More nonsense - and I engaged in it. Should know better by now
 

Title says it all. Asked XAH to move some days with DS around this summer - really need it.

He claimed that he can’t because he is going on a trip to the beach (he initially asked for more time with DS but pretty much turned down all the extra time because...busy).

He was talking about taking DS to said beach for a while but failed to plan it far enough in advance (and probably did not want to take him anyway) - I mentioned it (should not have), and he blew up saying that I somehow said no to that trip (I did not commit since the timeframe was not specific and I had to arrange camps etc).

I then went further into rabbit hole and said that he has been callous and cruel by cutting time with DS short and skipping visits - he is going through puberty and it is hard. Should not have done that.

Then he went on a massive rant that this is why he divorced me, that I can’t be in relationship with anyone, there were some profanity thrown in for a good measure. And said that o am the reason he relapsed, the craziest person ever known.

So now I am completely worn out and beating myself over ever asking him to move things around. I guess I overeacted to him saying no to me and he should go on his stupid trip - but it just pains me to see DS rejected repeatedly. XAH is just so full of it. Everything is a priority over DS.

All I got was profanity over text and “good riddance” (I am the one who divorced him and he is the one who always initiated texting/calls)

I know better. Don’t be like me, folks 😩

i think finding another "source" to watch the kid while you get some time away is now in order. you may have to break up your "escapes" but it can still be done.

the EX is a jackass. unreliable and self absorbed. adhere to the parenting plan, and don't ask him for a damn thing. not.one.damn.thing.

Yep. Jackass is right. Last of his visits he insisted he will help me with several projects around the house - and I bought materials. Guess who learned how to caulk a tub? It just blows my mind how he sets up these little “traps” just to be in a position to “reject” me all over again. Told DS he wanted to grill for Father’s Day with him - never happened because “he needed an AA meeting” all of the sudden

Just. Barf. Boy, bye!

he's a flake. knowing that do NOT take any offers to "help" with tasks....do NOT believe a word he says about what he is GOING to do. do not engage. find somewhere else besides the home that he can "visit" with his son. when and if he finds the time. expect less than nothing. quit being surprised that he really IS a jackass. he IS.

What would you do in these situations if your ex was in jail in a coma or otherwise physically absent? (maybe find someone else to look after your child, not bother with the home reno projects, etc)? Whatever it is that you would do if your ex was in a coma, start doing it now.

You are so right. He seems to be doing alright and I forget, and then he pulls a rug from under me. Happens every time:a043:

Nata...My children's father was t he same way......uncooperative, self-centered jackass.
The only thing that helped was total and complete disengagement. I wiped him out of my life as much as humanly possible given that he was free to see the kid whenever he wanted. He gradually saw them less and less. They kids didn't even seem to want to go with him, after a while.

The kids are grown adults, now....and, he hasn't changed one molecule.....

I've just begun down the road to "not engage" anymore. Im guessing it takes time, patience and practice to achieve it. Don't beat up yourself about it. We are all human. We live and learn.

You are so right! I don't engage anymore because I got the same crap. However, now I am pleasant and absolutely never engage. It's not worth it, and it NEVER, EVER, produces any results. And my kids see me as the stable and steady in their lives, and they need that. When I would engage, my focus was on that. The stress was overtaking me, they can see all of that, and none of us need that in our lives.

Big hugs to you.

Thank you all for helpful feedback.

In other news XAH rescheduled his trip and willing to do whatever to see DS. I told him we will stick to the schedule and if he wishes to cancel anything let me know, otherwise I will talk to him when he sees DS (in two weeks). He is still texting - only nice things. I do not respond