2kind4me

Hello. I asked my RABF to join me on a vacation with my family. He had been sober for about 4 months. I knew it would be a challenge for him. Florida vacations are a trigger. My family drinks. I went off with my family and he went off with his daughter. I noticed that he slurred a little and was more talkative than he had been. I looked and found a bottle of vodka in his bag. He drank
more than a third of it. I confronted him
and he admitted it. I feel so sad for him. I totally empathize with his situation and he feels terrible. He’s a wonderful man but I I know I have to let go. Last time I gave in and took him back. We don’t live together. I just have to let go. I’m afraid I won’t be able to.

trailmix

Yes, it's a tough situation. I hope you are not feeling guilty about inviting him.

If you haven't read all the stickies here yet, you might find a couple of these helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...how-leave.html (How to leave)

also:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

PhoenixJ

prayers

VigilanceNow

That’s a truly horrible discovery. Is he doing anything to help himself stop? Is he actively engaged in a program of some kind?

NYCDoglvr

It's the dishonesty, knowing I can't trust someone, that leads to saying goodbye.
A big hug.

hopeful4

He sort of set himself up going on a trip like that. He was clearly not ready.

So sorry.

2kind4me

Hello. Yes I do feel guilty. I probably pressured him a little but I also know that I told him he didn’t have to go. I realize it was his choice to go and to buy a bottle. He has been actively involved w AA and a sponsor. He goes to several meetings a week. He is identifying that he should have gone to meetings there and called someone. It sounds like an impulsive decision to buy the bottle. He’s still in Florida at his condo and I came home. He is trying to feel out how I’m going to handle it. I couldn’t answer him because my kids were around. I love this man but I know I can’t fulfill my dream of maybe having a family again under these circumstances. Just heartbroken.

trailmix

It's easy to fall in to the trap of feeling responsible for another adult. If you drugged him and smuggled him in to Florida - then yes, you should be feeling guilty right now.

I'm so sorry this happened though! I'm sure you are in a lot of pain. This is a very tough decision you are making and i'm sorry it's come to this.

Mango212

We don’t live together. I just have to let go. I’m afraid I won’t be able to.


How are you doing today?

What does your support network look like?

DontRemember

That sucks! I'm sure he's beating himself up over it too,but still doesn't change the fact(s). "Woulda/coulda's" don't help much I found out when I was trying to remain sober. I HAD to do certain things,even if that included saying "No" to certain things,especially buying a bottle. I can picture my former self in his shoes right now and it's a harsh reminder of how vigilant we have to be. Complacency and sobriety do not work well together.

2kind4me

Hi there. Thank you so much for asking that. I’m feeling very down and flat. I’m anticipating his pushing for us to stay together. He’s texting me telling me how he’s hit rock bottom and what changes he’s going to make. I’ve been dating him for 6 years and all along I’ve been hoping for it I get To a better place. I’ve only been aware of the alcohol issue for the last couple of years. I can’t wait anymore. My support system either thinks I’ll take him back again or thinks I’m so strong that I’m fine. There are not many people in my life who are truly understanding. Thanks again for checking in.

dandylion

2kind4me.....how about getting a (therapy) support group...alanon or a similar group.....they will know exactly what you are talking about.....

If he is truly working AA...and, I mean seriously and tenaciously....I believe that they are taught that if they succumb to the alcoholic voice.....to get right back on the horse....
Perhaps he will do that.....

But, you have the right to decide that you are done at any point that you need to...or decide to...or want to.....
People are allowed to leave relationships at any time for any reason. His alcoholism doesn't have to be the deciding factor for you...it can be...but, it doesn't have to be....