you all to themselves, but in reality, your partner is just trying to limit the world to just the two of you. And thats obviously a sign that its time to break free!
While relationships arent solely composed of the happy and fun times, the good times should always outweigh the bad. If you constantly feel any of the above emotions in your relationship, remember that you have every right to leave your partner if they dont treat you the way you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
-lovepanky dot com
We go through a range of feelings when were in a relationship. But if youre faced with these unhealthy emotions, it may be time to cut it loose.
A relationship should feel like a support system, a safe haven, and a place to express yourself openly without being mocked or judged. Settling for less than you deserve by staying in a dead end or unsatisfying relationship will only make you feel more isolated and alone.
If a relationship affects your mental sanity, disrupts your inner peace, corrodes your self-esteem, and generally makes you feel more negative than positive, you should either let the relationship go or seek help in improving your relationship. People seek relationships in order to feel happy, accepted, and complete, but when you feel any of the following emotions, ask yourself, Whats the point of staying in a relationship thats doing more harm than good?
Emotions that shouldnt be felt in a healthy relationship
While no relationship is perfect, you still shouldnt settle for a relationship that always makes you feel any of the following emotions:
#1 Neglected. One of the greatest feelings in a relationship is knowing that someone cares about you and wants to make you happy. Feeling neglected in a relationship or feeling like youre left to fend for yourself is not a characteristic of any relationship that is worth sticking around for. A good partner will care about your needs and will strive to make you as happy as you make them.
#2 Alone. Companionship is what a relationship is all about. If you feel like you are alone all the time, ask yourself why youre even staying. If your partner is always leaving you to hang out with friends and forgetting that you have needs too, consider moving on.
#3 Belittled. A partner should love and appreciate you, shortcomings and all. If your partner always points out your flaws in order to make them feel better about themselves, its high time you find someone whos more accepting of what you have to offer.
#4 Afraid. A relationship is supposed to be a safe place in which you feel protected from the harsh realities of the world. If you feel like you are living in constant fear of abuse or disrespect, or generally dont feel safe with your partner, you need to break free before the problem escalates.
#5 Like walking on eggshells. If you feel like you are constantly on edge around your partner for fear of angry outbursts, accusations, or insults, this relationship is extremely unhealthy. You should be comfortable around your partner and not feel like you have to constantly monitor your actions in order to prevent a blowout.
#6 Unworthiness. A healthy relationship will make you feel confident and secure within your own skin. Feeling unattractive or undesirable as a result of your relationship is not a good sign that youre with the right person. Your confidence should never be lacking as a result of your partners words or actions.
#7 Inferior. Feeling powerless, inferior, or like you have no voice in your relationship is always a red flag. You should not lose your assertiveness or opinion as a result of your relationship. A relationship should feel like an equal partnership, not a struggle for control.
#8 Taken advantage of. If you feel taken advantage of in your relationship, or your partner makes you feel used, you arent being treated in a way that you deserve. Whether it be financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally, feeling like your partner is only with you based on the benefits you provide them is selfish to say the least.
#9 One-sided. Effort should be equal in a relationship. You shouldnt feel like you carry the sole responsibility for keeping the relationship afloat. Your partner should be meeting you halfway, and if they arent pulling their weight, consider leaving them behind.
#10 Manipulated. Manipulators have this knack for being subtle in the way they manipulate others. You may think that youre doing things out of love for your partner, but upon closer inspection, they might be manipulating you to do what they want you to do. If you ever feel like youre being duped into doing something youre not sure you want to do, its a clear sign that your relationship is extremely unhealthy.
#11 Obligated. A relationship should be something you want to be in, not something you have to be in. If youre in a relationship out of a sense of duty or due to feeling like you owe your partner something, youre staying because of some form of obligation. A relationship should be based on love, attraction, trust, and honesty, not a twisted sense of duty.
#12 Suffocated. A jealous and possessive partner who inhibits your freedom and autonomy can be stifling and restrictive. These partners will never be happy until they can possess you completely, and you will be left waiting to exhale.
#13 Betrayed. Feeling betrayed in a relationship or being lied to and deceived regularly is one of the worst feelings to endure by a person you once trusted. If someone betrays you or lies to you on a regular basis, they dont deserve your loyalty or your presence.
#14 Insecure. Not all relationships become 100% secure, but you should feel at least some sort of security when youre with your partner. If you constantly feel like the tiniest issue can cause your relationship to crumble, you should either find a way to strengthen your relationship or find someone else you can be more secure with.
#15 Trapped. Just like you shouldnt feel obligated in a relationship, you also shouldnt feel like you have no better options in life. Believing that a less than stellar relationship is the best you can get is a myth that only keeps you from finding someone better.
