Will he try to come back
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 45
Will he try to come back
Hello,
My ex fiance is an alcoholic and has been so since he was 14, he's 39 now. We were together for 4 years. In that time, I also started drinking because I'm codependent. He has left at least 12 times before. This time, I could not deal with the fact he blames me for not seeing his daughter regularly, and that when he dies, he is a totally different person, mostly giving her whatever she wants and being a "Disneyland dad". The reason he doesn't see her is she lives 3 hours away, and he is lazy and many times drinking. We got into a huge fight 3 weeks ago. He has moved into a hotel and says he feels we are done. He needs to be happy and be himself. He is supposed to have her for the summer. He has collected most of his clothes, left everything else, and we've only spoken twice.
I'm working on getting help for my codependency. My question is this, do most alcoholics, from your experience, try and come back? I feel as though I might need to be prepared.
My ex fiance is an alcoholic and has been so since he was 14, he's 39 now. We were together for 4 years. In that time, I also started drinking because I'm codependent. He has left at least 12 times before. This time, I could not deal with the fact he blames me for not seeing his daughter regularly, and that when he dies, he is a totally different person, mostly giving her whatever she wants and being a "Disneyland dad". The reason he doesn't see her is she lives 3 hours away, and he is lazy and many times drinking. We got into a huge fight 3 weeks ago. He has moved into a hotel and says he feels we are done. He needs to be happy and be himself. He is supposed to have her for the summer. He has collected most of his clothes, left everything else, and we've only spoken twice.
I'm working on getting help for my codependency. My question is this, do most alcoholics, from your experience, try and come back? I feel as though I might need to be prepared.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
The only change you can expect is the one YOU are willing to make.
If you are done be done. Is there something he can magically say to remedy this toxic situation?
Of course there is a high probability he is going to reach out to you, and continue to engage you, you can cut him off today, block him, cease contact.
Here you are worrying about him when you should be focusing on building yourself a healthy new life.,see how they get us all tangled up in their selfish needs... what exactly do you need help preparing for? Are you worried he will suck you right back in to his vortex of need? No, is a complete sentence, I would be telling myself that 24/7, just no, NO MORE.
If you are done be done. Is there something he can magically say to remedy this toxic situation?
Of course there is a high probability he is going to reach out to you, and continue to engage you, you can cut him off today, block him, cease contact.
Here you are worrying about him when you should be focusing on building yourself a healthy new life.,see how they get us all tangled up in their selfish needs... what exactly do you need help preparing for? Are you worried he will suck you right back in to his vortex of need? No, is a complete sentence, I would be telling myself that 24/7, just no, NO MORE.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Codependy…..that is a rhetorical question...right? Like Anvil said...he has come back 12 times, already...…
Of course, he will drift back ...unless he finds someone else to enable him....
Do you want him to come back? do you think you will take him in?
If you want to change the pattern...This is what I suggest====
Begin to go to alanon….
Read the following articles in our extensive library, here at SR....there are over 100 articles!! (they are also contained in the stickies at the top of the threads)…..
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Of course, he will drift back ...unless he finds someone else to enable him....
Do you want him to come back? do you think you will take him in?
If you want to change the pattern...This is what I suggest====
Begin to go to alanon….
Read the following articles in our extensive library, here at SR....there are over 100 articles!! (they are also contained in the stickies at the top of the threads)…..
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello and welcome to SR!
I’m glad you posted and I hope you find the courage and strength to work on your issues. There are a lot of resources for you here if you click on the tagged links and read around.
You mention you are drinking too. Is that a problem? There’s a whole lot of support on that in the other sections of this forum and some great articles too.
Take care of you! Welcome!
I’m glad you posted and I hope you find the courage and strength to work on your issues. There are a lot of resources for you here if you click on the tagged links and read around.
You mention you are drinking too. Is that a problem? There’s a whole lot of support on that in the other sections of this forum and some great articles too.
Take care of you! Welcome!
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