alwayscovering

I love my therapist, she logged on to skype this morning to talk to me because I was flipping out. AH stayed up with our oldest who we haven't seen all that much since school ended due to football and work-no big deal because he was sober yesterday so he could go to our 9 yr old's vacation bible school program.(It was so cute) I guess they cooked something in the middle of the night and left the stuff out everywhere, food, dishes, pans. UGH! AH apparently is not going to work for half day because we are going to the VA at noon to register him for rehab. Fine-he's salaried so he'll still get paid, but I did not scrub the house down to have them mess it up. SO I woke them up and told them that they should probably get started on the yard work before it gets too hot and they need to clean the kitchen before the bugs see it as an invitation to invade our house. If the latter happens I will probably snap. I can only take so much and I cannot handle bugs.

Leana

Most days I feel like I am losing my mind. To keep myself sane I lock my bedroom door for about 20 minutes and read or watch tv or call someone or pray. No one (and I mean no one) is allowed to disturb me during those 20 minutes. It helps.

Mango212

I used to. It sucks. Emotional abuse, living in chaos, adapting to that as a survival mechanism did absolutely nothing for my long-term state of mind.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.

Prayer is powerful, whether you believe in in or not.

alwayscovering

I do believe, I pray every day. Sometimes the chaos is just too much. I realize that part of it are my issues. I need things to be clean, I need them to be organized. I do not understand people who aren't organized. How do you find things when you need them if they aren't where they are supposed to be?

Mango212

The Saint Francis prayer has also been extremely helpful for me.

Some prayers became mantras to get me through the day. Now they're a part of the rhythm of the day for me in new ways. Continually changing, like the seasons.

My favorite ones now are of thanks, blessings and abundance. As my focus shifts, so do my prayers and the external abundance of goodness in my life. No coincidence.

God has completely flipped my life rightside-up, shook things up inside me and around me, and then settled things back into place in a much different way than I had arranged them. And it's good. Really good.

SmallButMighty

I very much felt like I was going crazy when I was living with my AXH. Truth be told, I was pretty crazy by the end of that relationship. The constant walking on eggshells, waiting for him to screw up again, not trusting a thing he said... yuck, it sucked. In my case, life was terrible even when he was sober because he was never in recovery...and again with some truth, neither was I, I was really sick with codependence.

My XAH never respected himself, me or our relationship/family enough to bother getting healthy.For me to stop feeling (and being) crazy I had to leave the relationship. I hope your husband makes wiser choices than my ex did.

alwayscovering

I hope so too. I honestly don't know what to think about this trip to the VA. he really seems to want to go and has mentioned it multiple times. I just don't know if he wants to do it for him or because he thinks I'm mad at him.

FireSprite

Pretty much every day lately, at one point or another, yes.

Meditation, I can't say it often enough or loudly enough. It took me years of hedging this, trying in a half-arsed way & remaining frustrated that I "couldn't" meditate - it wasn't "for me"..... then when I decided to REALLY TRY it was a solid, new tool in my journey in less than 30 days.

This singular shift changed my whole ball game.


The only thing you CAN do though, is to focus on this:

This is where you have ALL the control and perhaps too many potential ways of digging into it all - therapy, groups, independent reading, meditation, I could go on & on, lol.....

CentralOhioDad

Yep, I feel this way pretty much every day. Unfortunately, I don't have any quick-and-easy solutions to that, because if I did, I'd use them!

Us crazies have to stick together!!

hopeful4

Yes, yes, yes.

I also found that the resentments I had were building up, which made things a million times worse.

alwayscovering

I think that's part of it. I resent that I feel like I have no help. I also have this issue where I want AH to be sober but when he is and he checks back in to our lives, he gets irritable because things aren't getting done or aren't getting done when and the way he thinks they should be. That causes an extreme amount of snappiness from me.

dandylion

This is exactly why the spouse or loved one needs as much of a program as the alcoholic needs...…
This is, also, why I am famous, around here, for saying that I think it is more merciful for the loved one to live separately from the rest of the family for the early recovery period....

Grassalley17

Yes, alwayscovering, a resounding yes, I can relate. I'm also someone who needs things neat and organized and when they're not I hate it. I hope that they cleaned up their mess and you go home to things the way you need them to be. Dandylion, thanks for sharing, I am thinking of a break from it all when and if early recovery begins again. I need my space and so does AH!

mamabear26

Yes, even though me and STBAXH are living apart. I still feel like I am losing my mind on most days. Even though we are going through a divorce I still feel like back when we were living together. He gets drunk daily calls to verbally abuse me about whatever he is mad at for the day. It's like he never left. I have finally put a stop to it by blocking his number and only communicating through text. Dealing with an active alcoholic is tough and makes you feel like you are losing your mind.