#16 Stagnant. A relationship should feel like growing together, planning for events, and sharing common goals for the future. A good relationship should have progression, commitment, and shared goals to reach together. When your relationship feels stale, as if youve reached a dead end, its time re-evaluate the relationship to see if its still worth continuing.
#17 Under surveillance. Privacy is essential in a relationship. You shouldnt feel monitored constantly by a partner who needs to know what you are doing 24/7. If you feel like you are under constant surveillance, your partner is far too obsessed and controlling to have healthy boundaries in your relationship.
#18 Isolated. Does your partner always try to drive a wedge between you and the outside world? It may seem flattering at the start to know that your partner wants you all to themselves, but in reality, your partner is just trying to limit the world to just the two of you. And thats obviously a sign that its time to break free!
While relationships arent solely composed of the happy and fun times, the good times should always outweigh the bad. If you constantly feel any of the above emotions in your relationship, remember that you have every right to leave your partner if they dont treat you the way you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
-lovepanky dot com
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Thank you so much for this, I needed it today. I am trying to come to grips with the stranger I married. All that I thought to be true was simply a mask hiding things I never knew existed in the world. I have always rooted for the underdog and believed in second and third chances as long as someone is working toward a goal. I think thats why I stayed but it turns out he wasn't working on anything but his cover story and I felt everyone of these feelings for years. This is such a healthy reminder for me that what I think I am missing didn't actually exist. Its been a really hard couple of days so thank you for this.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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dawnrising…...I think that the many messages that we get, as we are growing up, from our families, schooling, religion, and culture, at large, do support the "underdog", etc.....everything that you said...and, that works pretty well, most of the time.....
What we aren't told, is that there are two things that turn those principles of relationships all topsy turvy....are addictions and abuse!
Who knew?!
What we aren't told, is that there are two things that turn those principles of relationships all topsy turvy....are addictions and abuse!
Who knew?!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
one story-line we see hear often is that during a sober spouse's time of need, the addict WAS there for them. did things for them. they were present and they demonstrated caring. so then down the road, the spouse feels OBLIGATED to stay during the addict's apparent time of need.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
one story-line we see hear often is that during a sober spouse's time of need, the addict WAS there for them. did things for them. they were present and they demonstrated caring. so then down the road, the spouse feels OBLIGATED to stay during the addict's apparent time of need.
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Location: big city in Europe
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# 6 Unworthiness vs. Self-Confidence
Thank you, Anvilhead, for posting this. It is exactly what I need today. After finding the way out of a 18-year-relationship with a dry drunk and having developped all major traits of my codie-personality, I thought I was on the safe side when I entered a casual relationship with a man who has no addiction history or addict/codie personality two years ago. But how wrong was I - it's enough that I obviously still do have these traits. Especially the readyness to accept and make excuses when someone doesn't treat me with love and respect. This list helps me very much to put my finger on these feelings and eventually find my way out again. I am so tired of this.
Suzan
Thank you, Anvilhead, for posting this. It is exactly what I need today. After finding the way out of a 18-year-relationship with a dry drunk and having developped all major traits of my codie-personality, I thought I was on the safe side when I entered a casual relationship with a man who has no addiction history or addict/codie personality two years ago. But how wrong was I - it's enough that I obviously still do have these traits. Especially the readyness to accept and make excuses when someone doesn't treat me with love and respect. This list helps me very much to put my finger on these feelings and eventually find my way out again. I am so tired of this.
Suzan
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 151
From a non-Alcoholic's viewpoint - and the spouse of an AW - I'd add the following (which may be the converse of some in Anvil's list):
1. Always having to be on "duty" or "alert" or "surveillance duty." You go out to a restaurant and your spouse or bf/gf disappears to use the "restroom" or whatever and he/she is really at the bar getting their booze on (or filling their "coca-cola" with a hidden flask in the toilet). Wondering who AW thinks she is fooling??
2. Isolating yourself - not wanting to go out with AW because of #1 and not wanting to be around other people with AW because of the blow-ups that come with her drinking. Easier to become a "bump on the log" staying at home.
1. Always having to be on "duty" or "alert" or "surveillance duty." You go out to a restaurant and your spouse or bf/gf disappears to use the "restroom" or whatever and he/she is really at the bar getting their booze on (or filling their "coca-cola" with a hidden flask in the toilet). Wondering who AW thinks she is fooling??
2. Isolating yourself - not wanting to go out with AW because of #1 and not wanting to be around other people with AW because of the blow-ups that come with her drinking. Easier to become a "bump on the log" staying at home.
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